Toddler under water

[viviennewestood]

Took dd to a parent and toddler swimming session today at the local pool. I was sat on the steps while dd sat next to me splashing in the water and a little boy probably around the same age as dd (18 months) was coming towards me and kept dipping under the water, gasping for air. His mum wasn't far behind him but kept saying things like 'go on, don't be a wimp'. He started to cry and then completely went under when he was practically in front of me so I lifted him up without thinking. His mum then snapped at me and said he's getting used to being under water, don't touch him. Was I being unreasonable to lift the child out of the water? He was under for a few seconds trying to scramble to the top.

Yanbu!

That toddler sounds like he was struggling

The mother was there, it is not up to you to "rescue" her child.

I panic if dd dips under for a second, she's obviously not heard of dry drowning shudders

Yanbu, you were trying to help!

It doesn't matter if it was unreasonable or not, or if the mum was angry or not. When you see a child in danger you act, that's what we are wired to do!

She called a toddler a wimp? Doesn't sound like a nice person at all.

He was swimming unassisted at 18 months? I genuinely had no idea that was possible.

I'm in two minds. I don't think you were unreasonable to act on what you thought but I did baby swimming with all of mine and they did kind of look like they were drowning when actually they were swimming.

I wouldn't have snapped at you though.

Yanbu.
Mainly because you did it without thinking. It's what I'd do - see a kid struggling and put out a hand to help without thinking. I swim with dd every week and the kids play in the baby pool first. If one of them stumbles near me I automatically put out my hand - it's instinctive. I'd rather a world where people instinctively react to help even when it's not really necessary than a world where people spend a few seconds thinking about it and possibly miss a genuine chance to help.

I don't think you should have done it if his mum was right there, but I can imagine you acted instinctively so YANBU.

if he was crying and gasping he's just going to inhale the water. you absolutely did the right thing.

being unable to swim doesn't make you a wimp. she sounds horrid

The water was up to his chin so he was trying to walk along the swimming pool floor but was obviously too small and kept losing his balance.

See I would call my toddler a wimp ( I would mean it in an affectionate way) but he will scream and strop about putting his head under water, he is more than capable and can do it...just prefers not to... However he needs to for swimming so I would probably seem mean as he would be crying but I wouldn't let him stop

I thought swimming was supposed to be fun

No YANBU! If he was struggling he needed help. I would have instinctively donew the same I think.
Poor kid if that's his mum's attitude though. Being like that will surely make him scared of going swimming.

were there any lifeguards around?
personally I would have done the same and maybe even have told her off but then i've taken lifeguard training (over 3 decades ago) and have taught lots of babies how to swim.

Gizlot , sorry but that sounds really cruel. I don't know if it's recommended practice but I couldn't do that to my toddler.

gizlots I call my 3yo soft with affection. She clings to me in the pool but is perfectly fine in swimming pools.

I don't think YABU acting out of instinct if you hadn't noticedone the child before. I'd have commented to the mum saying how difficult he was finding it in a "poor wee soul" way and asked her how she do it to him to see if that changed things.

See I agree it sounds cruel, except he is crying because he doesn't want to do it at that moment rather than not do it at all.. Once he has done it once he will happily do it again... I guess I am trying to say although it looked bad ( and my instinct may well have been the same) you only saw a snap shot and it may have been a similar situation to my son ( who is admittedly a bit older)...

I think there is too much at play to judge.

Dd can swim with just a noodle and she is 2.10 and has been able to since she was about 15 months. But we did water babies from her being very young and she is very used to being under the water. She did go through a wobble about being under it so there was a time where I did similar activities with her in the local pool outside lessons and I am certain other parents probably judged me. She was 110% safe and there was never a risk so in the other mums situation I probably would have told you to mind your business too.

If the mum hasn't been near then fair enough but if she was next to him as you describe then you were pretty out of order to grab at him

I didn't 'grab at him'

I lifted him up so that his head was above the water.

I would have done the same OP. It's natural to help someone especially a small child. The child's mother doesn't sound very nice tbh.

YANBU, it sounds like this mom lacks empathy. I don't see the obsession with getting babies/young kids to have their head under water, there is plenty of time to learn that when they are older and no they won't be afraid of water if you don't do that.

I must be a ridiculously over protective mother because I actually thought a could die if they inhaled water... I would have been shocked at this.

Sorry, that was supposed to say: "I thought a toddler could die if inhaling water." Stupid phone.