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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think school trips should be all or nothing?

101 replies

LunaLoveg00d · 06/06/2016 15:43

We are in Scotland, school trips here are not part of the curriculum so there is none of this "donation" thing. You pay, or you don't go.

My son is approaching the final year of Primary school and in September all of the kids in the year have the chance to go on a Monday - Friday residential trip at a rural location around an hour away. In previous years, everyone has gone, bar one or two children who have either just joined the school or who have complex medical needs. We had a meeting with a rep from the centre a week ago and one of the parents looked very concerned throughout. The centre does push them out of their comfort zones to do abseiling, hiking, orienteering and sailing, but it's all very safe, high staff/student ratios etc.

Son comes home today saying child of this concerned parent is not going on trip despite having paid deposit. Parents are very concerned that there will not be any adults sleeping in the dorms with the children (teachers are accommodated in single rooms adjacent to dorms) and do not think it is "safe" for children aged 10 or 11 to be sleeping in groups. They have asked if it would be possible for a parent to drop this child at the centre at 8am and collect at 9pm each night they are away (so 4 hours travelling per day) and the school have said no - it's against the ethos of the trip and they have to take it all, or not at all.

Mother concerned voicing her objections loudly in the playground and a fair few people agreeing that school was unreasonable and she should be able to choose the bits of the trip her son wants to do.

OP posts:

MidnightAura · 06/06/2016 16:22

I think I know where the place is OP as I'm in Scotland too and my niece has did something very similar. (As did I in primary)

I think the mum is being unreasonable though.

Katedotness1963 · 06/06/2016 16:24

It's not Loch Insh is it? My youngest went a couple of years ago and had a whale of a time. They were well looked after/supervised.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/06/2016 16:24

It just sounds like helicopter parenting agogo....

I agree with school... Unless medical need child should stay overnight

AliceInUnderpants · 06/06/2016 16:25

Dalguise?

My daughter is going in September too. She has SN, and I've said if she needs to come home, I will collect her ONCE, not pick up and drop off every day.

I think it would be very confusing to everyone, and far too much travelling for the child to come everyday. We would be a 3 hour round trip.

kaitlinktm · 06/06/2016 16:26

Just at the thought of teachers being expected to sleep in the same room as pupils.

Wordsmith · 06/06/2016 16:27

I would be more concerned if the teacher slept in the dorm.

AlmaMartyr · 06/06/2016 16:27

The mum is being unreasonable, this would be unsettling for the other kids.

I'm a Beaver Leader and have been told that we're not allowed to sleep in the same space as the children.

dowhatnow · 06/06/2016 16:28

Poor kid. Do you know of his reaction when mum was spouting off?

Original poster

LunaLoveg00d · 06/06/2016 16:29

I'm not saying where it is as I'm not sure how many schools use this particular centre. But I'm sure it's very similar to the ones other Scottish schools use, and is a similar setup to the one I went to many moons ago when I was in P7 which was in Aberfoyle.

OP posts:

SideOrderofChip · 06/06/2016 16:31

Im also a beaver leader. Our kids sleep in their own tents and we have our own at the end of each row. the way they go on when they sleep in the bunk room i couldnt think of anything worse than sleeping in with them!

noblegiraffe · 06/06/2016 16:32

Does she share a room with him at home?

Verbena37 · 06/06/2016 16:33

I agree that perhaps there is a reason they are being like this. If however, there isn't an underlying reason, then I think the parents are being unreasonable as the ratio of staff to children is always checked and the staff normally don't go to sleep until the kids are all sleeping.

We have the same situation soon but I'm taking my son each morning and collecting each night for medical/SEND reasons. I will be staying only a short distance away (mini break for me) so easy to do.

The school wouldn't allow a sleep alarm video monitor for obvious reasons and he obviously couldn't sleep alone with a teacher so this was our only alternative for him to go.

carryam · 06/06/2016 16:34

I used to go on residentials as a worker many years ago. Then we would sleep in dorms with the children. It was stopped as a common practice because Child Protection Guidelines came in recommending against it.

toffee1000 · 06/06/2016 16:35

We did the activity week/PGL type in trip in year 5. Year 6 we went to France. Two of the highlights of my primary school experience. This mum does sound overprotective. Others were agreeing?? Ugh. Although sadly the phenomenon of the overprotective parent is much, much bigger today than it used to be.

AlpacaPicnic · 06/06/2016 16:37

The whole point of those trips away is to get up to late night shenanigans! They have to eat sweets at midnight, drink nothing but fizzy pop and come home unwashed and having learnt a new card game

WitchDancer · 06/06/2016 16:38

Does the parent stay in their bedroom at home? It's only the same principle! I have never understood parents who are over protective like this

OhSoggyBiscuit · 06/06/2016 16:40

I still remember my Y6 residental trip fondly. We stayed in a youth hostel!! (though I imagine with no other guests!) It was great fun and such a valuable experience.

SqueegyBeckinheim · 06/06/2016 16:41

I suspect others are agreeing because they just want to pick up their child and can't be arsed arguing with helicopter mum if they voice their disagreement with her. We have a similar mum at DDs school who's always getting her knickers in a knot about weird and random things, it's much easier to nod and smile than really engage with her.

HanYOLO · 06/06/2016 16:43

I think the mum is being a bit daft.

But I do know some kids from my son's school who would not be happy with sleeping over, and at 10 I don't think kids should be forced to. Our school has accommodated day visitors to residentials without disruption. (two girls didn't stay over one night because they had Little Mix tickets, another child gets very anxious)

Seems like the parent's problem though - could she not talk to some of the parents of last years' kids to get some reassurance? Trips like this have gone on, as a pp said, like, forever, so surely tried and tested in terms of H&S.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 06/06/2016 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LunaLoveg00d · 06/06/2016 16:53

I do know some kids from my son's school who would not be happy with sleeping over, and at 10 I don't think kids should be forced to

So they don't go on the trip then. But the man who came to the school from the centre to talk to parents and kids was always going on about "challenges", and how during the week there would be lots of challenges and those would be different for everyone. For some kids it would be making their beds, others staying away from home, others it would be facing a fear of heights to abseil. He didn't say it would be easy, but that the kids should think about how great they'd feel if they achieved their challenge.

I do know one girl isn't confident about staying overnight but her Mum is very encouraging and she has a group of close friends who will look out for her and give her a hug if she's teary. I am also very sure that if there were medical issues this would be accommodated - a couple of years ago one of the girls slept in a single room usually reserved for staff and I am assuming that was down to some sort of medical issue. It's not hard to handle these things sensitively and let the child be included.

If I were a teacher I wouldn't be impressed by children leaving the residential to go to a pop concert.

OP posts:

Naicehamshop · 06/06/2016 16:53

I work in a (very) small school and we have had this situation several times. It's usually agreed that the parent can pick up and drop off child so that they just do day visits. (The centre is pretty close to the school).

This boosts the child's confidence and the next time something like this comes up (in secondary school) they usually approach it with more confidence. I don't see that this is such a massive problem as some posters are making out - all children are different and some cope better than others at this age.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 06/06/2016 16:54

is a similar setup to the one I went to many moons ago when I was in P7 which was in Aberfoyle

Was it Dounans? I used to work there

The mother is being totally unreasonable, and I feel very sorry for her poor son. I cannot believe other parents agreed with her

Helenluvsrob · 06/06/2016 16:55

" no adult sleeping in the same room as the kids" have they not thought through the child safeguarding hoo ha there would be!

Weeps into damp hankie!

Original poster

LunaLoveg00d · 06/06/2016 16:57

Was it Dounans? I used to work there

Yes it was! I think all edinburgh primary schools used to use it. I would have been there in the Spring of 1984!

OP posts:

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