To think school trips should be all or nothing?

[LunaLoveg00d]

We are in Scotland, school trips here are not part of the curriculum so there is none of this "donation" thing. You pay, or you don't go.

My son is approaching the final year of Primary school and in September all of the kids in the year have the chance to go on a Monday - Friday residential trip at a rural location around an hour away. In previous years, everyone has gone, bar one or two children who have either just joined the school or who have complex medical needs. We had a meeting with a rep from the centre a week ago and one of the parents looked very concerned throughout. The centre does push them out of their comfort zones to do abseiling, hiking, orienteering and sailing, but it's all very safe, high staff/student ratios etc.

Son comes home today saying child of this concerned parent is not going on trip despite having paid deposit. Parents are very concerned that there will not be any adults sleeping in the dorms with the children (teachers are accommodated in single rooms adjacent to dorms) and do not think it is "safe" for children aged 10 or 11 to be sleeping in groups. They have asked if it would be possible for a parent to drop this child at the centre at 8am and collect at 9pm each night they are away (so 4 hours travelling per day) and the school have said no - it's against the ethos of the trip and they have to take it all, or not at all.

Mother concerned voicing her objections loudly in the playground and a fair few people agreeing that school was unreasonable and she should be able to choose the bits of the trip her son wants to do.

[PinkSnowAndStars]

I still remember my year 6 trip fondly. We listened to cest la vie repeatedly on the coach to the Isle of Wight... On the ferry we bumped into "Martin the bus driver" who had driven us ok our year 3 trip... Oh and Laura came down the slide a bit funny and broke her arm!! This was 18 years ago and we all still talk about it now!

[averythinline]

yes of course we've completely ignored the bullying for years its not quite that easy when you've had 4 sencos and 4 heads .......and some parents that cannot even contemplate their child is a bully...

maybe a pause before you judge a parent as ridiculous as they are anxious for their child...that their childs experience may not be yours..

a friends son - very popular member of all school teams loads friends etc does not like being away from home for more than a couple of nights max- has camped/beavers/cubs /scouts- always just stays half a week....

Willow2016 - I really hope thats what happens for ds too that would be fantastic but

[MariaSklodowska]

for all we know this kid could be the ongoing victim of rampant bullying, quite possibly led by the OP's own child (for all she knows).

or he could have a micro-penis or hypospadias. We just don't know do we?
Everone piling in and sayin how wrong this mother is, and how what THEY would do must be right, is kind of of bullying behaviour in itself, as was starting this thread.

[kitchenunit]

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

But the point is that where possible you deal with issues whilst including the child, rather than excluding them.

This mother wants to exclude her child.

[HanYOLO]

In this case it doesn't seem like it is the child who is worried about being away, but I don't see why the school couldn't accommodate day-visitors. So long as the child gets there early enough to take part properly, and they are prepared to do the the travelling, what would the problem with that be?

I don't think the mother is being very sensible, but I don't think the school is being very reasonable either.

[Obeliskherder]

Rosie thank you, and your poor DN, how stressful for him.

[TheNotoriousPMT]

If the woman's child has SEND or medical issues that make staying over difficult, she should be approaching the trip leader in private to discuss it, not coming out with spurious reasons at a meeting for all the parents.

[Obeliskherder]

Rosie yes thanks, teachers already are in the loop and have always reassured us that they will manage as needed. All the same it will be stressful for DD to cope 24/7 for 5 days with next to no privacy. Nights are the least of my worries - adults with sensitive bladders can choose not to go abseiling or canoeing but kids on outward bound courses don't have that choice.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

It does sound like the mother is being overprotective. I guess she could well have done very specific reasons for wanting a teacher sleeping in the the children. But it does sound like she's overprotective.
I can see why the school don't want day visitors - good list trouble

[carryam]

And if a child doesn't like sleeping away from home, they don't go.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

As far as I can see no-one has even considered the thoughts of the teachers supposed to sleep with the children.
I don't think parents realise that during these trips the staff are with the children from the minute the rising bell goes (yes really, 7.30am) until they are in bed and asleep, usually 9-10pm, plus night-time emergencies. This includes ALL mealtimes, supervising clearing up, preparing next day's packed lunches, evening activities and entertainment, supervising bedtime preparations and bed-making next morning, and sitting with the doors open to listen for nocturnal activities, on top of the scheduled activities. There is no free time whatsoever, for five whole days, barely time to grab a shower each day. And this woman expects staff to sleep with the children as well, so no privacy either.
This ridiculous attitude explains why fewer and fewer staff are prepared to organise trips.

[TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain]

I can't believe there are parents out there who would seriously consider driving their children to an outdoor activity week just for the day and driving back again each night.
(This coming from someone who suffers from anxiety every now and again and knows how crap it can be worrying about stuff!)
When it comes to activity weeks though, it's definitely all or nothing.
I went on a couple of outdoor pursuits weeks at school at the age of 10 and 11, and LOVED it. Having your mum picking you up every night would definitely have been embarrassing, and singling you out for ridicule.
Not to mention that half of the fun is the sleeping in dorms bit!
DS1 went on his first a couple of years ago, and also loved it. I spent the entire week worrying and counting down the hours until Friday rolled around (obviously not telling him that bit, and just telling him to have a great time!)
The mum's a bit barking and obviously hasn't thought through her request.
Plus, surely it would be unsettling for the other kids if random mums just kept turning up every day?! Could kick off homesickness in some.

[carryam]

As I said upthread, when I did this kind of activity as a worker, I did used to sleep in the same dorm as the kids. That no longer happens because of child protection concerns. Actually nothing to do with staff.

[carryam]

Also anxiety is made worse by avoiding things. And yes, I have suffered from anxiety.

[CallarMorvern]

My DD is going on the school residential next week. She has been having friendship issues with a lot of the girls which border on bullying. Some of the girls have been lying to back each other up and my child has no one to back her up. I am concerned about the unsupervised nights. I am not an overprotective parent and DD has been on many residentials with other groups, where I haven't worried at all. We don't have the option of days only. I do think some of the replies here are overly harsh and you don't know all the facts in this case, only the parent does.

[TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain]

Also anxiety is made worse by avoiding things. And yes, I have suffered from anxiety.

I agree with that. I find if I pander to it it just 'feeds' it and makes it worse.
If I just distract myself enough it can take my mind off it.

[CallarMorvern]

I will also add that DD has been allowed a bit of extra support, but one of the teachers helping has let this slip, which has lead to some playground nastiness from the mum of the children involved. These mums are making the same kinds of comments as the OP. But it is their children that are the bullies.

[mirtle]

I have the same worries Callar. It would be nice to have a catch up after they've been to see how they fared.

[Canyouforgiveher]

Given that she wants her son to attend but not sleep over I would wonder if he has an on-going bedwetting issue which she is concerned about.

My dd did have a bedwetting issue when they went on their year 6 residential. I was really worried about it. She went and was fine - I spoke to the school nurse and came up with a plan with my dd of what to do if she did wet the bed as in which teacher she could approach, what practical stuff she could do.

Otherwise, unless there is a similar health issue it should be all or nothing. It can't be a residential for some but not for others.

[Redglitter]

Luna is the trip to a centre on an island by any chance?

[claraschu]

I agree with ATaleOfTwoKitties:

"It's rather too easy to mock if you have the sort of middle of the road child who will be slightly nervy but muck in with the rest, and who needs telling kindly that they need to stick it out.

It's very easy to mock if you have one of the bullies who will jeer at Joshua for bedwetting.

It's somewhat easier to sympathise with the mother if you have an anxious, friendless child who only just manages to get to school at the best of times; a bedwetter; a sleepwalker; a bully-magnet; a child with SEN."

Some children, in spite of being encouraged to be independent, just can't manage to do things which other children can easily cope with, like go to school or go on a wonderful, exciting residential trip. It is not always the parents' fault.

There is nothing more lonely and worrying than being the parent of the child who isn't coping, and seeing that other people blame you. You are usually already blaming yourself and tearing your hair out, asking: "Why is this happening? What have I done to make my child so anxious?" Some children just struggle and aren't "normal", and the families of those children deserve support and understanding.

Maybe this mum is just an overprotective twat, but I hate seeing all the judgemental and self righteous comments.