AIBU to not allow DS to pay bills?

[helloitsmenotadele]

Hello,
My DS is 19 and has lived in a shared house in his university town since September, and he has moved out early.
Each month himself and four other boys have been paying a set amount, £60, I believe, towards utility bills and internet, regardless of the amount of time they have spent in the property.
My DS's housemates had a falling out with him before he arrived in September for no reason at all, I've seen all the conversations and it seems as though they suddenly conspired against him, and therefore, during this past year at university they have made his life a living hell, to the point where he has developed anxiety, of which is no way for a young man to live.
He wasn't able to find another tenant to take his room, so he had to stay, only spending as little time in the property as possible.
He moved out very early because he could not stand the way his housemates made him feel and now they are demanding he pays £120 towards the bills for May and June, even though he left the property before the end of April, and only spent approximately 8 days in the property before he moved out.
They are now hounding him for this money, but I don't feel he should pay - He has contributed an awful lot already, and he doesn't even live there anymore... AIBU???

Speak to the letting agent about the deposit. Make sure they see the room before he hands back the keys so the others can't trash it. Explain the reason why he is leaving.

Bills - don't pay any metered bills but do pay fixed bills. That's fair and the others won't be financially effected. If he does have fixed bills such as Internet or water, until they give him a copy of the bill, do not pay it.

He needs to make his own mind up. He needs to decide if it's worth it and if he's willing to put up with the harassment over it/ block them. Then you need to be supportive to what he chooses or this will just cause him further anxiety.

If someone makes someone else's life a misery to the point where they are forced to leave then it's their own fault the bills have gone up! They will just have to split it between them the way I see it they have themselves to blame! What did they expect would happen?

If he's paid up until the end of April (regardless of him leaving earlier or not) then I dont see how they can force him to pay for bills he hasn't used if there was no agreement and it was for bills accumulated while at the property and he had already left I can't see how they can ask. (He's paid the rent that was owed and agreed) . If they are insistent I still would not pay until I had the evidence of the bills in question and the prices, it may well be that your son has been paying over the odds and they dont want that to be discovered now!

Are you in the uk? I know in the uk landlords must put your deposit in a tenancy deposit scheme. I didn't get my deposit back from the estate agents but from the Deposit Protection Service once the estate agents had confirmed with them.

You need to speak to estate agent I would not give up on the deposit, If you cannot prove enough evidence then so be it, He was responsible for the receipt and lost it but I would chase down every avenue before giving up.

He doesnt need to pay for utilities if he isnt there. Unless there is a written agreement in place. Usually these things are sorted amicably, and sometimes if its not amicable, then paying people off is the lesser evil.
But
He needs to stand his ground. not you. This is one of those situations where he will grow up if you let him. Or learn that mommy will always be there to resolve situations. Whatever he decides, he needs to make the decision, not you.

Even with private landlords the Uni will most likely be able to offer support & advice.

I think he needs to pay his share of fixed fees but not the variables which accrued during his absence. To do this he will of course need to be shown the bills.

Poor lad - it sounds horrendous

I find it unbelievable that so many people are advising non payment.
a) I'm sure the parents of the other boys think they're "pure gold" too.
b) nobody but the boys involved know who exactly was to blame for the breakdown of relationships within the house.
c) if it's true that it was completely one sided bullying, then the right thing to do would have been to approach the university who could have helped with alternative accommodation/finding a student who wanted private accommodation to fill the gap in the house.
d) the completely wrong response was to do nothing about the situation, and then stiff the remaining tenants with extra bills.
e) the young man in question signed a contract. He should pay his share of it.
f) it sounds like he might benefit from less rather than more parental input, so that he's better equipped to deal with difficult situations in the future. He should pay what he OWES and move on.

If there is a contract in place stating that he must pay his share of the bills for the entire tenancy, then yes, he should pay. If there isn't, then no, he doesn't, and I wouldn't.

Re his deposit, I don't think he can "get his part paid back separately", it should be protected, and is likely to be paid back in full to the lead tenant (unless their deposits were protected individually, were they?). So be on the ball as to when it's returned, as your DS will need to communicate with the lead tenant to get his share back.

MadamSecretary

A) you're probably right. They probably do think they're gold and will be very defensive if told otherwise.

B) agreed

C) I don't know what you think that the university would have been able to do in this instance. From the sounds of things, it was a private let which the university would not have been able to help with. In fact, I have seen this happen within university student rentals and once the students are housed, the university ask them to deal with this in a grown up fashion within themselves as its a home based problem and not a course based problem.

D) OP's son has contacted the main bill holder and they haven't responded. I don't think the others piling is helpful when copies of the hills have been requested from the bill holder

E) OP's son has paid for the house rental as per his contract. He is not the named contact for the bills and is questioning if he should be paying for bills when he has no longer been resident in the house for some time and when, with one less person, the bills should logically be lower as they vary.

F) the OP's son wants to pay what he owes and not be fleeced for anything more. He has offered to pay for the Internet which was a set fee for the yearly contract however electric, landline and gas should have been lower.

Fixed fees like Internet which he has offered, rent which X he has paid etc should be paid however as pp's have said, variable bills should be split by those who were still in the house. He needs to see the bills broken down over the year as he is being asked for a lot and we don't know if they were able to relet the room on the QT, move partners in etc. He also needs to contact the estate agent with regards to deposit so he can advise hen where to send the money, either the main bill holder or otherwise.

Universities do provide a level of pastoral care. I've worked/studied at a few and not one of them would have turned away somebody who was being seriously bullied. I've know in several instances a university student welfare officer to:
a) mediate between students who are having difficulties
b) provide a university let room (on or off campus) for students whose private rental has not worked out.
c) Help students find somebody willing to take over their contract when living situations have become impossible.

It may or may not be the case that this university could have sorted the situation. The point is we're talking about a grown man who should have made some sort of effort to sort this if he wanted out without paying his share of the bills for the year.

How do you know that the OP's ds has NOT made any effort and that he has NOT asked the Uni for help?
How do you know that it's a case of him 'letting himself' being bullied instead of 'fighting back' or 'sort things out'?

That sounds like victim blaming to me.

AS far as I can see, the OP has not seen ANY bills at all and they are not getting back to him quickly to show exactely how much has been spent or is needed.
As it goes towards the end of the year anyway, you shjould actually be in one of those situations. After review of how much has been paid by everyone and how much was actually owned, either
1- people have paid too much and there is less to pay in the last months anyway (An even more possible posibility as there has been one person less in the house for quite a while now, so less lectricity and gas to pay)
2- not enough has been paid, they all need to chip in more.

Wo the bills, there is no way to know what is going on and therefore the OP's ds should NOT be paying until it is very clearly established WHAT needs to be paid.
And that is, if you agree that he has anything to pay at all as he wasn't there anyway so the electricity and gas will have been used only by the people in the flat. (Very different for the rent or the internet which the OP's ds has PAID).
IF there has been a contract for the gas and electricity, I would imagine that a getting our clause would have been leaving early in the year.

Please don't put words in my mouth. Nowhere did I say this person has "let" himself be bullied. I merely pointed out that he could and should have tried to resolve the situation in a way other than pretty much disappearing and refusing to pay his share of the bills. According to the OP the situation was dire as early as September. Plenty of time to legitimately at least try and find alternative accommodation and somebody to take over his room in this house. This kind of thing happens all the time. This young man is not going to be able to deal with the real world if he thinks it's OK to break a contract without at least making an attempt to deal with what had gone wrong prior to this.

Incase you can't read, DS wasn't able to find a replacement tenant.

And did he approach student welfare about what was going on?

If it were my kid I'd pay it for him. Theres no need to take a stand to prove any kind of point on his behalf.
But I would also feel he needed assertiveness training. He could have moved out as soon as the trouble started, and he could have got help from the Uni.

Don't pay. Block those hounding him/change mobile phone number. What are they going to do take him to court? I was bullied. It affects you for life. Don't let the bullies get away with that behaviour. Paying will leave your son feeling like he has been walked on. At least he can have the one small victory of not having given in to their unreasonable demands.

He is entitled to refuse to do pay anything until he has seen all the bills for the time he was there. It might be worth paying just to see the back of them though.

He is responsible for the bills

but

1. They can take it out of his share of the deposit.
2. If they want more then he has to see copies of all the bills. 5x £60 is an awful lot of money per month for bills. How did they arrive at that figure. Was it just an arbitary amount they agreed on?

Don't pay a penny until he sees the bills to work out his share. Only pay the any additional to his deposit.

They can't take it out of his share of the deposit. The deposit will be held in a separate account by the letting agent.

But eventually they'll get the deposit - unless it's held in his name, but the op doesn't rate his chances of getting it back so unlikely to be in his name. Tough about the time delay. They shouldn't have bullied him.

It's a catch 22, IMO