AIBU - daughter interrailing

[Alwayschanging1]

My DD18 is interrailing this summer with a friend for a couple of weeks.

I am really worried about her doing sleeper trains when she is travelling; I have heard so many bad stories about women being robbed, groped, drugged, hassled etc. so I want her to travel during the day. I have already paid for flights for her and her friend so that they can avoid doing this on one leg of her journey but she is still insisting that they do it on another long leg of the journey.
I am also unhappy about this as it involves changing trains between 3 - 4 am which means hanging around on a station for an hour in the middle of the night - something I have done myself; it was literally terrifying because of the kind of people who hang out at station at that time.
Don't know whether to let it her do the sleeper train or carry on with the argument.
Am I a control freak or am I being reasonable?

As others have said, she is 18, she will be fine. My DD is slightly older (21) and also Inter-railing. I have no idea what trains she is getting, or exactly where she is going. In the nicest possible way, you need to let go of the apron strings.

Can I be the only one to say that I don't think it is sensible to compare posters' experiences of interrailing here and there years ago to the reality of Europe today.
There is a large amount of desperate people trying to cross Europe, right now.

Please refrain from coming on to scoff at me, but I would not be encouraging any young person to go inter-railing this summer.

I did interrailing with one other female friend and loved it, especially the night trains. We did meet a couple whose bags had got stolen. They said police advised locking them to overhead racks with a bike lock.

The ones I got tended to have six seat compartments. The seats pulled out for a big sleeping area. Not sure if same now. We always got on early rather than middle of night so could chat to those we were sharing with. Felt safer somehow. If the door opened it made a big bang which would have been hard to sleep through.

We did have option of upgrading to a more private cabin with proper bunks. Perhaps you could offer to sub your daughter for this if she feels uncomfortable in the free seats. However, I think part of the fun/adventure was trying to do things as cheaply as poss and independently.

Maria I have no intention of scoffing at you. But the desperate people - of whom only a small percentage commit criminal acts anyway - are vastly outnumbered by literally hundreds of millions of settled Europeans. There are thousands of people interrailing right now, every day, without incident. Anyone concerned about avoiding migratory routes can easily do so.

I'm siding against the majority and with MariaSklodowska - I travelled extensively in my teens and twenties and lived in Russia for a year, but I think the security situation for young people travelling in Europe is rather different now. My parent's friends' daughter has just been interrailing and had a horrendous experience (she was travelling with friends), which has traumatised her, although she is determined not to be a victim. There are large numbers of unaccompanied young men who are travelling across Europe currently - I (personally) would not be 'allowing' my daughter to do this trip at this age, but would encourage her to find a different adventure in a different part of the world, and ideally in a mixed group.

I went inter-railing at 18 and got robbed and sexually harassed... but dealt with it and had a great time. Unfortunately she has to learn to deal with these things. Advise her of how to minimise risks and what to do if anything like that should happen, and then set her free...!

Perhaps a short self defence course before she goes? Self defence is an important skill on a night out in England as well as on continental trains.

there are large numbers of unaccompanied young men who are travelling across Europe currently
And the answer to that is "lock up your daughters". I despair.

" Anyone concerned about avoiding migratory routes can easily do so."
well i am not sure how, if they hadn't even considered it previously.
What are the 'migratory routes' then?

Blimeyheck, poor bleedin' refugees, fleeing warzones and genocide and they get to share trains with parent-funded pissed over-protected shrieky students.
It's enough to make them wish they'd not bothered I imagine. But no, let's presume they're all sex maniacs who will want to rape and pillage.
The racist Cologne threads are >>>>>that way.

I've done a few overnight trains in Europe & my advice would be to get the top bunk if possible. That way you can see what is going on, who is coming in etc, and it makes it a lot harder for someone to grope or rob you as they'd have to climb up a ladder first! I slept with my passport, credit card & emergency 50euro in my bra

If it's the type of train that is used by locals then I would highly recommend trying to learn some of the language. Even just the essentials (please, thank you, beer, toilet, sorry) will really endear her to her fellow passengers).

If you book in advance then a lot of train companies make a point of putting women in the same compartment as other women where possible, but there's no guarantee. There's also the option of paying extra to go 1st class so you have far fewer people to share with.

It'd be worth going on some forums for advice on the routes from people who have done it. When I went overnight from Bucharest (Romania) to Chisinau (Moldova) I'd planned to go 1st class as was only a 2 berth. Then I met some people elsewhere in Romania who told me they'd done the same trip & the train was practically empty so I went 2nd class in a 4 berth & had it to myself.

Also when she's getting on and showing tickets to the guard, maybe explain to him/her that she is traveling alone ? Then they can be aware and keep an eye out for her?

thenlateritgotdark - well done, you shut down the debate by shouting 'racist'.

I am not racist, I just think people should be aware that there are more dangers these days than they might have considered previously.

No, I did NOT say lock up your daughters, but I have just witnessed the aftermath of a horrendous sexual assault on a young girl who was attacked by unaccompanied young migrant men travelling across Europe.

Given that very current experience, I said that 'I' would encourage my daughter to travel to places other than Europe and in a mixed group, because of the current situation in Europe. I have lived in Europe, travelled through most of it on various different modes of transport, I also traveled across the States on Greyhound buses and Amtrak trains (when I was 18/19) - none of which were very safe. Given the current issues with migration that Europe is facing, I would not willingly put my daughter in danger. Roll your eyes at me all you like.

🙄

My dd is 16 and we are getting ready for this. ATM, we are putting her on Nat Expr Coaches for various things in the UK, but I'm assuming that this will lead to further travel. I hope so anyway. I actually feel perfectly fine about her climbing aboard a coach, changing coach somewhere miles away etc but once she's actually ON the coach - oh boy, fear, worry, fret! I do it for England. Do I sleep? No!

I absolutely sympathise with you. I think (with me anyway) that a lot of it is to do with trust. Trust that your child is sensible, will make good decisions. Trust that you yourself have prepared her adequately for independence and to make good decisions. I find it much easier to trust my dd than I to trust myself in this case.

I trust DD 100% - but she does not always make the best decisions when it comes to safety. She does not always see the potential consequences of certain decisions. Which is normal at her age.
To be honest, I can cope with the idea of her having stuff stolen. It's the idea of her being in situations where she is at risk from assault - physical or sexual - that leaves me feeling sick to my stomach. That's why I hate sleeper cars - it puts her and her friend in a very vulnerable position.
But I accept I can't/shouldn't intervene and have told her she can do what she wants. The conversation has now switched to what the best model of rape alarm is and which bit of underwear is best for storing her passport.

I take your point, but the more you 'worry' out loud the less attention she will pay to safety. It will end up in a box marked 'stuff parents worry about' along with getting a good pension and eating your greens,

You would be making a much better contribution to be showing you trust her and know she is going to do well. Then you can start to open a small crack in her armour, and talk about things. How will she keep her phone charged? Does she want to carry an alarm, or pepper spray? . What is the law about these in the countries she will be visiting? How much money will she carry around. How will she keep it from view? Small amount in pocket,larger amount hidden (how) ? Much more useful conversation.

Maria and panic I don't think that you are being racist. There is a problem with the behaviour of some migrant men (a small minority in my experience, I live alongside many hundreds in a transit country). But I do think that you are misjudging the overall risk to inter railers. Very understandably panic and I absolutely do not want to minimise the experience of your friend's daughter.