AIBU - daughter interrailing

[Alwayschanging1]

My DD18 is interrailing this summer with a friend for a couple of weeks.

I am really worried about her doing sleeper trains when she is travelling; I have heard so many bad stories about women being robbed, groped, drugged, hassled etc. so I want her to travel during the day. I have already paid for flights for her and her friend so that they can avoid doing this on one leg of her journey but she is still insisting that they do it on another long leg of the journey.
I am also unhappy about this as it involves changing trains between 3 - 4 am which means hanging around on a station for an hour in the middle of the night - something I have done myself; it was literally terrifying because of the kind of people who hang out at station at that time.
Don't know whether to let it her do the sleeper train or carry on with the argument.
Am I a control freak or am I being reasonable?

I wanted to do stuff like when I was 18 and at University.

My parents laid the guilt on and on one occasion forbade me - friends told me to go anyway but I didn't want to upset my parents so didn't.

I do think I lost out - I think it would have helped me build my confidence up and given me some great memories. As it was got on work, save for house then own house tread mill then kids - time and money always being short never had the same opportunity.

( Though have taken note of the inter railing with children idea and will run it past DH and do some research for future years).

I don't suppose any of us realised that their fears would just grow with time.

They didn't want me travel round UK - even to see BF when I became a mother I'd been an an adult 10 years they hated me going to groups and any travel we did piled guilt on and endless phone calls and I was a bad mother etc - when it came up in conversation I was going out for an evening when pfb was 8 months and with DH and they threaten to call SS because for some bizarre reason they assumed I must be leaving baby alone in the house I am ridiculously responsible and always have been so was really hurt by their apparent view of me. They honestly only seem happy when we were confined to our house.

I do wonder if I'd done what I wanted at 18 whether they'd have realised I was an adult and capable of looking after myself and they would have tried to control so much of my 20 and early 30 - till point they now know very little about my life now.

Oddly my younger sister, who has made some crazy life choices, get much less guilt and her child it's great they go off and do things .

I get the concern but I hope when mine are 18 - I'll manage to wave them off after a few minor talks about doing little things to stay safe.

I think YABU. We are way too overprotective of our kids in this country. She is 18!!! My 7yo DD informed me she is going to Australia via Thailand when she is 18 (got the idea from her friend's aunt). Now, THAT I probably will stress about. Inter-railing in Europe sounds quite tame by comparison.

I was just having this conversation with a German friend of mine who said it is very common for Yr 11 kids to do a year abroad, staying with a family. A year at 15!!!

talk about staying safe find some safe travel tips.

buy her a door wedge and padlock and chain (you can padlock luggage to a rail. )

the kind of people who hang out on rail stations in summer will be other inter railing types!

fond memories of a night train in the former yugoslavia drinking beer with yugoslav soldiers playing cards laughing......no gropes at all!

send her on a self defense course before she goes.

build her resilience

if she taking money etc in a money belt then wear the money belt - i know people who got robbed of their money belt...they were not wearing it and had put it in their back pack!! duh..

Understand that you will always worry, whatever she does, but interrailing is really safe.

I'm doing it this Summer all the way to Russia (and potentially beyond into Kyrgyzstan or Mongolia if I get my act together a it but probably not at this late stage) with my children who are 13, 9 and 2 and am not worried at all - not about safety anyway, I'm worried about my general dtiziness and language issues but that's different.

It will be absolutely fine. Sleeper trains have carriage attendants. And the majority are lockable cabins, often single sex.

manic you are giving me some ideas for next year (or the following year) holidays That sounds really great!

Many thanks to all those who have made constructive criticisms/ comments. You have put my mind at rest to some degree about how safe it is, so I might change my approach to this.
To those of you saying she is an adult, she can do what she likes - technically that is correct - but like every other Y13 student she is in the grey area between childhood and independence. For example, adults don't get pocket money from their parents - but she still does. So I am absolutely allowed to express concerns about her safety.

The day she turned 18 she did not get hit by a thunderbolt containing years of experience and knowledge than transformed her into a savvy traveller. She just put on her uniform and walked to school.

No , she doesn't suddenly have years of experience, but she is planning the kind of trip that thousands of teenagers do at her age and stage every year, and that is how they build up wisdom and experience. Has she done any travelling without family before?

DS is off interrailing with friends this summer and he won't even be 18 yet, but I am confident he will be fine, as he has already done quite a few solo trips.

The day she turned 18 she did not get hit by a thunderbolt containing years of experience and knowledge than transformed her into a savvy traveller. She just put on her uniform and walked to school.

But she could have gone to the registry office and got married or enlisted in the army.

I have an 18 year old y13 too. It's a letting go year, isn't it?

Deep breath op, my dd and a friend interrailed around Europe, North Africa and Turkey .... I worried myself sick and they had a wonderful time- no mobile phones or social media (so out of contact for effectively 6 weeks) and tales that made my hair curl!

She'll be fine, and be thankful you've got social media to keep in touch!

They all go interrailing at 18. To be honest the sleeper train was the least of my worries, mine were more like the delights in the clubs they'd come accross.

Op ignore all those saying you're controlling, are you meant to suddenly stop caring about them the moment they turn 18? Having said that, I've taken sleeper trains before and they really are fine, don't forget she's with her friends and there's strength in numbers.

Wow. I did this when I was 18 (a good while ago now) but it was the most amazing experience ever ! She is going to have the time of her life. Isn't Interrailing just that? Travelling by train ? The flight was unnecessary IMO.

exexpat - she has spent a month away on one of those long haul school trips. She has also travelled by herself to stay with family in France, Asia and the Middle East (we are not over protective parents). The first trip where she was old enough to go sight seeing by herself her bag was stolen because she didn't keep an eye on it. She is a bit of a day dreamer and does not always notice what is happening around her.
We did not bat an eyelid when she said she was going interrailing - just smiled and said 'great!'. We have never suggested she should not go. I am only concerned about the overnight sleepers - based on my own experience and that of friends who have had problems. I would also be happier if she were in a larger group - there's only two of them, but that can't be helped.

OK - you've all convinced me she will be fine.
Thanks for the advice on rape alarms, locks for sleeper doors etc.
Any other tips gratefully received.

The day she turned 18 she did not get hit by a thunderbolt containing years of experience and knowledge than transformed her into a savvy traveller. She just put on her uniform and walked to school.

Yes, but surely you've been preparing her for adulthood/independent life/maybe heading away to university for a while already? My four year old is starting school in September, and we've been (largely unconsciously, I mean, rather than some intensive campaign) been working on the skills/independence/resilience he'll need for a while now in the knowledge that school was coming.

TheCladdagh - you're right, it is exactly the same. Except instead of explaining how to hold a crayon you are explaining how to operate a rape alarm.

My mother was like you sound op. Sorry but you need to lighten up. Every time my sister or I did something exciting she'd pour cold water on it by telling us how worried SHE'D be. It really pissed us off. Eventually DSis told her to either be excited for her or shut the fuck up.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain - have you bothered to read the thread?

Sorry . Sounds like you've been convinced already.

Try not to let your worry cloud her excitement.

Cross posts.

No I hadn't "bothered" and I'd already apologised. Try not to be so snippy.

Posted before you apologised. And my snippyness was in response to your less than pleasant post.

The chances of problems really are very low. Let her go. I've done sleeper trains in Europe plenty of times and also all the way from Moscow to Ulan Bator on the Trans Siberian line. The latter took 5 nights and the only probelms I encountered were people wanting to share food and drink with me - and encouraging me to drink more vodka than probably healthy - not one of them laid a hand on me.

Also I strongly suspect that the Mongolian authorities have reason to believe that I import a lot of cable from Russia - one Mongolian trader seemed very keen to help me fill out my forms on the border (they were in Mongolian!) and kept reminding me that if asked the 300m of electrical cable stored under the floorboards were mine - apparently that was my personal cable import limit

As for your DD tell her to get a money belt for valuables and passport, be aware of her surroundings, heed warnings from locals and other travellers and have a great time :)

Is she sticking to Western Europe or is she off to Eastern as well?

listsandbudgets A mix of West and East - but only the very tame Eastern parts (e.g. Prague). Nothing off the beaten track.

All I did was tell you to lighten up Did you not ask for opinions?

Anyway I hope she has a great, safe time.

I hadn't heard of it before and didn't know that it is a 'thing' but want to do it myself now as well as encourage my daughter to in a few years.

Always she'll have a great time. We mismanaged our time (liked Eastern Europe too much especially Bulgaria) and ended up having to take the sleeper train from Prague to Paris so we'd get back to Calais before our tickets expired. Long time ago now though