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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 16 month old needs direct supervision by the pool?

146 replies

cluelessnewmum · 05/06/2016 16:53

Currently on holiday with DH and 16 month old DS, this is the first holiday we've been on when DS is walking.

DH has a different parenting style to me, alot more laid back. He thinks that it is OK to let DS play by the pool (ie right next to it, well within falling in distance) whilst he is about a metre away on a sun lounger, where as I think that if he is going to be that near the pool he needs someone right next to him.

I should say that DS has been taken to swimming lessons from a very young age so does seem to understand that the pool is water and he shouldn't go in, he seems to have good safety awareness, but in my opinion anyone could still slip and fall, he could drop a toy in there and reach too far to get it etc.

DH has just got annoyed with me for saying that we need to take it in turns supervising him when he plays by the pool.

WIBU? How does everyone else manage the taking it in turns thing supervising their young ones on holiday? I'd like to leave DH to it when he is looking after him and I don't want to micromanage which is why I ask the question...

OP posts:
edwinbear · 05/06/2016 21:44

Navy I once gave CPR to an adult snorkeller who was also a certified scuba diver, who panicked whilst holding onto a float being pulled by a guide. He was an adult, not a baby.

NavyAndWhite · 05/06/2016 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 05/06/2016 21:51

YANBU. There are some people who are clearly very lax about safety, that's how accidents happen. Probably the same people who don't cut grapes and say "but my child can chew."

Those life vest things aren't great anyway, DS used to use one with no problem, started using it for DD and she would immediately tip forwards face first into the water and couldn't get up again, thankfully I was right next to her and got her up quickly (you know, as a responsible parent next to their young child in water). Arms bands were better for her but when DS tried to use armbands, he would sink down in the middle and struggled to get up. Floatation devices do not mean a toddler can be left right next to water alone.

If the DH is sat a meter away, there is no reason why he cannot go and sit on the edge of the pool, just doesn't want to get off his lounger Hmm.

edwinbear · 05/06/2016 21:51

He panicked because he got over tired, couldn't clear the water from his snorkel and it all went downhill from there. The point I'm making was that he was an adult, a strong swimmer and had someone supervising him less than 1m away and still nearly died.

NavyAndWhite · 05/06/2016 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoinItFine · 05/06/2016 21:55

I'm not being remotely hysterical.

I sjould probably stop being surprised that so kanynpeople are so reckless with their children's safety around water.

We already know that from the drowning figures.

LittleShirley you weren't expecting your child to fall in the pool, you were just walking past it. Different to a parent sat watching their child by the swimming pool.

I would laugh if I knew there was no way you would ever be the adukt in child of children near a pool.

Seriously?

You think a child is safer from drowning if their parent expects them.to fall in?

Hint: if you are exoecting your child to fall into water, you aren't supervising them properly.

And yes, it will be your fault if they get hurt.

DoinItFine · 05/06/2016 21:59

Her example is exactly comparable.

It is very easy to get into serious danger in water, even if youbare an adult and a strong and experienced swimmer.

16 month old babies are very, very vulnerable to drowning, very quickly, even in water they can stand in.

If your baby is playing by the side of a pool, then you need to be beside them and constantly attentive.

DrCoconut · 05/06/2016 22:00

You can't be too careful. You don't get a second chance if a child drowns. My PIL had a pond at their old house and DS2 was never allowed in the garden alone, you could see through the patio doors etc but too big a risk. The same goes for a pool. Nothing less than direct supervision is enough. Besides, despite his best intentions my DH would nod off within minutes if he was laid down in the warm. Again not worth the risk.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 05/06/2016 22:06

If the child is playing at the side of the pool not in the pool do you actually need to be sitting next to the pool at all. I would go and find a nice bit of grass/beach to play on.

SoThatHappened · 05/06/2016 22:12

1 metre...100cm.....how close do you need to be?

30cm? Skin to skin contact?

CocktailQueen · 05/06/2016 22:12

Some really bizarre views on here.

There's no such thing as being too safe by a pool.

There is plenty of time to have a villa/pool holiday when your dc is older. For now, why not hire a completely safe villa with a garden and fenced pool? or no pool? So they can pootle around and you don't have to be within an inch of them every second.

We only started villa/pool holidays when the youngest dc was 6. Far too stressful otherwise.

So YANBU.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 05/06/2016 22:16

Drowning is a major cause of child mortality. Sitting on a sun lounger to me is too risky. You need to be right by their side holding their hand at all times to reduce any risk. I despair at the cool mums making out anyone who thinks tiny children shouldn't be playing by the poolside are neurotic parents

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/06/2016 22:16

Until they can swim, IMO they should always have a flotation aid at beach or pool unless you're actually in the water right beside them. PLEASE take note, it can happen SO quickly. My dd2 at under 2 got herself out of her buggy while I was just packing up to leave the pool, picking up wet towels and so on. My back was turned for just a minute or two - in that time she got herself into just the shallow baby end - by the time I saw her she was floating on her back, blue in the face and not breathing. Thank God we saw her in time - I was there just with one friend and her kids and the pool was not manned - friend gave her artificial respiration and she was soon fine again, but I will never forget those moments of sheer panic.

Within a very few days of that I took her back to the pool and stayed in the water with her - without her armbands - and made a concerted effort to get her to swim, which she did quite quickly. I had never had to try with dd1 - at about the same age she wanted to take her armbands off and jump in - while I was already in the water - and just came up swimming, underwater like a tadpole.

But PLEASE, anybody heading for pool or beach soon, just don't take the risk. I had thought I was so careful, only to learn the hard way - thank God it wasn't so much worse.

CocktailQueen · 05/06/2016 22:17

If the child is playing at the side of the pool not in the pool do you actually need to be sitting next to the pool at all. I would go and find a nice bit of grass/beach to play on.

And yy to this ^^

RedCrimson · 05/06/2016 22:19

I'm with you OP. When mine were toddlers, one of us were actively playing with them by or in the pool. I wouldn't be comfortable with being on a sun lounger. Toddlers are too fast. Although I suffer with anxiety, and can see that being 1m away is sufficient. Just not sufficient for me, or other pp so it seems.

OP, you need to do what makes you feel that your DS is safe.

2catsnowaiting · 05/06/2016 22:20

I may be missing the point but I don't see why you would have a 16 month old playing BY a pool. If it was me, either we would all be IN the pool playing together, or we would be somewhere else, doing something else. If we wanted to attempt relaxation while child plays a) that would be very unlikely to happen and b) it would be in a playground/garden/other safe space where the child would be able to play safely while I attempted to relax.

I also find it a bit sad that supervising your child is seen as a chore that you have to take turns over. When we go on holiday, it's in order to enjoy time together as a family. When we went on holiday with DD aged 16 months, the three of us did everything together and had a lovely time doing child-friendly things. Don't think I managed to read a book, but that's holidaying with children for you.

MadeForThis · 05/06/2016 22:22

I read an article today about secondary drowning which was terrifying. For that reason alone I wouldn't want to risk a child falling into the pool.

NavyAndWhite · 05/06/2016 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idontlikealdi · 05/06/2016 22:25

I don't think it's neurotic at all. At 16m you need to be on grabbing distance.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 05/06/2016 22:28

I'd be far more worried about them playing on the wet pool surround (rubber/tiles/concrete) than the water - unless it's grass, and that's rare, I'd be in the water with the child or playing elsewhere.

DoinItFine · 05/06/2016 22:29

30cm? Skin to skin contact?

Yes, pretty much.

And ideally between the child and the pool.

Also you need to be looking AT the child.

Basically, a baby near a pool is not chill time for the adult in charge.

How close would you want to be to a 16 month old beside a road?

Stay that close and that attentive

Chinks123 · 05/06/2016 22:29

It's not being neurotic to me at all, he hasn't got any sort of floatation device on and he can't swim...yes he is 1m away but if happens to look away for a split second which is all it takes, he could be in.
I know pps have said "how close do you need to be" but...to a 16mnth old with no armbands on you need to be close!

Kids can drown in the bath while the parent nips for a towel etc it happens fast so he needs to be watching him (really watching him) and he needs a life vest on.

edwinbear · 05/06/2016 22:31

Agreed. If toddler is playing by the side of the pool, I would be standing in the pool, in front of the child ready to catch,

MummyBex1985 · 05/06/2016 22:33

Crikey. Last year I panicked giving my strong swimmers (11, 10 & 9 at the time) any freedom to swim by themselves. I was next to the pool on a sun lounger trying to read but having kittens!

At 16mo they'd be on a lounger with me or in the pool with me. Anything else is too risky!

hownottofuckup · 05/06/2016 22:39

I would want to avoid the baby falling in in the first place, due to dry drowning. Which can then occur hours later.
Tbh, I just wouldn't have him playing by the side of the pool tbh.