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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 16 month old needs direct supervision by the pool?

146 replies

cluelessnewmum · 05/06/2016 16:53

Currently on holiday with DH and 16 month old DS, this is the first holiday we've been on when DS is walking.

DH has a different parenting style to me, alot more laid back. He thinks that it is OK to let DS play by the pool (ie right next to it, well within falling in distance) whilst he is about a metre away on a sun lounger, where as I think that if he is going to be that near the pool he needs someone right next to him.

I should say that DS has been taken to swimming lessons from a very young age so does seem to understand that the pool is water and he shouldn't go in, he seems to have good safety awareness, but in my opinion anyone could still slip and fall, he could drop a toy in there and reach too far to get it etc.

DH has just got annoyed with me for saying that we need to take it in turns supervising him when he plays by the pool.

WIBU? How does everyone else manage the taking it in turns thing supervising their young ones on holiday? I'd like to leave DH to it when he is looking after him and I don't want to micromanage which is why I ask the question...

OP posts:
Laiste · 05/06/2016 17:24

If my toddler was pottering round a pool i'd get them a little life vest.

Something like
www.amazon.co.uk/Jacket-Neoprene-Float-Trainer-Raspberry/dp/B016QHCZUI/ref=sr_1_13?s=sports&ie=UTF8&qid=1465143773&sr=1-13.

LeiasBuns · 05/06/2016 17:25

Cross-posts. Buy him a floatation vest - that sounds plenty.

livvylongpants · 05/06/2016 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoodieToo · 05/06/2016 17:37

YANBU!! We have five kids and always holidayed in villas with pools when they were younger. I think you really need to be holding on to the child at all times.

The reason I say this is because of the time it can take you to react and get the kid out.
I was walking along with my youngest child who was about 18 months at the time. I let go of his hand for a second and he fell into the deeper side of the pool.
I got straight in and got him out but he was really, really distraught by the time I did.
Afterwards he referred to it as 'the spooky forest' so I always wondered if he saw some scary images because of his terror.
It would have been much worse for him if I hadn't been right with him.

So I'm with you on this one , OP. Terrifying how long even seconds are when a child is in difficulty in the water.

branofthemist · 05/06/2016 17:38

We have a flotation best for our five year old. He can swim, but not fantastically.

He likes wearing and it gives us some peace of mind.

MrsSpecter · 05/06/2016 17:39

So you and your partner held on to 5 kids at all times newr the pool foodie? What fun they must have had.

GingerIvy · 05/06/2016 17:41

He is 1m away. He will hear the initial splash.

Do not EVER ever be foolish enough to believe this. As someone who has had to talk people through CPR on drowned children, I can tell you very clearly that sometimes a child will literally just slip into the water with practically no noise at all. I have heard people say "we didn't hear anything, just turned around for a second, and they were in the water."

If your eyes are not trained on your child by the water, you are not supervising him, at that age.

FranHastings · 05/06/2016 17:42

I was sat right by my 18month old toddler in the baby pool. I took my eye off her for literally a split second and when I looked back, she was floating face down in the pool. I had heard nothing and she thought she was blowing bubbles. It was terrifying, even though it was probably only secondhand she was fine. They have no sense of danger.

OTheHugeManatee · 05/06/2016 17:42

I thought '1m away and watching at all times' was quite a good definition of 'direct supervision' Confused

FranHastings · 05/06/2016 17:43

*only seconds.

I had a hand on her after that and she still threw herself face down into the water again. Again, no obvious sound.

MrsSpecter · 05/06/2016 17:44

Well this guy is watching the child. So he would see any fall.

titchy · 05/06/2016 17:45

Yes of course yabu. He IS supervising him - he's watching him and is a metre away. Yes if he falls in he'll be distressed - the same as he would be if he fell over - but your dh will be able to fish him out in under a second so no harm done.

araiba · 05/06/2016 17:55

yabu

he is watching from 1m away

thats direct supervision

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 05/06/2016 17:57

I would fall asleep on a sun lounger.
I don't think the 1m distance is the problem, I just wouldn't believe there was constant watching going on. You both chose a holiday with a pool and a tiny, you have to be responsible for him.

MillionToOneChances · 05/06/2016 18:30

I'm worried that if he did fall in he'd fall awkwardly and hit his head ir something and the shock would upset him

As long as your DH is actively watching him from 1m away I think that's fine. If your son does fall in and learns that messing around by the pool can lead to an upsetting fall that is no bad thing. My son walked straight into the pool at this age and he was far more careful after we'd fished him straight back out.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 05/06/2016 19:06

1 meter away, paying attention to DD not on phone/reading etc is fine, I'm sure he'd jump into the water in seconds to rescue DS if he needed to.

countingkids123 · 05/06/2016 19:45

We went on holiday when the DTs were 12m old. DS2 decided to crawl next to DHs legs as his was standing next to the pool talking to me and DS1 who were swimming. DS2 carried on crawling and plunged head first into the water. DH leant down and grabbed an ankle, and DS2 was none the worse for it. Not even fazed. We knew from his swimming lessons that when dunked he refuse to show any instinct to kick upwards, unlike his sister. It could have been so different. DH could have been distracted with dealing with DD and I could have been at the other end of the pool, unable to quickly get to him while keeping DS1 safe also.
The other danger I found on that holiday was the sun loungers around the pool were on concrete. This was just the age that the twins were starting to climb over everything and I was also worried they could fall and crack their heads open on the concrete. We only visited the pool twice on that holiday, preferring to head to the beach instead where the DCs were much happier playing at the edge
Of the sea while I worried about them eating used cigarette butts instead Hmm

signalred · 05/06/2016 19:50

Id be ok with a metre away. As long as he's sat up watching him, and I presume he has a safety vest on or armbands? It's fine

limon · 05/06/2016 19:51

yanbu . ALL children need direct supervision at the pool even when they can swim competently.

HackerFucker22 · 05/06/2016 19:56

Is there any doubt about child being watched at all times OP? Do you think your partner will get distracted?

Personally for me (and we went away with a very responsible 19mo) I'd be on the waters edge with them.

Hissy · 05/06/2016 20:00

been taken to swimming lessons from a very young age

16m is STILL a VERY young age.

Your child MUST be directly supervised around water. No lounger, no books, music. No snoozes

You and h need to take turns.

Hissy · 05/06/2016 20:00

And yes, I'm aware this is exhausting. Try doing it as a single parent.. You come back from holidays more exhausted than when you left.

DoinItFine · 05/06/2016 20:07

YANBU

1 metre is too far.

You need to be able to prevent the small toddler falling into the deep water.

I can't believe people think it's enough to be aware that your baby has just fallen into a pool.

Your job is to make sure they CANNOT fall into the pool.

16 month olds are way too small to be beside deep water without an adult well within reaching distance.

If you have to "fish" your toddler out of a swimming pool they fell into, yiu were not supervising them adequately.

DoinItFine · 05/06/2016 20:13

Bizarre thread

Yes, let him play on the cliff edge, you'll hear him scream if he goes over.

Sure if he pulls the kettle all over himself, you can take a few steps over to him if he is scalded.

No need to stay near him by a busy road, the screech of brakes will alert you if he gets in front of a car.

summerainbow · 05/06/2016 20:22

I was in the pool watching my 3 year oldl he had floating swimming costume on. Out of nowhere came this running toddler with arm band with both parents running behind . He jumps in pool right beside me life guard blowing his whistle at me and pointing at kid .mum get in pool and fishes toddler out . It happen in heart beat . I still see it slow motion. I did not attempt to save the kids as I had no idea what was going on.