I've had the said au pair for a long time, and she really is like a part of the family. I am a single parent and have one DD and she is 3,5. The AP is absolutely brilliant and fantastic, and I wouldn't doubt her judgement for a second.
DD is off nursery for the week and AP has had her for full days (all paid for extra).
Au pair was sick on Wednesday night, poor thing was throwing up and was just really unwell. My best friend, who is also DD's god mother, offered to take DD out for the next day (Thursday) as she had time off work and wanted to see her. She has her own keys to our house. She also has two older kids who are staying at grandparents for the week.
Now, the situation as told by my BF - She walked into the house only to find the AP asleep in her bedroom, with DD in the living room on her own eating fruit and watching telly. She said she was horrified, and couldn't believe how irresponsible my au pair is, to leave a toddler watching tv on her own. She said she walked into the APs room to confront her and all AP did was keep her mouth shut and then my BF took my DD and left.
NOW THE AP SIDE - DD woke up 7 am (I'm out of the house by 6.30), she got up, gave her breakfast, gave her a shower, washed and dried her hair, got her dressed, and by the time all that was done it was already 9. She cut up an apple, a banana, watermelon and left some raisins on the coffee table along with DD's water bottle and put on a cartoon and went to lie back down as she was still feeling really ill. at about 9.30 my BF walked in and shouted at her - calling her a disgrace and a bad au pair, an irresponsible brat and lazy teenager, saying she'll never ever let her babysit her DC again (ap babysits for extra cash) and that she'll make sure to tell me and everyone else what happened so they would never leave her children alone with someone who thinks it's okay to sleep during their working hours leaving a three year old unattended. AP said she was in shock and couldn't believe she was being such a bitch to her. as soon as they left AP called me to say what has happened and cried on the phone.
Few facts - 1.AP's bedroom door lead straight into the living room. her bed is positioned so that if her door is open she can see the sofa in the living room. Her doors were open.
- DD is a really calm child, and rarely gets tv time. so when she does get to watch tv, she will sit quietly and watch.
- AP is the type of person that jumps out of her bed in the middle of the night straight away if she hears DD crying. I don't doubt for a second that even the slightest whine from DD would have her sprinting to the living room to check on her.
When I called my BF to ask if what AP said was true her response was - ''WELL OF COURSE IT IS!!! How can you leave your child with someone stupid enough to think it's okay to leave a toddler alone while she sleeps! the lazy cow (and a lot of other things and name calling)!'' to which I completely lost it and told her to fuck off. I would've done the same thing if it was me in the position, and if DD was sorted out completely why wouldn't she lie down. anyways we got into a very heated argument and said a lot of things, and I think she was completely out of line and told her not to talk to me if she's gonna go batshit crazy over something that doesn't concern her. some other mutual friends of ours said that BF was right, and AP shouldn't have done that and that I shouldn't have picked the AP's side in this. I'm still sticking to believing that my BF is wrong in this scenario and didn't have to right to insult and make my au pair feel bad over something that I support.
Opinions now, am I really being unreasonable with this? Should I have taken my best friend's side and had a chat with ap about responsibility (like several people have told me I should've). Or am I right to stick by my au pair in this?
The ap really is amazing. I even asked her if she wanted the day off if she was sick and she turned it down, saying she can manage for a few hours until the BF arrives. sorry for the long post!