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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 11 year old DS film himself for Youtube?

42 replies

LavenderLedge · 03/06/2016 15:01

His friends have Youtube accounts and make videos of themselves. Now my DS wants to do the same but I've said no because I feel he's too young to have his face online.

AIBU? Am I being too cautious?

Genuinely interested in replies - they may make me reconsider.

DS is currently stamping around his bedroom in a strop as I keep saying no.

OP posts:
Idliketobeabutterfly · 03/06/2016 15:04

I wouldn't and I have an account and have my own footage on there. No way, no how will my own son be on there before sixteen.

branofthemist · 03/06/2016 15:05

There is no right or wrong answer to this.

My Dd (almost 11) does videos. But it's all in my name and the are craft ones where you can only see her hands. No one outside me and dh and my mum know it's her.

But I don't think it's wrong to allow it, assuming you are monitoring his internet usage anyway. And I don't think it's wrong to say no.

Floggingmolly · 03/06/2016 15:06

Not unreasonable at all. We've given in on the Youtube accounts (after much argument debate), but the no faces rule is as hard and fast as the no disclosing personal information one.

They're nearly 10 and 12.

VioletBam · 03/06/2016 15:08

YANBU. You have to consider that anything he puts out there, will remain out there even if deleted.

This sort of thing opens the door for cyber bullying and at 11 they just don't have the sense to decide if a video will show them in a good light or not.

I have visions of kids putting up vids that show them in a terrible light then being seen 7 years down the line when they're applying for jobs etc!

That might be a stretch but it's possible. So no.

VioletBam · 03/06/2016 15:09

Bran has the right idea. But if it's anything like my friend's son's videos then it's acting stuff out, play fighting etc. And that's not a good idea.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 03/06/2016 15:10

Also if you decide to allow it, disable comments as you can get really freaky ones.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/06/2016 15:11

At that age I'd want to approve any videos he put up. Could be a good mentoring opportunity - teaching him how to think about what goes online. Then when he is old enough that you can't really stop him, he will have good knowledge on how to make the decisions for himself. Whereas if you just say no, eventually he's going to work out how to do it without you knowing and then you won't know what goes up and you won't have the opportunity to teach him how to decide.

araiba · 03/06/2016 15:12

what do you think would happen if there was a video of him play fighting on youtube?

Floggingmolly · 03/06/2016 15:15

Oh, and DH watches everything before ok'ing it to upload. They've no option on this; he has the password. It can get a slight bit tedious trawling through the ds's commentary on whatever Xbox game they're currently playing / filming; but we know exactly what's on there before it's on there, iikwim.

popmimiboo · 03/06/2016 15:15

Following with interest! My 10 year old wants to start a gymnastics channel (-she watches lots of really nice American ones) but I think it would need a lot of monitoring and investment from my side too, so the jury's still out!
Her sister, 14, has offered to set her up, and monitor an instagram gymnastics account instead, but, again, I really never use instagram and need to look into it before agreeing.

Onlyicanclean10 · 03/06/2016 15:19

I think you are in danger of him not asking you things again unfortunately.

Lots of 11 year old wouldn't bother.

I think banning stuff is sloppy and just makes a parent feel the issue is dealt with while the kid will just do it anyway behind your back.

Best work with him to teach him Internet safety and appropriate behaviour on the net.

bridgetoc · 03/06/2016 15:23

YANBU

SirChenjin · 03/06/2016 15:25

I don't have a problem with this at all. Disable the comments and monitor the content before you put it up. It's just one form of social media - far better to teach them about using it safely than putting a blanket ban on it imo.

gadget1974 · 03/06/2016 15:42

I recently had this issue with my son doing minecraft video's with his friend. I check everything posted and tbh, they rarely get more than a couple of dozen views. Keep an eye out for cyber bullying though.

Nataleejah · 03/06/2016 16:16

What exactly does he want to film? If its, lets say skaeboard stunts, or crafts - i see no problem. But when kids film themselves doing stupid stuff. Thats a gateway to bullying and embarassment later on.

phlebasconsidered · 03/06/2016 16:19

No. I get to hear nasty cyber bullying cases in my job as teacher and any online content is ripe for that.

I educate my class using the ceops videos, which are great, and they really show the dangers well. If you and he want to go ahead remember no faces, no personal spaces, no identifying rooms or streets, no names. It sounds over cautious, but speaking as someone who has dealt with parents and police over a horrific response to one child's gymnastic videos, you really must be cautious. Nothing should be filmed that is in any way identifying.

Personally, neither of my two will be uploading any videos until they are 16. I've seen the fallout from pre teens doing it and it's nasty.

I really do recommend the ceops site.

coco1810 · 03/06/2016 16:55

This reared its ugly head in our house last year. "EVERYONE" in DS class had a YouTube channel/account and we were an absolute no. We explained that as soon as you put something on the net its there forever. You are basically inviting anyone out of the billions of people in this world into your life. Also, you need to consider cyber bullying. Unfortunately, there laws in this country do not match international law. How would you stop a kid in Australia bullying your child in the UK?

SirChenjin · 03/06/2016 17:47

Exactly how do you think they will be bullied by a child in Australia?

TrivialBlah · 03/06/2016 18:07

As a pp posted suggested you can disable comments so that people can view but can't comment. Ds (9) has recently been asking for a YouTube account but I haven't allowed it yet, I have however looked into it and that's when I read about that the comments section could be disabled.

Ds has stopped asking atm, think it's just another fad at school, not all kids have it but some do and then everyone else wants a part of it. It's hard but it's the way technology has evolved, there are some great advantages to it but it's something we have to monitor very carefully. There are kids out there with real successfully YouTube channels, with millions of views and they've done very well out of it, at least I presume they have.

I'm still holding off for as long as I can though.

TrivialBlah · 03/06/2016 18:08

Excuse the typos!

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/06/2016 18:09

Much the way Star Wars kid was, I would imagine SirChenjin

Furiosa · 03/06/2016 18:20

BoomBoomsCousin exactly. If your DS's face is visible it's worse in my opinion. Just because you disable comments his videos can still be downloaded and uploaded with comments activated.

If his face isn't visible and he's not doing anything that could be considered embarrassing it might be ok.

What does he want to make videos about?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/06/2016 18:24

It's difficult but my 11 year old DSes did.

They loved it. It was a big thing for them.

They're now mid/late teens and loved that time when they did that. They look back fondly.

coco1810 · 03/06/2016 18:43

sirchejin just because you've disabled your comments it doesn't prevent anything being shared and comments going viral.

SirChenjin · 03/06/2016 18:49

Which is the same for any age of child or teen. Providing that they are not doing anything beyond uploading videos of themselves doing more than making lego models or that type of thing, all you can do is teach them basic cyber safety - as you would any other forms of safety.