Seeing a friend's husband on a dating website?

[jubileepancakes]

Oh dear. What's the etiquette here?? Do I pretend I haven't seen him or say something?

WIBU to even broach the subject?

I'd contact him to tell him to explain to your friend only giving him one full day (next day), saying in your email or text that you're keeping a copy and will be talking with her the day after. If you clearly say in communication that if this is some genuine error (friend posted as joke) then you'll be happy to hear this from her, you'll give yourself a way out if wrong. I expect she won't be happy and would prefer truth now!

Ok, I didn't think of that I guess.

What about the blurb though!? Does it match him? age, location, hobbies, likes, body type, height.....

At what time sending anonymous letters became the right thing to do? If you are prepared to interfere do it face to face, like honest people do, otherwise stay out of it.

Be also prepared not to be believed. He is the husband so I assume that if she thinks she is in a good relationship, she will be far more likely to believe whatever lies her husband says, even if you show her a print out if the website.

Tread carefully it could well be a stolen photo.

Save his photo, do an image search on it and see if that same photo is being used on any other site.

Personally I'd approach him and say I'd found his pic on a site and leave it at that.

It's says Facebook verified on it. Does that mean he would have had to have logged into Facebook to join? Does that make it more likely to actually be him?

Ach, I had this recently.

I haven't said anything, as I don't know the circs tbh.
They might have separated or have an open relationship.
I'm not that close to her.

I did see a friends husband active on tinder the night after his wife had taken her life.
I don't know how he deals with stuff, but I don't have any respect for him any more. (He was an arse anyway.)

I might be out of date here but way back when zoosk first linked with Facebook, you could have it attached to your profile and then never actually use it and forget you ever did it (like I did!). So while it lasts looks like he's on a dating site, he could have linked it way back when he actually didn't have children etc and he still turns up on it. I'm wondering now if mine still pops up on it because I never did bother to come off it because I never used it beyond linking them the first time.

But it might have changed now! Can't keep track of all this tech.

Just flipping tell her, anonymously if required. I can't imagine any woman who would rather not know her beloved was after a random fuck

It said online recently on it

But does it do that if the Facebook account has been online or the actual zoosk thing?

Just because when I linked it way back when, it wasn't like plenty of fish where you actively log on and stuff. It was just through Facebook.

I have no idea. I like to think it's fake but I don't know.

I think I'll keep my nose out just in case.

I'd want to know if it was my if its not true I'd like him to explain

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's probably a duck, very very unlikely to be a stolen picture or account made by anyone else. I'd tell her. I definitely wouldn't contact him and give him chance to line his excuses up.

Will his online account show you have visited it? Photos of recent profiles etc.

I don't have a profile photo up yet so if it does he won't know who I am

Well, I would tell her.

Send her a message with the picture, saying something along the lines of 'sorry to message you like this but I've just found this on a dating site. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship but if it was my partner actively on such a site I would definitely want to know'

Not OLD but I knew a friends wife was cheating. I knew they weren't happy in their marriage and were getting counselling.

I didn't say anything and they seperate soon after. Didn't want to be the messenger that got shot. Was just there for him to pick up the pieces. Turned out he had his suspicions and was glad people didn't poke their noses into his private business. He was mortified the marriage broke down

If you wanted to print out the page as proof, most broswers offer a print page function. If when printing it doesn't include date/time/website on it (usually in the headers and footers), then another option is to print to file, ie it saves the page as a file (mine does this as a pdf file) and again, it should show the date/time/website details.

Print, post (in an envelope with her name on, you can print a label or the envelope itself if your handwriting is recognisable) no need to get involved in any other way.

If she knows, it won't be a problem, if she doesn't she can make an informed choice.

You won't be responsible for the breakdown of their marriage, he will be! If they were looking for a threesome then surely the profile would say that. I would print it out and show her. If she knows then no harm done. If it's a fake then surely they want to know about it so they can do something about it. If he's stupid enough to cheat with his own name and picture on a dating site then he deserves all he gets. He must know there's a chance of being recognised!

Just saw it was Zoosk.

Actually they randomly signed me up without any permission once when I was happily married. I didn't know until I got all these messages on fb saying "hey saw you on zoosk..."

It was before "other messages" were a thing so I knew I was on it. Now I wouldn't even know.

Maybe contact him saying "you know you've been signed up?" See what he says.

I know of a few people it happened to. Bloody irritating.

What did you decide to do OP?

This happened to me, my best friend saw DH on dating sites and told me. She had screenshots otherwise I wouldn't have believed her. I am so glad she told me, so is DH. She saved our marriage and more. Please, please tell her, OP. FructoseTart's message is a good one

I haven't done anything. I've seen her a lot and I can't bear it. Feels so wrong to say something but also feel wrong to have seen what I've seen.

Please tell her. She needs to know what's going on.