Seeing a friend's husband on a dating website?

[jubileepancakes]

Oh dear. What's the etiquette here?? Do I pretend I haven't seen him or say something?

WIBU to even broach the subject?

I had the same situation.

Told her.

Turns out they're in an open relationship and she knew all about it.

Tell her- it's the right thing to do.

Jeez. This is horrible. Maybe I'll just chat a bit about my situation to see whether she opens up to me. I'd definitely want to know if it was me but I certainly don't want to be responsible for their marriage breaking down.

I would want to know 100%
If it was a proper friend I wouldn't think twice.
I would tell them.

This happened to an acquaintance who saw my best mate's fella on Tinder (but obvs actively looking for a hookup). Turned out they'd decided to have an open relationship and she wasn't bothered. That didn't work out but completely separate issue.

I wouldn't approach him. He'd just realise he'd been rumbled and go 'underground'/find more discrete means of finding OW. It wouldn't change his behaviour, just make him more careful which (if she isn't aware) could let it drag on for years. Least if he's being that stupid she has the chance to find out what she's dealing with.

I've just looked again in more detail...says no children and never married

Also, I'm a caring, honest guy

When you say dating, is it actually proper dating? Or something like Tinder that loads of people put their profile up on coz they want to know if anyone fancies them?

It's on Zoosk. So is that what people use Tinder for? I'm really new to it so a little unsure myself.

Do NOT tell him first - it just enables him to cover his tracks.

Contact her - in person, text, whatever - send her the link or make a screenshot of it. Send it anonymously if you must - but I would want to know.

I wouldn't approach him. He'd just realise he'd been rumbled and go 'underground'/find more discrete means of finding OW. It wouldn't change his behaviour, just make him more careful which (if she isn't aware) could let it drag on for years. Least if he's being that stupid she has the chance to find out what she's dealing with

THIS^

No cheating bastard has ever thought "oh that woman from the school gates is on to me - best mend my ways now that she's had a quiet word".

It really depends how close you are. If you are not close then don't. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you are doing the right thing - They truly won't appreciate it coming from you if it isn't your place.

I know Just5Min. In fact some of the ballbags I've known would think you were coming on to them by starting a convo like that.

Doesn't surprise me Craic

Someone sent me a screenshot of my ex & his profile said no kids.
I was livid for about 5 seconds until I thought about what would I do & had to admit probably the same in the circumstances.

Huge pinch of salt needed in relation to anything you see on tinder & the likes but I would still mention it.

Depends how close you are and what you know about her relationship?

I might print and post...

Print and post - that way you're not in the cross-fire.

LOL at ''somebody created a fake profile".

Where do I start.

If you set up a dating site you need to use an email, and the account isn't active until the email account user receives the email notification and verifies it by clicking on the link.

But supposing that happened, did the friend use their own email (they'd have to, in order to verify the account) and somebody else's photo?

Why? they'd have to plan to just message and never meet up.

I mean the profile isn't active until the email link that is automatically sent is clicked on to verify the profile.

I think I would print and post too, although if it was a really close friend I think I would just say.

Possibly get to know her a bit better, chat more and see how you feel then. His 'never married, no children' is bad.
She does need to know, maybe an anonymous heads up is a serious possibility. Difficult to deal with.

Er, you wouldn't be responsible for breaking up the marriage, he would.

Print and send. She deserves to know.

And / Or.... wind him up good and proper first.

Tell her.

I'd want to know

Chatarunga - I'm assuming people mean more along the lines of stolen identity/photo; apparently it's not that uncommon on online dating sites. Happens more often if the person is a supermodel, of course.

I would tell her, whether in person or anonymously. And definitely don't say anything to him first!

If you set up a dating site you need to use an email, and the account isn't active until the email account user receives the email notification and verifies it by clicking on the link

So set up the email address "[email protected]". Search for photos. Download random photo. Set up fake profile with fake email. It happens. Not all profiles are real. Might not be likely, but should be investigated as a possibility.

Screen grab the page and save that file for later.

Print it off making sure you have the date and time it was printed at the bottom of the sheet as well as the web address at the top so she can check it out for herself.

That way the husband wont be able to say 'oh its from years ago' or 'oh someone has a vendetta and mocked up that page/faked an account'.

Another part of me though is saying Message him! see if he replies. Arrange to meet up and send her a printout of the messages and where he plans to meet. But then again I do like a good honey trap and think people like this deserve to be shown for the real people they are. Not in anyway suggesting you do this but I would get a lot of satisfaction in catching out a cheater.

If you're close enough and you think you'll be able to keep a straight enough face , ask for her advice on your dilemma. As in "I've seen a friend's husband on OLD, what would you do?" and then maybe try to steer the conversation in the direction of what she would e.g. "If it was me, I would prefer that x, but I know that not everyones the same, what do you think/feel?"

Then follow her advice. If she would want to be told, you've already done the lead in about breaking it gently (if she already has suspicions, you might find she asks you at some point in the conversation). If she wouldn't want to know, well then you haven't told her. And you have done that knowing she wouldn't want to know.