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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding invitation

70 replies

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:09

I have just received an invite to my cousins wedding. It isn't local and the invitation has been addressed to me dh and Dd1. My aunt has confirmed that Dd2 and Dd3 are not invited as they have an age cut off. Dd are 13 11 and 4.
Aibu to think this is odd. When I got married we invited all ages but maybe I am out of touch.

OP posts:

GreenishMe · 31/05/2016 21:14

Yanbu...I wouldn't go

mnpeasantry · 31/05/2016 21:15

Weird. Don't validate by accepting.

AuntJane · 31/05/2016 21:15

It appears to be fairly common for weddings to be "child free" these days. If your cousin is happy to have teenagers present but no younger, it is her perigative.

PurpleDaisies · 31/05/2016 21:15

It's weird to invite some of your children and not others. I wonder why they didn't just make it child free.

Querty12345 · 31/05/2016 21:17

Tell them you will come if they will pay for the childcare. Please tell me you got a vile cap-in-hand poem and only an evening invite? PLEASE?!

sepa · 31/05/2016 21:18

I think it's actually becoming more common although for us the cut off is usually any kids over newborn!

I think part of the problem with having kids (especially if B & G are childless) is how to entertain them without adding extra costs. Let's be honest, some weddings are boring as hell and younger kids don't suck it up like older kids do!

Ultimately you have to decide if you want to go without children. I think taking 1 and not all 3 of them would be a bit off so I would say either you and DH go alone (as you would have to have a babysitter for the other 2) or none of you go

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:24

It's tricky. Will research childcare close to venue before I decide.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:25

It's full day and no poem thankfully.

OP posts:

Boysnme · 31/05/2016 21:29

Personally I'd politely decline, or leave all the DC behind. It's up to them who they invite but for me I wouldn't take one DC and leave two at home.

Querty12345 · 31/05/2016 21:40

That's good! Maybe just send them a gift and a 'sorry but we can't make it have a lovely day' note if you're unable to arrange childcare. I can imagine this would be difficult considering it is far away you may need to stay the night/go the night before.

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:42

At a push we could drive down on the day but would need to stay one overnight.
No I couldn't bring one and not the other two.

OP posts:

Bolograph · 31/05/2016 21:50

The invitation means "we don't want you to attend, but we're sending you an invitation you couldn't possibly accept in order to say at least we invited you. But please fuck off".

Inviting one out of three children? How appalling. Just RSVP that you can't attend, and cross them off your Christmas card list.

Bogeyface · 31/05/2016 21:59

Sounds like a gift grab invite to me.

My mum had one recently from her cousins dd who she met once when she was born 30 years ago. Other side of the country, midweek and with a note saying that they would prefer "non boxed" gifts.....

Mum sent a cheque despite me telling her not to.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 31/05/2016 22:00

I wouldn't go. An age cut off where some siblings can attend and some can't is just fucking rude. They could have done no children, family children only, BF babies only, not this. I especially wouldn't travel for it. At a push I'd go and leave all 3 children at home, but only if I really wanted to go.

bucketsandaceofspades · 31/05/2016 22:01

That's a bit rubbish. That would annoy me ma-hoosively.
Won't the younger ones feel a bit upset? Kids are often the only good thing about weddings

dodobookends · 31/05/2016 22:02

FWIW I think that weddings are a family occasion and that the family should be there. How can you invite relatives and one dc but not other siblings? What are they supposed to do with the kids when it's a long way away (needing an overnight stop), and the rest of the family are all at the wedding too and can't step in and look after them overnight?

I'd tell them to stuff it.

Floggingmolly · 31/05/2016 22:02

Bolograph has it...

cozietoesie · 31/05/2016 22:06

'non-boxed gifts'? Does that just mean money?

ClashCityRocker · 31/05/2016 22:06

Cut off ages are odd if it splits siblings.

I've no problem with child free weddings (well, I wouldn't, as I don't have kids!) provided the bride and groom don't kick up a fuss when guests decline due to childcare.

but yeah, I think it's a bit shitty to invite one out of three siblings.

NicknameUsed · 31/05/2016 22:07

"Sounds like a gift grab invite to me."

I love this.

I would just decline politely. Don't give any excuses, just say you can't go. And don't send a gift, just send a card.

To invite half of a family unit is incredibly rude.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 31/05/2016 22:08

I so loathe these modern weddings with there entitled requests,
I'd decline their invitation .
People have become so estranged from reality.
Do they think they live in a parallel universe or what?

wheresthel1ght · 31/05/2016 22:08

Honestly I don't get this "some kids but not others" trend. Either invite all or none!

As to the added cost of entertaining them - I don't buy it. I did gift bags for all the kids at my wedding, all age appropriate so the babies had rattles, soft toy, bath books, those over 1 had colouring books, crayons, bubbles, pack of sweets and a couple party bag type toys. We had 12 kids at the wedding and I think it cost me about £20. My sister and her now husband loves them so much they asked me to do the same for their wedding. They had about 20 kids at theirs and I think I spent about £35

inlectorecumbit · 31/05/2016 22:09

Nope, no way. We would all go, none of the DC's go or no one go.

Bad form to leave out the two younger DC's

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 31/05/2016 22:09

I so loathe these modern weddings with there entitled requests,
I'd decline their invitation .
People have become so estranged from reality.
Do they think they live in a parallel universe or what?

WriteforFun1 · 31/05/2016 22:12

I don't object to a child free wedding but to avoid this type of thing, they need to say over 18s. Or over 25s! Surely most other ages are going to split families? Makes no sense.

If you don't want to go, don't go. That might sound an odd thing to say but so many people go to weddings when they don't really want to - I've done it too. But in this case you'll have to find childcare as well etc etc. If they didn't ring you in advance and talk this through then I'm thinking you don't know each other that well?

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