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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding invitation

70 replies

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:09

I have just received an invite to my cousins wedding. It isn't local and the invitation has been addressed to me dh and Dd1. My aunt has confirmed that Dd2 and Dd3 are not invited as they have an age cut off. Dd are 13 11 and 4.
Aibu to think this is odd. When I got married we invited all ages but maybe I am out of touch.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 23:17

Good to get different perspectives. Thank you

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 01/06/2016 00:06

'non-boxed gifts'? Does that just mean money?

Yes pretty much.

The words "No boxed gifts please" doesnt mean no gifts, it means gifts in the form of paper, preferably cash

scarlets · 01/06/2016 00:18

I guess the bride and groom have a 13+ policy because they don't want young kids getting restless and irritating, they want a more adult vibe, no censorship of best man speech etc. As a bride, I wouldn't go down that route but I suppose it's up to them what kind of thing they want.

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 00:20

Bogey who would have the bottle to say something like that?! If someone buys you something you should be fucking grateful, doesn't matter if it comes in a box or a fucking carrier bag. Argh fucking people!

(And by you I don't mean you bogey just the selfish weirdos who do this kind of stuff 😂)

crazywriter · 01/06/2016 08:26

I wouldn't do it personally but wouldn't Ave a problem of others did it. If I didn't want to split the family up for the wedding, I'd just decline.

A 13+ wedding makes sense. There's going to be an age cut off somewhere. If someone had a 15yo and 17yo and the age cut off was 16, then the family would be split up.

I don't get this whole being arsey over how some people choose to have their weddings. It's their choice. The only time they're u is if they get pissy because people with kids rsvp no. Otherwise they just want a wedding of their dreams and not anybody else's.

The only time I was questionable about an invite was when DH was invited to the whole day of a wedding and and me and DD just to the evening do. It was a 5 he drive away at least in a city I didn't know. DH said he would just do the evening do because he was a bit questionable about it too. In the end we didn't go but that's because we checked the dates and realised they clashed with our holiday 8 hours in the opposite direction! The bride and groom were understanding when we explained why we wouldn't be going (holiday not the splitting)

We did have that happen with us split at a wedding before. It was a 45 min drive from us and I found somewhere to take DD time lunch. The friend if DH had some people drop out 2 weeks before and extended the invite to the whole day to us and had been so apologetic that she couldn't fit us all in originally. It's her wedding and her budget though and it really didn't bother me.

DumbDailyMail · 01/06/2016 10:02

I think thirteen plus does make sense. Dont lots of restaurants (and therefore, probably wedding venues), count 12 and under as kids??

MyNewBearTotoro · 01/06/2016 10:18

I can sort of understand Not wanting toddlers/ young children and thus having a cut off but would think it weird to invite the 13-year-old but not the 11-year-old. Even if the age cut off was 12 I'd still think it wasn't 'fair' to invite one but not the other when they're close in age. Not inviting the 4-year-old seems a bit more reasonable.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/06/2016 10:43

Oh god i sooooooo want to get an invite with 'no boxed gifts' on it so that i can buy something take something out of it's box and send it

As for OP - i think it's rude to invite half a family. No kids on invite would have been better.

I find it odd to want certain age groups only. What about a 'no over 70's' rule, because you don't want old people sitting around on your big day?

HelloHola · 01/06/2016 11:24

This is ridiculous.

I know some people have child free weddings (which is their choice and I suppose if you don't have many close children in the family, it's understandable) but you can't invite half the kids in a family.

If it was me, I would decline the invitation unless you can bring your other children.

iLikeBoringThings · 01/06/2016 12:14

I seem to be in the minority, but I honestly don't see the problem with the invitation. It's their wedding, they can organise it however they want - just as you can turn down their invitation.

I also don't think it is necessary to take all 3 children or none at all. They are different ages and will be invited to many things their siblings are not. It's not unfair, it's just the way it is!

TheNaze73 · 01/06/2016 12:23

YABU, it's their wedding. If it offends you, don't go. It is weird but, they call the shots here. Vote with your feet

iLikeBoringThings · 01/06/2016 12:27

And regarding the unboxed gifts, I think this is an amazing idea! Think of all the packaging that just gets wasted. Reducing the amount of packaging we all use on a daily basis is an important issue.

I'm actually shocked more of you don't agree!

maz210 · 01/06/2016 12:35

iLikeBoringThings - the unboxed gifts are not meant to save the planet, the bride and groom mean they don't want the gift at all and would prefer cash.

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 01/06/2016 12:37

It doesn't really offend me and I suspect including the eldest was a recent concession.
It just seems odd.

OP posts:

iLikeBoringThings · 01/06/2016 12:46

Ha! Silly me

Alconleigh · 01/06/2016 13:00

It is a bit odd to split a family. I get not wanting children there from a numbers and atmosphere perspective though. I have no plans to wed but nearly all my friends have, and have proved rather fecund; 3 or 4 kids are the norm. All under 11. If they were all invited, there would be more children than adults. And I imagine lots of late wedders are the same. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want a wedding which resembles a children's birthday party....

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:12

ilike

junebirthdaygirl · 01/06/2016 15:22

I think its fine. Its an opportunity for your teen to feel all grown up. All children need special days to themselves. Can you leave others with grandparents or friends and let your teen be the centre of attention. Don't make big deal with the others. In our family like a lot of Irish ones there are too many kids so some go some don't. My absolute pet hate is people making a fuss.

maggiethemagpie · 01/06/2016 15:36

I had kids at my wedding and it didn't bump the price up much. Under 4s were free and over 4s (under 18) were only £8.50/head for the main meal.

There were quite a few kids so this was a consideration at my wedding.

However there may be other reasons the B/G don't want lots of kids eg teh noise factor.

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 01/06/2016 15:39

Sadly we don't have grandparents. If we did it would be a non issue as we would bring a grandparent with us and make a weekend of it. We may have a friend who could do it buts it's a big ask as she has her own children aswell.

OP posts:

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