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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding invitation

70 replies

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 21:09

I have just received an invite to my cousins wedding. It isn't local and the invitation has been addressed to me dh and Dd1. My aunt has confirmed that Dd2 and Dd3 are not invited as they have an age cut off. Dd are 13 11 and 4.
Aibu to think this is odd. When I got married we invited all ages but maybe I am out of touch.

OP posts:

Cherylene · 31/05/2016 22:12

'non-boxed gifts' euphemism for cheques? Or they prefer their china broken? I can see people taking that literally

WeAllHaveWings · 31/05/2016 22:13

Don't think this is a particularly new thing. I'm 4th of 5 siblings (and 40+ cousins) and as children my younger sister and I didn't go to a few weddings as there was an age cutoff. There were simply too many children to invite and no one took offence.

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting · 31/05/2016 22:14

It's their perogative to invite who they want and if they have an age cutoff that is fine.
You don't have to accept if you don't want to go. Your choice, no obligation.

idontlikealdi · 31/05/2016 22:15

Common in my family to invit the eldest sibling or the one closest in age to the cousin getting married otherwise there are just way too many guests. I have 42 first cousins on my mum's side...

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 31/05/2016 22:17

Forty two cousins!!!

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 31/05/2016 22:18

On one side!

idontlikealdi · 31/05/2016 22:18

Thankfully only two on the other side!

DumbDailyMail · 31/05/2016 22:21

I wouldn't do it but I think it's ok. They are doing a no kids wedding which isn't exactly unusual. It's just unfortunate that your DC straddle the cut off age. I imagine wherever the cut of is that some families would be effected.

I would be a bit disappointed but I wouldn't be put out about it. Go if you want to go and decline if you don't want to go. No agnst'ing or being offended needed.

228agreenend · 31/05/2016 22:24

My first thought on reading the post was how rude. You invite all the family, not half. I think I would feel a little insulted if my younger children can't go.

If you can't afford to igvite everyone, then have a smaller wedding, or choose cheaper options.

NicknameUsed · 31/05/2016 22:24

"and if they have an age cutoff that is fine."

No it isn't IMO. It is extremely rude to invite half the children in the family. You either invite all of them or none of them.

EweAreHere · 31/05/2016 22:24

It's their prerogative to have an age cut-off. Exceptions would cause hard-feelings in various camps, so it's best to be hardline about it as well if you're going to do it.

It's an invitation, not a command performance. You should accept or decline politely, without comment.

sharknad0 · 31/05/2016 22:44

I don't think it's rude or modern not to invite absolutely all the children. Sometimes it's one child per family, sometimes it's aged based. It's not necessarily about the cost, not everybody want 100 young children running everywhere. It's quite a recent thing to expect to drag your children everywhere!

The guests are free to accept or decline the invitation.

CodyKing · 31/05/2016 22:50

I don't think it's rude or modern not to invite absolutely all the children. Sometimes it's one child per family, sometimes it's aged based.

It's rude - they should ask that you pick your favourite

ample · 31/05/2016 22:55

I think it's one of those we're-inviting-you-but-rather-you-didn't-accept invitations. Of course they probably won't say no to a gift or cash!
There can be ridiculous amounts for fuss for guests attending weddings these days and it shouldn't be that way.
Hmm, I'm going to throw this out there... 'it's only a wedding'

Politely decline and send a card nearer the date.
I would not be sending a gift, boxed or other any other kind

Brummiegirl15 · 31/05/2016 23:04

Wow bit harsh

I also confess I don't want a load of young children running around my wedding. If that makes me entitled then I'm sorry

However if that means people have to decline then I do completely understand. I appreciate that my wedding is centre of my universe and not everybody else's.

As it was, I had to decline a wedding invite as my 10 week old baby wasn't allowed so not even babes in arms. I was told by the bride it was down to numbers.

It clearly wasn't as a 10 week old baby doesn't affect your numbers - she just didn't want children there. Which is absolutely no problem at all. It's their day and their prerogative and there is nothing wrong with wanting a child free wedding.

As long as the B&G understand if people can't make it

I however would never split siblings

PurpleDaisies · 31/05/2016 23:07

I'm getting married this year and I've stipulated wedding party related children only - simply because I'm one of the last of my friends to have children and if I invite all my friends kids then my numbers would increase by a lot!
That's not the same situation at all. It's the inviting of some children in the same family and not others that most people are finding objectionable.

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 23:07

Yabu

It's not odd it's a child free wedding

Choice of B&G

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 23:08

Is my 13 year old not a child?

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 23:10

If they had wanted to invite your 13 yo then the name would have been on invite.

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 23:11

Her name is on the invite. The younger 2 are the ones not welcome.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 31/05/2016 23:12

It was scoop

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 23:12

Ah I see

They don't want younger DC there only teens upwards.

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 23:13

Sorry didn't read properly

MrsRyanGosling15 · 31/05/2016 23:14

I don't think it's strange at all. I come from a massive family, all very close. We currently have about 23 under 12s. The last family wedding she just invited from the teenagers up as he had a lot of young children on his side to. No one had an issue at all, it's happened good few times actually.

Original poster

Yorkshiregrey77 · 31/05/2016 23:14

It's OK. It's late

OP posts:

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