AIBU to think this Supermarket is judging my parenting?

[Doingmybestmum]

AIBU? Standing in a queue in Tesco with (home from uni) DD chatting to me. I was clutching a much anticipated bottle of Pimms, with accompanying lemonade, strawberries, mint etc... goodies going through when charmless checkoutee asks for age of said 21 year old DD and ID for her or she would not be able to sell me the Pimms. I calmly explained that I (substantially over 21) am buying said alcoholic beverage with my money and a) DD is only standing next to me b) its my money c) DD is over 21 and d) what on earth... the manager was called and I was allowed to purchase. AIBU to think that this is ridiculous - I understand that adults must not buy alcohol for underage children, but if you were - would it be Pimms, and would you have the "child" standing next to you?

I don't buy alcohol in Asda anymore due to this kind of thing because it's utter overkill. I don't blame the cashier in anyway as they are just following the rules set upon them or face big consequences. I blame the idiots who make up these rules for their staff to follow.

I'm in my 30s and whilst it's nice for people to think I may be younger than I am, it's not very pleasant when buying wine with the newish man in your life who is a few years older and you get asked for ID in a way like you're a 16 year old wanting to drink it in the local park which was a tad embarrassing!

After that time Asda lost my business. I now mainly buy alcohol from a lovely local off licence who is very friendly, helpful and will often recommend products he think I might enjoy as he knows his business and what he's on about.

I have always thought the challenge 25 was overkill. Challenge 21 was fine. Underage people will always find a way to buy alcohol one way or another by asking someone outside to get it or sending an older friend to get it. When I was 16 the boys we knew were 18 so they used to get it for us.

Have supermarkets not grasped the fact teens are attracted to the cheap vast quantity of booze you can buy from their stores nowadays? Purhaps instead of asking every mum with her pimms to great granny for their ID, they could be more responsible by not selling it so cheap and and on such a high quantity?

You rarely hear of underage drinkers getting booze from stores like Waitrose? Could that be because they don't stack em high and sell them cheap? The part in that store looks more like an off licence in the corner and whilst there are offers on, it's nothing like it is in say Tesco or Asda!

Perhaps clear signage in shops explaining that if the cashier suspects that an adult intends to purchase alcohol for someone accompanying them who appears to be under "insert age (18/21/47?!)" then they will be prevented from buying alcohol (or any other age restricted items?). That way our young looking 20 somethings get out of helping to load the shopping and teens wander off on their own - far safer (?!)

I thought the police/Trading Standards weren't allowed to send in genuine underage people. I was told by work .they just sent people who looked underage, otherwise it's entrapment and encouraging people to break the law where they otherwise might not.

I don't agree it's the case of 'it's the rules innit'. Supermarkets are genuinely terrified of getting caught out. The repercussions are huge which is why they are stricter than the law with their think 25;policy

Lurking this is the most recent study - the link on HSIC website has been removed. There are plenty of other studies that support this conclusion. You can't 'inoculate' children against becoming problem drinkers by giving them small and sensible amounts of alcohol at home. It more likely has the opposite effect.

I work for Tesco and we have been trained to ask for ID (it's the law if they look under 25) and we have to ask for ID if it looks like a potential proxy sale.

The cashier probably thought she was younger and believed you to be buying the alcohol for someone underage, ie a proxy sale.

YABU.

Under 25 isn't the law, it's 18. Supermarkets use under 25 so we're not caught out

There are plenty of other studies that support this conclusion. You can't 'inoculate' children against becoming problem drinkers by giving them small and sensible amounts of alcohol at home. It more likely has the opposite effect.

Tx for that - seems at odds with anecdotal evidence ... However I notice they talk about teenagers. My family are decidedly not English, and we had wine from a very early age (and beer). Well before we were teenagers. Something totally in line with parenting in the motherland ....

I remember my brothers and I being genuinely baffled as to why our contemporaries made such a big deal about drinking as teens. We also got a lot of when we were given beer or wine by our parents to take to parties. No dodgy off-licences for us ...

Where is it you are from, Lurking?

I think the problem with this country is the whole drinking culture. I don't think we can easily resolve that at home with a sensible introduction to alcohol because, when they grow up, they'll be exposed to the mass binge drinking culturew anyway.

There's a lot that government tries to do. Make drink more expensive, change licencing laws but I don't think this has helped either.

I think a cafe style culture would be good but pubs will still be the mainstay of Britain. We won't change it overnight and, if anything, it's got worse as young people seem to have more money

Exactly Lurking, you can't divorce alcohol consumption from the wider context. Other countries may well allow their children a taste of wine with dinner but other countries have a completely different drinking culture - eg alcohol is only consumed with food, drink is not as easy to get hold of as there aren't as many licensed retailers, cafe culture vs pub culture, higher involvement in sports etc. I'm thinking especially of Italy but also France and Germany. Cherry picking one thing from those cultures and expecting it to deliver the same outcome is misguided.

Teenagers do drink a lot less than they used to (and certainly than my 'ladette' generation) but it's social media that's driving that - you don't need to leave the house to have entertainment / a social life but also teens today are afraid of being drunk shamed. You can't get twatted and style it out the next day if it's all over Instagram.

X posted with Gandalf who said it better than me.

The cashier probably thought she was younger and believed you to be buying the alcohol for someone underage, ie a proxy sale

So what would make a cashier suspect an adult was buying alcohol for someone else? Not just because they had their teenage child with them surely?

I had one blatantly handing over notes to her older friend. I did Id her and she stormed out of the shop with her bemused friend saying 'can't I buy it?'

I think the drinking culture in the UK (and other northern European countries) is ingrained and not necessarily related to cost.

Maybe it is related to crap weather and dark winters? Alcohol is much cheaper in Spain (and probably Portugal, Greece etc) and they have fewer problems with underage and excessive drinking than countries where it costs more like the UK. Sweden and Norway have even worse problems than us and alcohol is much more expensive there. I think that leads people to brew their own more.

Very true, Barbara

I'm aloud to only sell 2 boxes of paracetamol. You get people trying to buy half a dozen and I say I'm sorry I'm only aloud to sell 2. Then I get " oh well I will get my friend to buy some" or " I will just walk round and get some more in a minute then" or " I can get as many as I want from the doctor" I may be seen as a jobsworth by them but I'm just following the law

I thought it was the other way round - Portugal has a big drinking culture, Scandinavia not so much

Minimum pricing for alcohol has a lot of evidence to support it.

the challenge under 25 law, also means you can be challenged if it looks likely that you may be buying said item , be it alcohol, tobacco or computer games for someone under the legal age , so she was correct to ask you, as it isn't just the store that can be prosecuted, but also the person making the sale.

So what would make a cashier suspect an adult was buying alcohol for someone else? Not just because they had their teenage child with them surely?

look you all have a million reasons. I'm disabled I can't carry the bags, do kids drink guiness, it's ok.hes not drinking, my brother has I'D look, my dad's a police officer call him,

we have heard them.all a million times, it's the alcohol equivalent of turning up to a&e claiming you tripped and fell on the cucumber wedged up your arse, as far as staff are concerned.

it doesn't matter.

all.we have to remember is - this could be a police plant or a mystery shopper.

and no, sorry, but we will not risk our jobs on a complete strangers word.

But can't you see that no one is having a go at people at the till but have a massive issue with the law and the way it's actually written as well as the way the checks are done?
A law that is better worded would solve the problem. Both for the consumers and for the staff.

It's not normal that a 15yo can't help packing the shopping. It's not normal that because you have a teenager with you, you aren't allowed to buy alcohol. It's not normal that a disabled person can't get help.
It's not normal because nowhere in the law, we there in spirit or in reality, any of these has been deemed unacceptable and unlawful.
What isn't normal is a law that is no imprecise and unpractical that it leads to abuse and unfairness in treatment.

No you can't at our place

Trading standards can't use U18's. The Police can, and do.

Where is it you are from, Lurking?

London . But my DF isn't, which is all I'll say.