To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

Yeah, he's said he might be 'prepared' to do it, but then there's a load of stuff he wants them to do to keep it.

That's not the action of a man planning a change.

Maybebabybee

More's the pity.

Just when the thread was going so well, someone had to arrive with a little bitterness.

I think the charitable status will remain. As getahaircut said, removing it will be nigh-on impossible. I think the notion the public "just won't stand for it" is laughable at best. Think it's something that would make it anywhere near a manifesto esp. the majority of the government are old boys or girls of one public school or another* and the voting public don't really care?

*top jobs often held by people with a private education - a reason to pay for it.

I was opposed to private education but it wasn't my call - this was my DIL's choice for DGD when she was 11. I have to say that she has thrived and is very happy there - it's a small all girls school - around 400 girls. There are no behaviour problems - no-one trying to disrupt lessons - 12 in the class. There are lots of opportunities, their own swimming pool, tennis courts, hockey pitches etc. They have their own theatre and DGD loves drama. I think she's had the best education possible even though sacrifices have had to be made. Costs are around £12,000 pa.

Just when the thread was going so well, someone had to arrive with a little bitterness

Oh yes, I knew I'd get called bitter!

I happen to think that it's not fair that some children get a more privileged education than others simply because (in most cases) their parents earn more money. I don't know what the alternative solution is, I don't have the answers to the problem, just so my cards are on the table - but I don't agree with it and I won't be sending my DC on that basis.

If that opinion makes me bitter then yes, I am bitter.

45 minutes drive is ludicrous. It would also worry me that it's an hour and a half for her in the car - not the easiest place to do prep in and your DH will have to prepare food for her to snack on on the way home. When she's older, staying on for sports/music lessons/rehearsals will make it even later. She'll also be well outside the area most other pupils live so the inevitable birthday parties/events will be a hike. My DD's prep school was walkable but senior school 25 minutes away. Like Greengreen, my daughter did (5-7) go to excellent village primary and has never been an entitled child as some private school kids can be. Only a music scholarship allowed us to afford it - and me gritting my teeth and applying for welfare money for school trips. Just don't start in private and then move DC out. Better start in the local system (possibly moving house) and move in if you really think it's worth it. You are thinking of spending 100K of taxed income on her education, minimum (based on 8-18 current prices). That could pay for a move, a lot of extracurricular stuff, educational holidays - and her uni fees. Wish you luck with your decision. FYI I wish I'd kept my daughter in (good) local state school despite its problems with the odd feral group.

I'm a little the same Op as in if we had 2dc it would be out of the equation.

For us it seems to have been a great choice.

We remember our (doctor) father driving us to scvhool though very fondly. We read out loud the Times leader columns to him and discussed all sorts. Long car journeys (ours were not as long as this) are not necessarily a bad thing.

My doctor sibling is able to fund two at private school by the way (not in London) on one salary with spouse taking the slack and doing the childcare. It is possible so I suspect with one salary only it will be possible too.
If the marriage isn't rock solid do bear in mind the point many fathers have to - that if you have a non working spouse who does most of the childcare and the marriage ends then the courts tend to favour the status quo - stay at home parent gets house and child. So it might be wise if the husband could keep his hand in at some work at least as a protective measure in case things go wrong later.

OP, I can't help wondering whether your positive experience of your old school is over-influencing your thinking about your DD's education. You had a wonderful time there, and that's great, but there will be other good schools too. Before you commit one way or the other, might it be worth going to look at some other options, state and private, including those that are nearer to you? As pp have said, a 45-minute drive is a long commute for a young child, and means she's unlikely to have local friends. If you're convinced that your old school is the right one for your DD, then I can't see why you shouldn't be able to afford it so long as you're prepared to live frugally while she's at school - and start saving towards it now, as pp have said. I was in a very different position to you, and brought up two DDs on an annual income that would be worth about 15k in today's money - which is a lot less than you'll have left over even after paying school fees!

that someone on here is referring to children as 'feral'

"Just when the thread was going so well, someone had to arrive with a little bitterness."

Yes - it's so wrong to feel bitter or angry about massive structural inequalities in our educational system when your children are being disadvantaged by it through no fault of your or their own.

You say there is a nice village school three miles away with classes of 15 but you aren't sure if you will get a place? Can I suggest you investigate this all a bit more? You say you are on maternity leave so I'm guessing there is a bit of time before you have to decide. You might well want another child at some point and it would be sad to have to chose against that because of school fees.

Check all the best local schools and then make sure you live close enough to get a place. I don't think your income is really high enough to do private education comfortably. You can buy a lot of add ones for a lot less money.

Just for context we did a mixture and the state schools were just as nice as the independent one.

Yy minifingerz

"Bitter" is always the stock response if someone is anti private education. That and "chip on the shoulder".

Op asked a really legitimate question regarding affordability, not as to ascertain anyone's moral standing on her choices.

Always the same.

I think you should give yourself some time.
When we had DS1 initially we thought we should provide him with every opportunity we possibly could and we presumed that meant a private education (as we'd both had). We had the income for cover it.

But he he grew older and DS2 arrived we realised that private wasn't the best for us. The fabulous Prep school had compulsory boarding at 11 and most of their classmates were destined for full boarding and we began to look at local primaries are were blown away by several. They both went to one and then we moved into the catchment of a great Comp. We had the funds for all the trips, extracurricular stuff, skiing holidays and a GSCE maths tutor as needed.
Both are now at RG Unis, as are many of their schoolmates.
Keep an open mind about State, it's done us proud.

I will certainly be doing some more research and keeping our options open. I'm glad that there are people who have managed to afford the fees with similar or lower incomes, at least it means it is still potentially an option for us

The issue of another child is probably the biggest influencing factor really - we probably won't know for a while if we will stick with one or not. Neither of us are young, so that may influence our decision too (as well as the complication issue)

I went to a day school a 45 min drive (by school bus) from my home. My mum drove me for the first couple of years but I went on the bus from 7-16. Don't remember the travel ever being a problem, and I still managed to fit in music/tennis/brownies-guides after school 3 times a week.
BUT none of my friends lived within a 15 mins drive of my house (except a few local friends I made outside school).
So whilst the experience wouldn't totally put me off sending my DC far away to day school, I do think the social side suffers.

My dh and I have 5 children between us, all went private with one at boarding school costing 35k per year. Four of them not academic/didn't want to work, so complete waste of money. The one at boarding school works hard.

I strongly feel there are things which are equally important to smaller class sizes/after school activities, such as self motivation and academic parents to support homework. If i had my time again with a decent state school nearby, I'd go for it.

HH, that's a very narrow view of education, that's it's all about academics. There are all sorts of good things in private schools and it's not just how many As children get.

How sad, to feel that your child somehow owes you something because you paid for their education.

user what are these 'all sorts of good things in private schools' that you are referring to? I can also can make a big list of 'all sorts of good things' in my DC's state school. Would you like me to make a list? I will if you want but I wanted to ask first. You have been quite strong in your opinions eg 'you will regret not spending fees' or 'it's totally worth it sending your children to private school' but you haven't told us why, in your opinion. As I said, happy to make the list of the big positives in my DS's excellent school. What are the positives you see in yours? (I'm sure you see certain things as positive; I'm interested in seeing what they are). By the way I would never state about my DS's schoolor any school for that matterthat people would 'totally regret it' if they didn't send their own children to that school. But anyway, as I said, interested to see what you see as such big positives in your particular school.

"When they are in secondary school I am hoping they go to grammar school which is where most of the kids from their school go."

And nobody sees anything wrong with this?

She asked for views and I gave them. She and I went to fee paying schools and on the whole people educated in that system prefer to stay in it as we can see what benefits it gave to us.

I am not saying the 92% of parents in the state system don't have good things to say about their state schools. They are happy with what they have and I am happy with what I have. My youngest children will be leaving school soon so I'm at the end of this although the education of my grandchild will be the next thing (although of course not my decision - I won't interfer at all).

Do people really want to know why some of us like our private or state schools? It's certainly not just good exam results. It's vast range of things. From choirs (3 of mine won music scholarships and excellent choral music at primary level matters a lot in this family) to facilities - on the whole you are probably more likely to get a lake and fields in the private sector, evenings with a good parents' choir singing Handel and sipping champagne, other parents who are in a profession like you are, perhaps teachers who went to RG universities who share your ethical, moral and political values and perhaps have your accent, a bit better than some state schools at teaching grit, staying power, how to fail and pick yourself up, probably a bit more outdoor survival stuff which is also important to this family although yes of course I know plenty of state schools do D of E, have fields, get children into Oxbridge.

I also prefer single sex education from age 4 whch is easier to find in the private sector and academcally selective education from age 4.

not everyone shares those views and there are plenty of private schools which are not selective and are mixed. There are lots of different factors which matter to different people. It is good in the UK we have the variety. from home schooling to Eton, from our local hindu primary school to private muslim schools, from Steiners to Montessori, latin and Cantonses for 6 year olds to specialist music schools , from state and private boarding to day schools.

A lot of people are anti-private school, the most common reason I've heard is (their child may start taking cocaine at a young age) which is pathetic - I think deep down they'd love their child to go to a private school but just can't afford it.

I didn't go to a private school myself neither did any of my siblings, I always knew that I would be sending my children private.

There are some very good state schools around, but they are hard to get into.

My two children are very happy at their school they enjoy it very much and have very good friendships, I'm really happy that I invested my money in them by sending them to a private school, I know they wouldn't be happy or be doing as well as they are doing if I sent them to a state school.

Is that £60,000 combined? I think only you will know if it's doable. Our son was at a private school from junior nursery to secondary 6 from 1993 until 2011 The fees were lower than what you are quoting but that was a while ago. Our joint income in 1993 was well above £60,000.

A 45 minute commute sounds very long. My son's was about 10 minutes if he got a lift , a bit longer on the bus although he had classmates who would have longer commutes than that, don't know if as long as that.

Happiestmumalive: I think deep down they'd love their child to go to a private school but just can't afford it. (you said).

What a comment.