To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

I really would love to know what these great influencing factors are Harry, tell you what I will sit on my arse and the fair society fairy will knock at the door with a bag of cash for next terms school fees!

santini, I read your post with interest as your experience of schools in East Anglia is very similar to my experience of schools in a neighbouring county. Unfortunately we werent in a position to have a choice but I can understand why given that you were in a good position that you made the choice you did.

Resilience is certainly a good expression. We too have seen the early teens pregnancies amongst DCs cohort. Thankfully our DCs didnt feel the need to join in!

Bert it's not a "dig." It's giving you what you have been begging for. You want parents to admit that they just don't fancy their local comp, rather than pleading knife crime. Well, there is no knife crime at my local comp, just a so-so, slip shod, half-assed education. Happy?

I buy my jeans at M&S because I cannot tell the difference between them and designer; I buy my running shoes on line whatever style and brand is cheapest because, again, I am not a connoisseur; I buy a lot of fruit at Lidl because it seems just as good as Waitrose; I dye my hair at home because I cannot tell the difference; etc. Basically, I am a philistine when it comes to most things. Education is one of the few areas where I actually think there is a true difference, and more than just "good enough" matters to me. So, I am willing to pay disproportionately for it.

I realise that this is not fair. Life isn't. It's not fair that some kids get the chance to learn an instrument, go skiing, be brought up in a bilingual household, be encouraged to do a sport, etc. I cannot control what everyone else does or even how the public budget is sliced and diced. I can raise my own children and allocate our family's resources in accordance with my husband's and my values. I do not need to plead knife crime as an excuse because, frankly, I don't need an excuse.

Without veering too far off course here, DC in this country would have a better bite at the apple, if the "that's not fair! brigade" didn't get their way on closing down the majority grammar schools.

A fair society dictates everyone had an equal chance, not that everyone gets handouts.

But do trust me that there is little correlation between those who work hard and those who send their children to private school. Or don't it doesn't really matter!

I don't think the point is how hard people worked to get the money. I think most intelligent people understand that the world is not completely fair and that some jobs are easier and more rewarding than others.

The point is that spending money on education is not an immoral thing to do. Education is an inherently good thing. These schools that make everyone so jealous don't simply confer naked advantage with no virtue what so ever. They would not have the reputations that they do, nor the alumni the successes that they have if there wasn't some sort of worthwhile learning going on. Learning that actually does require sustained effort and engagement from the DC.

If you want to go on to say that it is not fair that every child doesn't have the chance to make that same effort. I would agree with you completely. Again, dismantling the grammar system, despite it's imperfections was a mistake imho.

Spot on 80kgirl, Harry I am still waiting on those greater influencing factors than hard work and money enabling me to pay school fees. I am genuinely curious as what they are!

Santini

I believe I know the school you mean perhaps LMS/ LHS in Suffolk?
If so it has always been the same, we moved 15 years ago and it was terrible then. My dc would have attended as nearest schools for miles.

Unfortunately, we moved to a similar area ito schools.

I'm always intrigued by what people like Harry think they mean by fairness. My ds goes to private school, as did i. Unlike me, he also has asd. He's very able in some areas but social deficits mean he is very unlikely to get anyone to give him a job. He will, I imagine, die poor, once he has got through whatever I have been able to leave him. For him, getting through the day in the NT work involves efforts the rest of us can have no conception of; so if he lacks for anything it's not for want of trying. Is the outcome he is likely to experience"fair"? If not, what should be done to change it? Should those children who through pure luck do not have his problems be held back, discriminated against to enable him to advance? Does he deserve all he gets for having poncey parents who send him private? What's fair for him, Harry, since you seem to set up as the guru of fairness?
I should add that I have probably spent £300k plus trying to help him manage his problems. Is that unfair too?

Bella Good for you, jolly well done. I would have thought smile geography plays a part. A young family in Surrey/south London is going to struggle to pay a somewhat larger mortgage than one in Liverpool/ similar therefore leaving less 'disposable' income surely?

simple geography

Do people in rl get so worked up about what schools other people choose, whether private or state.
When I was growing up you just knew that all these other type of schools existed, some maybe in the next town etc.
Private schools were for the very rich and grammar for the clever, if they existed in the area.
Public Schools were for those who wanted to be Politicians.
We went around singing about another brick in The Wall, missing an education and lining the pockets of the Public School educated band who told ud "We didn't need an education" Oh, the irony.

I went to private school for various reasons including parents being overseas a lot. I am not sure it gave me any advantage at all over a halfway decent state school. Until I was about 12 I outperformed my classmates in exams by some way, even though I was much much younger. That wasn't because I was a genius but because it was a grammar school area and lots of kids went to my school because they couldnt get into a decent grammar. When I got to uni I did well but I really had to pull out the stops to compete against the bright students from the state schools.

Bella, I won't go there. Ive had too many of these discussions with Tories, of which there is no doubt you are one. We never agree. They always believe it's the hard work which has got them to where they are. I can never puruaade them otherwise

Given that, I realise that I'm not going to change your view, so won't bother trying!

I don't think so NewLife4Me in rl we are not anonymous and are therefore accountable for the things we say. Also we tend to know much more about one another which has a militating effect on what we choose to say.

Carlos, I've explained what I mean by fairness more than once in this thread. Perhaps find my posts and read them.

Unless money wasn't an issue (as in we didn't even need to consider cost in the way you are) we'd never send our children to private school.

Can you imagine losing a job? Needing to pull the child out? Having another child? (One woman I know sent one to private school and other to the local comp...)

Although just to add - of money wasn't an issue we definitely would.

If

So Harry if I had chosen not to work hard, still living on the shitty estate I grew up on, greater influences would have afforded me my lifestyle and my children would still be at private school?

Bella, I know nothing about you or your circumstances. I am talking in general and there will be obvious exceptions. Of which yours may well be one.

How is taking advantage of your ability to home school any different morally to taking advantage of your opportunity to use the private system?

As far as I can see they both stem from the same thing, parents doing what they believe is best for their dc, despite knowing not every child gets the same choice.

One question, bella.

Do you corelate shitty estates with people not working hard? Your post would seem to suggest that.

I answered that a few pages back, Lurked.

But, too add to that, I don't have an issue with people choosing to play the system. My issue is with the system itself.

Lurked

Totally agree, when we were H. edding dd the amount of people who said they wish they were able to do it, but either couldn't afford tutors, childminders or for a parent to give up work.

Now we get it with her school
People are generally nice about it though never any nastiness, in fact the opposite. They do tell her what a wonderful opportunity she has and to make sure she takes full advantage of it.

But do trust me that there is little correlation between those who work hard and those who send their children to private school.

And you know this , how?