To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

HarryElephante would you ban home schooling?

No.

That's simplistic harry. They'd just be dominating the best state schools instead, the only difference is their schools wouldn't have had the trimmings. The outcome for society would be no different, it would be the same privileged few in power.

Would all of you protesting about private schools really and honestly not send your children to one if you could afford it?

And if so, presumably you'd also continue to use the NHS even if you could afford to be treated privately?

Really??!

I can afford to send my children to private school but we choose to home educate them for now.

This is not about envy for me. It's about equality.

Not really simplistic, no. I understand what you are saying; Darwinism and all that, and to an extent that would be the case. But the top jobs, the government, the sports teams etc wouldn't all be disproportionately dominated by the privately educated elite. Just the savvier, smarter ones. Money doesn't come into the equation. Just ability.

Let's start with a notion of egalitarianism and go from there.

Yes Harry
But if H.ed hadn't worked/ stopped working and your alternative were failing schools in all directions, what would you do then?
Would you consider private or just suck up the bad schools.

I ask because I have also H.ed but only for 3 years, then dd went private, but specialist so a bit different than normal private, but still private iyswim.

I have also had dc in failing state schools too, as can't afford private.
I have no axe to grind and just did the best with the hand we were dealt.

I honestly don't know, NewLife. I'm pretty whimsical but my distaste for the system only seems to be getting stronger.

The privately educated people I know all have belief in common. And that's really enviable. But I'm never sure where it actually stems from. Belief that they can't fail? Or belief that if the do, they have a safe fall back.

I'd pay for that belief if it was the former, maybe.

"Would all of you protesting about private schools really and honestly not send your children to one if you could afford it?"
I could and I wouldn't. But that's hardly the point.

Yes of course it is absolutely possible to afford private school and not choose it. Why? Do you buy / choose everything in life that you can afford?

If I had failing schools all around me, that I knew were failing by researching carefully / visiting / talking to parents (and not just based on ofsted) I would consider all options including private. But it absolutely wouldn't be my preference and anyway my definition of a 'failing' school might be very different from what some parents on this thread see as failing.

Harrowgreen: why would we NOT use the NHS and state schools if they are perfectly good enough? It depends what someone sees as good enough. My standards in life are not to have the 'best' in anything. The only areas where I have very very high standards are: in terms of kindness, tolerance, curiosity and an open mind, acceptance and respect of others, areas in which I do make demands of my son. But I don't demand the BEST education or BEST healthcare. Why should I? They are not necessary at all and I can use my money for other things.

Not Darwenism harry. Simply that they'd still remain the elite for the same reason they are now, money and privilege, with no way of ability from other backgrounds standing a chance. Able but unprivileged dc have more chance of a full bursary to private than they do of a place at one of the top state schools, especially if they were further competed after because private was abolished.

And don't forget, home schooling is also a privilege open only to a minority. You need a parent that can give up paid work and the skills, which means for many it's not an option. But that doesn't mean nobody should be allowed to even it up.

Thing is- most of us don't have failing schools all around us....

Unless "comprehensive" and "failing" are synonyms.

Couldn't agree more with you Bertrandrussell and with all that you say :) It is the sense of exceptionality and entitlement and the attitude of 'my child needs to have THE best' with which I have a problem. I went to private schools all though my childhood. They were perfectly nice schools, with good facilities, green spaces blah blah blah. BUT the attitude of 'we are special / this school is special / better / much better than state schools / children that go to state schools are simply not as exceptional as us' just permeated the whole atmosphere. It's something that is not spoken but is THERE as much as the air you breathe. I can smell it from a kilometre away and run away when I feel it. As I said it's not the schools themselves that were the problem, but this attitude that I detested as a child and as an adult understood and named what it was.

Canada has very very few private schools. The playing field isn't equal. Sadly a young persons start in life begins with maternal nutrition, language used in the home and outlook on life.
Even if private education was abolished people with more money have more resilience to misfortune.
Wealthier families can easily tolerate a student doing part time studies and taking 8 years to finish a degree or retrain after a degree to take a different career path.

Having said that, and to be fair to parents who send their DC to private schools: there were perfectly down to earth, lovely people at my school and it's a parent's job to protect and educate their DC about the notions of exceptionality and entitlement. Many did do so and as I said there were many amazing people at my school who I'm still friends with. However, it is hard to escape that atmosphere and I wouldn't want to subject my DS to something like that. I want him to see himself as ordinary, a member of society like others, not better. Happy, yes. Educated, yes. Kind, yes. But not 'the best'.

By the way, for those who say this is a bun fight: it's not. It's a valid dialogue.

By the way: what on earth is the problem with ordinary? I would really like your thoughts on that. Being ordinarybalanced / intelligent / perhaps successfulbut ordinary is in my book an excellent thing. What's the problem with it?

We don't think we're better. I have not found that ethos in my children's private schools. We know there are lots of good state grammar schools and clever children in comprehensives and we all work with all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds.

However this comment is interesting above "The privately educated people I know all have belief in common. And that's really enviable. But I'm never sure where it actually stems from. Belief that they can't fail? Or belief that if the do, they have a safe fall back." I have that belief - it's not that I can't fail. I have failed, often. Most people who are successful have a succession of failures behind them including illness, divorces, debts - we are not protected from that stuff just because of having been to a private school .Yet despite all that I know I can survive anything and it's nothing to do with having resources to fall back on (my parents are dead etc). It is knowing I need virtually nothing to be fine - it's an intrinsic survival instinct. I had not really considered it was a private school thing though until I saw those words on the thread and I still don't think'it is only a view point private school educated people have. It's just internal resilence and self belief.

The resilience is not about money. It almost goes to the heart of the thread - those of us lucky enough to have been born in families which believe hard work is the key thing rather than families who think we will never get anywhere as everythnig is down to work so don't bother trying because you'll fail, do better.

You've misinterpreted what I said if you think I thought you were protected from illness having been to private school!

That last para makes me wince, user! That old 'hard work' chestnut.

User: "We know there are lots of good state grammar schools and clever children in comprehensives"

Exactly the attitude I meant. I do believe most private school educated people can't spot how entitled this comment above that you just mention in passing is. Sorry. I don't mean to offend. I really don't. But the idea of categorising people and schools in such a way is extremely problematic to me. You just implied (meaning well, I do believe that) that private schools / good grammar schools / "clever" children in comprehensives are all in one category which you see as 'the best'. You however do not see these aforementioned categories as equal, REALLY equal, to ordinary children in ordinary schools. You really don't. It is implied in yours words. It's just there, obvious between the lines.

That attitude is what I have a problem with. As I said, it's obvious to me from a mile away and I've sadly met very few people from private school that don't share it. They do exist though but they are few as the system instills this in you.

I will not comment further on the 'hard work' rubbish. I think others have argued that point. Many MANY people work very very hard. You do know that right?

Very hypocritical to home educate and disagree with private education. Depending on the opportunity cost of the parent(s) not working home ed can be as expensive!