To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

Ive read through all the different points people have made and ultimately, as parents our main aim to to provide the very best for our children, I don't mean material things but what is best for them now and in the future. We did not consider private ed for our 2 boys, eldest has 2 sessions with a private tutor per week (£200) per month and our slightly younger son excels in every aspect of his life. We did sell up and move to be closer to the state schools we wanted our boys to go to, they were both in small (compared to average) class sizes and feel like this was the right decision. We are just a working class (how we see ourselves) family with a large family home. I class ourselves as truely privileged regardless of what our bank balance is.

Bella70 - like you I went from a failing local comp (they shut it 2 years later) to Oxford. That doesn't mean anyone can - I had the benefit of wonderfully supportive parents who valued education plus probably some sheer dumb luck on interview day.

There were very few from similar backgrounds at my college but a huge number of privately educated children (and Grammar school kids too). It was immediately apparent to me how much broader and deeper their knowledge was than mine plus they were miles ahead in all of the 'soft skills': confidence, public speaking etc...

Yes, you can do it from any background but it is so much easier with the benefit of decent schooling.

Not so much grumpy as on the money, eeyorespal.

Your experience is certainly the same as mine, anyway. Maybe that doesn't make us right, mind. Although, we probably are. Sort of. In a way.

Apologies, have gone away and thought about this. When my DH went to Cambridge there were few from our background but when I went to Oxford it was a more level playing field and there was quite a mix but I will say that my background was amongst the poorest.

My parents at the time did nothing to encourage me at all and although they were proud they did not show it until after I graduated. I had part time jobs from 12 years old. Maybe social mobility was easier back in the 1980's.

Stepping away now, good luck OP.

Also parents want different things. I linked to the private muslim girls' school abve and we have hindu and jewish schools too locally never mind Steiner, Montessori, boarding, comprehensive and all the rest.

So parents make a choice. I think this privately educated doctor who only has one child and probably quite likes the idea her child will go to her old school will be happier with that choice. Yes she has said she knows nurses at work who use state schools but on balance for her psychologically and the family the private school is probably the better choice. She will develop her career, not go part time, probably take on extra responsibilities as the husband is unable to work or not work much at present and be easily able to fund one school place from a doctor's salary, perhaps do some private work like my doctor sibling and all the other extra things many people can do as doctors to increase income.

For people saying Oxbridge may be less socially mixed these days it's the opposite. There are more children from non fee paying schools than ever.

Anyway I'd better get back to earning more a crust to pay my two's school fees.

Interesting topic and thank you to everyone in all camps for a very good debate.

Our joint income is less than £50,000 and we managed to send 1 child to a private school. We were lucky to have distant grandparents promising to contribute £1,000 per term which gave us a safety net and allowed to us pay for extras like music lessons that we could not have afforded.

We did it mainly by compromising on outgoings - all uniforms were hand me downs from second hand sale - great thing about nice uniforms is they are built to last several years and there is no danger of them wanting a different brand / style as they all have to have them. Am sure we saved a fortune on the uniform versus state school over all! I vastly cutting down on mine and husband's clothing budget e.g. i had one nice coat i wore at drop off every day for 7 years with different scarves. No sky, no cinema etc.

The rest of her year were from mixed backgrounds, I am sure the majority far more financially secure than us but we were never made to feel embarrassed of our beaten up car in the car park! Our child went to another local private school for the first year and found it much "flashier" and we didn't fit in at all.

We saw our child's education as the best head start we could give her and the teachers felt like the family neither of us had to offer our child. Neither of us had been to private school's and we faced a lot of stick from family and friends. Some people stopped speaking to us and school became almost a taboo topic.

But I would do it all again without a second thought for our child is happy beyond measure.

So many of the contributions on here highlight the fact that the people who can afford private education have NO IDEA what life is like – in ANY sense - for the other 94%+ . Some argue that abolishing paid-for education would at the very least ensure that the elites who run our society have some insight into the lives of those they govern – reading some of the deluded nonsense on this thread I’m almost convinced that’s a good enough argument in itself.

Why does going to the sort of school 93% of the population goes to "seem scary" or need the advice "don't panic"?

I could be wrong, but I thought the above comments were not about state schools in general, but about the OP's local state school which is apparently not very good.

Actually Shrew, I grew up very poor. My dcs go private.

It's a struggle. I sometimes wonder why we are doing it when perhaps they would do just as well in state. Who knows?

I want to know WHY fees have gone up so spectacularly.

People say that it's to do with rich foreign oligarchs etc. I can see that being a factor in London/SE and in boarding schools all over the UK, but even day private schools in other parts of the country are apparently much more expensive than they used to be.

Are they feeding the kids crushed diamonds with a spoon or something?

Serious question.

Pensions & auto enrolment is one reason often given.

As a teacher, one thing that convicts me as to our sacrifice as a family to educate our children privately is spending a term teaching in an "outstanding" state school. Relief!

Interesting article on that point here New Statesman.

It says fee rises are the result of increased capital spending by schools to improve facilities - it's basically an arms race to compete with each other.

It depends on the school . From memory when my daughter was at Habs say about 15 years ago? the fees were about £10k a year. They are now £12k in the juniors. It seems to be schools attached to boarding schools tha have had huge increases in fees or where there is no local competition. I know in the 1970s my doctor father found our fees a very big expense indeed but then income tax rates were up to 66% - 99% for a good few people in the UK including him.

Hmm DD goes to state school and we certainly don't take "expensive cars and holidays" for granted because we're not paying private school fees. We don't have an expensive car and have had 1 holiday, a week in Spain, in the last 5 years. Not all parents of children at state schools have a lovely disposable income as a result!

This thread is not about you, saffy.

Hmmm, interesting. I can see why schools in the SE/boarding schools might engage in an arms race in order to attract Russian oligarchs or whatever.... Can't see why schools in other areas would do this though. Who would they be seeking to attract via such an arms race?

You'd think that someone would see a gap in the market for reasonably priced private schools and fill it. But I suppose that because of the way the British housing market works, the demographics who a generation ago would have paid for a modestly priced private school without spectacular facilities are no longer interested in doing so, because it makes more sense to just spend your money on a house in a better area and top with with tuition if necessary.

I have to say, when I look at some of the spectacular fees being charged by some of these schools, I can't help wondering if it might not make more sense to just use the money to buy a small house for your kid, so that they never need to worry about getting on the property ladder, if one wants to use one's money to set a child up in life....

Op I agree with what's been said about putting away money every month and assessing what you can write off for school fees. I worry that your commute is too long and not having local friends. Also that if money is an issue personally I would use the money for independent at 11+, if no grammars and state options less good.

FWIW I was a bright (top of year group) FSM kid from single parent working class family, low aspirations, worked PT from age of 12. I went to a comp (non grammar area) that thankfully was shut down the year I left. I would have given my right arm to attend a selective school (state or independent) where I would have been able to learn without the constant disruption of those who didn't want to be there. I still live in the area and while the comps are better than my day the intake is the same and results for the high attainers not good enough. DD is attending a highly selective few paying school from year 7,my motivation is I want her to have the best chance of enjoying school, and doing the best she can without pressure from others to skive off and muck about. We pay this from our wages and have saved a couple of years fees as back up. I would quite happily have sent her to grammar or a high performing comp but in many areas they simply don't exist. I think children can learn among others of all aptitudes, the key factor is the behaviour of the other children and how this is managed by the school.

I’m going to try and answer the literal thread title - how do we do it?

I work out how much the whole year costs, e.g. £5,000 a term so £15,000, add in music tuition (£600 a year), uniform (£250, mostly shoes!!), then add in holiday clubs. I get childcare vouchers (if you do not get these already, sign up now before they vanish this autumn!) and use these to offset the cost of at least the clubs as they give the tax back. HCs depend on where they are: the local club (for all schools) works out at £125 a week but is only open in state holidays. The camps (Beaumont, Super Camps etc) run at private schools and are about £170 a week; they are often going when the private schools are off but the state aren’t, so I target those for the weeks I can’t get DS in the local club. Be aware that there is very little holiday club provision at Christmas, which can mean a month where you have to find childcare or take time off! I spent £1,571 on holiday childcare in the past year.

So that’s a total of £17,421. Divide by 12 to get £1,452 (rounded up) a month between two of us. This is in outer London, so elsewhere will vary.

The way most people pay for this is out of taxed income. This is very inefficient. If you can find other ways of paying, you can claw back some of the tax. Take financial advice from a specialist (we used SFIA) and they have some helpful and legal ways of investing to make it less of a tax burden. To scare you, our total projected cost (excluding Uni!) is just shy of £300k.

I keep asking myself if I'd rather DS had a good education (which nobody can take away) or whether I want a posh house instead of our cramped semi. So far education is winning.

I've considered private school but on a household income of 75k with two kids, it is just not possible. I've opted for private tutoring to support state education. It's working well.

So many of the contributions on here highlight the fact that the people who can afford private education have NO IDEA what life is like – in ANY sense - for the other 94%+ . Some argue that abolishing paid-for education would at the very least ensure that the elites who run our society have some insight into the lives of those they govern – reading some of the deluded nonsense on this thread I’m almost convinced that’s a good enough argument in itself.

The governing class have no clue how the hoi polloi live. That's just a fact. A government should represent and reflect the people. The UK gov't - whatever persuasion - does neither. It's no reason to abolish private education but it is reason to re-think how governments are elected and from where. The argument - well, my argument - for abolishing paid-for education is to give everyone a fair chance at life. Nothing more or less

But, damn equality and all that jumped up jazz and Floreat Etona!

but doing that won't give everyone an equal chance as state schooling is so diverse. There is an enormous gulf between my local options and the Tiffins or Bucks Grammars, for example.

user I'm the other side of London and paying £18k a year for prep. Whilst the fees have gone up there's still plenty of demand and all our nearby private schools are oversubscribed so it is definitely a seller's market.

No, it's not that simple, 3am, I agree.

But it would represent a step in the right direction.

Eton etc are never not going to exist. I would direct your energies to making the state system fairer and more attractive to all.