To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

We are able to afford it because we don't have a mortgage/car payments because we were very lucky to have a large inheritance. Any money earned is therefore our own aside from the usual bills so we are able to afford the equivalent of a mortgage in private education.

My DD and I live with my parents, they pay 1/3, I pay 1/3 and her very absent 'D'F pays 1/3. We are fairly tight but the fees aren't horrific. About 10k. It is a very good prep school and feeds into the local grammar schools which are all excellent. The local primary schools are all low standards and it is not a decision that I ever thought we would make but am very happy with it.

It's a real dilemma for you I can see that and I have to admit I haven't had time to read the full thread. I'm a teacher having taught in state and private and lots of valid points raised here. I'm fascinated by those who say they sent their DC to private but then forgo holidays abroad, riding lessons etc. Have they not felt the pressure to 'keep up' with the other families? For example in the last prvate school I taught at Reception (class size 12) parents each contributed £10 for each child's birthday so as to get a really big present. Same pressure for teacher present at end of term etc. I loved the confidence inspired in each child and the specialist teaching in Primary for music, sport, art etc. But personally I'd go for a good state primary and take my children travelling, to the theatre, London, riding etc. I'd advise you to go and look at the state primaries now. It doesn't matter if they are over subscribed. We have got DS into a state primary for September. We are out of catchment. Head has come from private sector and the impression I got when I visited was amazing she has definitely brought her private school edge to the school. Specialist music teacher wide range of extra curricular activities too. You might be suprised. Good luck whatever you decide!

When my first DC started private school our net household income was about double yours and we found it a stretch (obviously it depends on how big your mortgage and other expenses are though).

If you do decide to go for it do your homework carefully. As with state schools, not all private schools are good and the most expensive are not necessarily the best.

I would happily pay double what I do for my DS to attend his school because it is utterly brilliant in every way. By contrast, my DD's school is more expensive but nowhere near as good.

George Orwell said that the cruellest thing a parent can do to a child is to send them to a school where everyone else has more money than them... Just a thought.

Have they not felt the pressure to 'keep up' with the other families?

No. Huge variety of different lifestyles at my kids' schools.

Many other parents who are used to making sacrifices for the sake of the kids' education. A few flash cars and holidays, but they are the exception not the norm. It is a lovely, down to earth, country school.

Something to bear in mind is that the holidays are much longer in the private sector so you may have up to 8 weeks off in the summer to arrange childcare for your child, 3 weeks at Christmas etc

I would def look at moving to an area with really good state schools.
I was privately educated as were my other 4 siblings and quite honestly, this is going to sound harsh, I thought it was a waste of money. I didn't have local friends which I feel is important for my children. I wouldn't consider independent school for my DC's even if I could afford it. Our nearest independent school has much poorer results than our local state schools.
My cousins DS has recently moved from private to state school and is doing much better as the private school were not supporting his SEN. I have heard similar stories as independent schools do tend to be very academic.
My eldest DC has just finished GCSE's and managed 7A*'s and 3 A's in a local state school and is now starting A levels. Good luck with whatever you decide.

This is such a big dilemma. We have just been through it. We didn't think we would get into a good local school (reception/ primary) as we were out of catchment and didn't fit any of the main admissions criteria.

So we signed our eldest up to prep. I love the school, but to. E brutal would rather save the 12-15k per year, per child (2) over the next 14 years, and then possibly have to finance uni.

However, we found out we did get into the better local school; dilemma!

So we thought long and hard and decided that we would press ahead. Local secondary schools are awful, so we aren't confident they would pass the 11+ to get into private after 7 years in primary.

It's going to cost a bomb, and although we Earn good money, I still worry. We were both educated in the state system, I went to great state schools, buy husband awful. He left school at 16 and has worked hard and went to uni as a mature student and since 25 has had a great job, he did waste a great deal of time though!

I plan to see how it pans out and if they Rent happy then we pull them out, if I lose my job... They come out.

Roll on September....

My ex and I split the fees between us, so effectively one DC each. We both earn fairly big salaries, but the fees at their public school are now £24k per child (day), so a huge amount to find. DS1 will be off to university in a year which will be considerably cheaper. I am hoping to be able to retire once they both have a job, although I am half expecting to end up funding postgraduate study as well

Example holidays at our independent school (in line with others in the area):

This year 20 weeks holiday of which:

October Half Term: 2 weeks
Christmas: 3.5 weeks
Feb Half Term: 1 week
Easter: 3.5 weekS
May Half Term: 1 week
Summer holiday July 8-Sept 9 (nearly 9 weeks)

Not far off half the year. Suddenly your £60k is getting eaten up fast.

That's also not including a few half days at the end of term, an inset day or two, sports day / Christmas play / concert days where they leave at 12 etc.

Say your childcare is £60 a day (... It is actually more like £100 where we live), then that's an extra £6,000 a year unless you use your shared holiday, family help etc.

That's also before you've factored in before / after school clubs, transport, trips and the best part of £500 on uniform.

all the good schools will be oversubscribed but if you are in catchment and close to the school then you stand a chance of getting a place, good luck!

I completely understand that you want your DD to have the same education that you did, especially if you loved it so much.
I think that the save the equivalent amount monthly now idea is a very good one.
In terms of NHS salaries, my experience are mixed, I have relatives who are consultants in NHS who say that they couldn't afford fees and others (with a private practice) who can afford 3 v hefty ones.
My eldest DC is at local grammar which is an eye opener, we have fabulous state primaries here (and actually very, very good secondaries, Outstanding in fact) and a not very good Independent option (which we would never have considered tbh). We earn and live well and feel a tad humbled at the school gates. Could just be all fur coats and no knickers though, I do think the cachet of being the best/having dc who are is very sought after here, just in a different way to an Indy .
Independent/Grammar schools will always divide opinion as they segregate on either wealth of parents and brains (and wealth of parents to get them tutored) they are undoubtedly elitist.
You do as you see fit and as you can manage as a family.
As an aside, I understand about your DH, not putting too much pressure on, keeping his days stress free, (my DH had a very serious illness and is now on 1/4 of his old salary, but we are in NW and did well before his ill health, so a bit easier).

I work in a fairly expensive private school. As teachers, we are often intrigued by how some parents afford their children's education. Honestly, there are only two or three parents, I think, who are really struggling. We think:

• about a third of the students have their fees paid by grandparents- this is clear to us, because we get the grandparents round on open days now to check out what they're paying for
• about a third of students have some form of scholarship or are paid for by the school. Parents are well-off....but not completely loaded
• about a third of the parents are stupidly rich. Oligarch style.

I have come across a lot of independent schools- some very elite, that I see being discussed here. In general, what you're paying for is the confidence the kids gain, and the fact that they'll only be mixing with wealthy students. In my opinion (please god let me be unidentifiable!), the state sector often provides a far better standard of teaching and skills. I was at a major IT provider recently (large, fruit-based) who made me laugh a lot with their tales of trying to bring ICT usage into some of the very elite schools. And this whole assessment fuss? It's passed a lot of independent schools by, because they haven't been using data tracking and targeting anyway.

Try the state first and see what happens.

Dd's school has excellent provision after and before school care and in holidays run a fab holiday club if pre booked its 30.00 a day.

Not may independent schools offer such a great flexibility we are really lucky.

I would say that if you can move to an area with good schools this would be the thing to do.

We could not even begin to afford to educate our DD (8) privately but are lucky to be in area with very good schools (Ofsted outstanding or good for all schools in the area).

Our DD has SN and attends a small local first school (69 pupils). They have been very good in getting her extra help and she has come on tremendously in the year and a half she has been there.

The school also has very cheap or free after school activities ranging from Latin, science club and music to judo and football and a very active and friendly PTA.

I know we are lucky but if you research the schools in an area thoroughly I think it is possible to get an equally good education in the state sector.

Good luck!

curioushorse all I can say is I hope you don't teach maths.

You're saying there are no parents who simply earn good salaries for hard work, don't need handouts from either school or grandparents, aren't oligarchs and are paying their kids' school fees themselves?

Like us?

And by the way our children's GPs come to visit the school because they're proud and take an interest in their education.

No pressure at Dd's to keep up with the Jones, and the minority that do go on the costly ski trips are just that, a tiny minority. Probability dictates there will be some parents who'll look down on us, but I've yet to encounter it, and dd hasn't either, even though a fair number have been to our house, and she doesn't keep our lifestyle a secret. Very different to other far less wealthy environments where I've encountered outright snobbery. Nor is dd bothered by the fact others are better off than her, it's not as though she previously lived in a bubble never socialising with anyone richer or poorer than us.

Maybe at some schools that are crap, and therefore have a disproportionate number of parents who are purely there for the kudos of saying 'private school' there might be a lot more financial pressure and snobbery. But most of the decent ones will have a range of parents.

Oh I dunno curioushorse. I used to love pulling into DS's London day school in a 10 year old mpv with dents and chatting to the "Oligarchs". The bursar knew who had a little trust for the music scholars and dh and the head got on very well. Both maligned as grammar school boys by posh knobs a term behind with the fees.

Apologies, but I'll never forget the ghastly grandmother who said to me (I am very posh) "you know he struggles, the head, because he's a grammar school boy and not one of us don't you". "Oh really, he was at Oxford with my husband but my husband went to the local comp. Your sons must be so grateful you pay the fees for them, it must be such a help, what is "Johnnie doing now?"

I'm not sure the teachers know the real state of the arrears and to whom they belong.

As teachers, we are often intrigued by how some parents afford their children's education. Honestly, there are only two or three parents, I think, who are really struggling. We think:

Well that's fucked up. I have taught in private my entire career and this thought has never crossed my mind, nor been a topic of conversation in the staff room.

I just teach the kids. I don't give a shit how or if they pay the fees.

While I can see that economies like second hand school uniform make sense if you are having to opt for second hand uniform and other economies from the word go then the above wage inflation fee increases may well be crippling.

Frugality may seem a sacrifice worth making at the outset but will it still seem so worthwhile across the whole of the 13 years of education? That is an awful long time of cheese paring.

I do understand your dilemma but do look at your state options and don't assume you will not get into the village one 3 miles away, you may have a low birthrate year and it is not far.

My story is that I did not even contemplate state, we have 2 DS but my youngest has been kicked out of the private as they say he is too much of a burden due to him having mild developmental delay mainly in speech and language and the head does not want to put an LSA into Reception class which he would need to do his prescribed SALT. Private schools are under no obligation to put a LSA and there would only be the class teacher in a class of 18.

We have looked at other private but also have been overwhelmed at the welcome we have had from state with far better adult to child ratios than where we were at plus dedicated SENCOs who are more than happy for us to bring in our own speech therapist and to set time aside at least twice a week for his speech exercises.

There is no nirvana in any school and at the moment we are kicking ourselves that we didn't give state a shot for our eldest and would have been 70 grand richer.

We moved from Berlin, where our son's secondary-school fees were part of the expat package, to London, where they're not (my company is London-based, but I'm American). The loss of the Berlin school was a shock to our standard of living that overwhelmed the medium-sized raise I got. The raise was less than half the cost of private schools in London, and then there was the greater rent and cost of nearly everything else.

Incidentally, the private school in Berlin was about half the cost of the London ones I've seen. If I could pay that for private today, I would -- my son is miserable in the state school he was sent to. But there is nothing in London for near that price. It's been a very hard landing.

We've moved to be practically next door to a great state school and are desperately hopeful he will get in - he's now #2 on the waiting list but it's possible absolutely no one will move any time soon. It's shattered my nerves and really soured me on London, alas; you can't be much happier than your miserable child.

lizzy sorry to hear about your DH, I hope he is on the mend now. Mine says he would be really pleased to drive her to and from school, he enjoys driving. To be honest we still don't really know exactly how much work he'll be able to get back to eventually

funny is it really worth looking at schools now, even though she's a baby?

About a third of pupils at independent schools receive some assistance with fees (at a minority of schools a much bigger percentage, at others nowhere near so many ). Our DD would defi not be there without help, and it is still a struggle (as others have said, uniform, trips etc). We have the smallest house of year group, and I am charity shops/ standby tickets/groupon/competition websites' best customer!! Harder when they are smaller as I think most scholarships/bursaries start senior school though I know of a few that offer from year 3. Although there are some people at the school who have horses/swimming pools/fancy cars etc what I would call a wealthy lifestyle, they are mostly sensitive to the fact it's obvious that some people are defi from (far!) more challenging financial circumstances - they're the ones we tend to hang out with - with ancient cars, modest holidays (if any) and very sensible shopping habits!! Lots rely on grandparents' support too. It depends on your point of view- the school offers so many things that I would have to pay for out of school if at a state school locally, and also longer hours so I can work longer (and not pay for extra childcare). I think a lot depends on your outgoings - but also what you consider essential, I know people with HUGE joint salaries who send their children to nearby schools because they have good schools nearby and are able to ski regularly, have expensive cars, send their kids on expensive trips etc; the school DD attends is absolutely perfect for her and its only for a few years so measures such as rarely using the dryer/dishwasher (electric saving) , shopping in charity shops, food shopping when it's discounted at end of day etc. seem small price to pay.