AIBU to want to punch my husband in the face

[StarThorn]

I am probably being an idiot but my dh and I went out tonight, we had 10mo ds, so I left at 7. Dh didn't call, text or bother getting in touch and just rocked up, pissed out of his head, telling me he does everything for me and I don't give a shit about him, and proceeded to say he wants a divorce. I know he is drunk but he said some really hurtful things. He climbed into bed with me, started groping my ass and when I told him I was having my period he said I can go fuck myself and he wants a divorce as I don't give a shit about him. He said I had no reason to be annoyed. Am I just being pissy for no reason, or is my dh a giant cockhead?!?!?

This all depends on trust.

Let's imagine it this way, so he went out and got very drunk, at some point spoke to these women, 1 of them going through a divorce(maybe drunk herself?), explaining all the reasons her marriage has failed, alcohol can lead to irrational beliefs so he starts to add up what apparantly you don't do for him and thinks he should get a divorce too, and he may of just been enjoying a different attractive woman paying him attention which lead to asking for a number. It's what he will do with the number?
If he does text her, i would question why, because you should be the first woman he wants to talk to, after all he is married to you not her.

I would suggest, spend a short period of time apart, stay at your parents with your child, let him see a life without you, let him have time to simmer, to see what you do for him, if he does not miss you and texts another woman, it's time to close the door on the marriage, because his mind is elsewhere.
However if he misses you and says so or acts so, you know the marriage can be saved and through thick and thin you will make it work but only if he does not break your trust!!

His behaviour is bizarre - especially as it is out of character. Is he struggling to adjust to life post baby? A life where he is no longer your #1?

Have you considered couples counselling?

I wouldn't rush into anything but keep an eye on the situation.

I would also spend more time being independent (more time at your parents or with friends) & instigate a date night every fortnight if you don't already.

He may be feeling "ousted" & unable to process this. Totally unfair On you of course but some men do react oddly after a child arrives.

Is there a friend of yours (male of female) who could wangle a cuppa & some quiet time with him & find out what's going on?

People that turn mean when drunk or get depressed etc, shouldn't drink.he stops drinking or you leave (mind you I think id leave after last nights performance anyway) hugs to you xx

Could you imagine the replies if op said dw instead......

I think that you may be right Mindful, baby may be a factor, I have told him now exactly how I feel about it and I think he knows where I'm coming from. He did add both women on Facebook but has not contacted either. I'm not worried about him straying exactly, thinking logically he works 2 jobs and he is home the rest of the time, he calls me whenever he leaves the office to go onsite and when he is on the way back, so several times throughout the day, he is with me the rest of the time and leaves his phone lying around so no suspicious behaviour, though that's not to say he doesn't enjoy the attention from them. I left him with ds today and stayed in bed until 12 I needed the sleep! I feel I can be more objective now.
I have suggested a regular date night and he loves the idea, so maybe he is more left out than I realised.
I have also spoken to my bf, her dh and mine get on really well and we are planning to go out together (leaving dh's together) we have not long moved back to the UK and had to move North for dh's work, I've still not made friends up here so it is isolating, and not helping matters. We travel down to see family every weekend but are planning to move closer, I think having that support will help no end.
It is going to take some time to get back on an even keel, but we are both actively taking steps and are both making the effort. We shall see what happens.

In what way Oddsocks? In that men are more quickly villified than women?

Morning star
That is tough - the isolation. At a tough time. Starting a family really puts a bomb under a relationship so to do that without friends & family nearby and having just moved back to the uk, welll that is going to be tough. (& I say that as someone in a very similar position when I had Dc1!! Luckily I made NCT friends which cushioned me a bit)

The relationship dynamic changes forever with the addition of a child and the male readjustment is also not something much discussed. Hell. Your own adjustment to becoming a mother is not really well discussed!!!

Take it easy.

We moved back to the uk to a place away from where I grew up. Dh is foreign anyway. I was 7 months pregnant. It was tough. We also got rid of a big bunch of his friends, he met through work when he came back to England with me years and years ago when we first got together. Some of them were never very nice to me (jealous) and we discovered they were very nasty about me behind my back and to my face when I said something to one of them. Dh still doesn't have many friends, which is sad. Adding a child into this mix has been really hard. Especially as I developed chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) and we don't have the relationship we want either. I'm glad you can get your relationship back on track. I hope to do the same with mine someday.

Thank you Mindful I am taking each day as it comes, so we'll see what happens.

Jane that's awful, I'm sorry you are going through all that, I hope you can get back on track soon x