Dss hit my dd!

[TerriHatchet]

Vv shocked and upset. Dss 7 was playing in the living room with dd 11 months sleeping on her play mat, dss suddenly walked over and slapped her hard on the arm, for no reason. She started crying and he did it again. He didn't know I was in the room standing at the door. I lost it and shouted at him and told Dh I wanted him to take him out for a few hours before I said something bad to him. Really don't wasnt dss in the house tonight.

Hi OP, nothing to add as you've had great advice but just to say that you sound like a lovely stepmother.

op can I just say I think you've handled things marvellously. Little kids- and as a mother of a 7 year old, 7 is still little- they sometimes do crazy things with little or no impulse control.

Sorry to hear about your PND, it's a fucker that one. Hope uou start to feel better soon.

You sound like lovely mum to both your kids

Nil it's horrible, I feel exhausted by it but hopefully will start to get better now that I have recognised it. Going to sit down and explain to dss that I don't cry because of dd or because of him or his dad, it's because sometime people get ill for no reason, it's just their brain playing tricks, but that the doctor will make me better and I won't cry for no reason. Trying to explain any kind of mental illness to kids is so hard! A broken leg would be easier to explain

OP. Hope you're starting to feel better soon and I'm glad you and your family have been able to be open and honest with each other

A friend of mine once tipped his baby step brother down the stairs.

I understand it's upsetting but it could have been worse. I think you've dealt with it well.

Haven't RTFT as a bit ragey at the amount of people dismissing with "he's 7" and how awful you are for "sending him away". I have a nearly 7 year old and a baby on the way. If she hit the baby for no reason SEVERAL TIMES I would probably send her out with DP whilst I calmed down too. That is totally unacceptable and I don't believe that children of that age "don't know what they are doing" as far as anger and violence towards a baby goes. If he was 2/3, yes that would be an over reaction and you'd have to be more vigilant about leaving them alone. But, not in this circumstance.

That's a great explanation op. Hope you manage to have a good chat.

duck rtft...

Duck RTFT.

OP you are doing a great job. Hope you start to feel better soon.

Finished reading the thread.
I still understand and somewhat agree with OPs original decision, especially with the PND. It gave everyone a chance to calm down before talking things through and getting to the bottom of the issue.

I'm glad that you have sorted the situation with DSS, OP. Explaining mental health to little ones is never easy. I've always gone with telling DD I have a poorly brain. you can't see it but it means that the way I think and feel about things isn't always the way it should be. Sometimes I have to take medicine to make it better and sometimes I can't. It is nobody's fault, but there are things that make it harder to deal with and that's why I try and avoid those situations and get upset/hurt by things etc.

You sound like you're doing a bloody brilliant job, OP. Looking to seek extra help with the PND etc seems a great idea too.

Rosie everybody supports me, I couldn't be luckier in that sense. Dh has been my rock, he works two jobs to provide for us but still does his bit at home when he knows I am tired and need a break. I looks after both children while Dh works but I could probably do with spending a bit of time with dss, we used to do lots of fun things together but recently it has all been baby related. When Dh goes to work tonight I am gonna put on a film for me and dss in my bedroom and have a wee movie night. His inappropriate actions will be discussed before that but now that I have heard why he did what he did l, I don't feel as angry as I did before. It cannot happen again and I will explain to him why, how babies can be very easily hurt and how serious it is to hit a baby, or anyone I suppose but babies are so defenceless!
Going to pour a glass of wine while Dh puts dd to bed and try and enjoy my Saturday night!

And duck, your name has now made me want to order Chinese tonight,. That sounds like a shout actually. Wee treat for everyone now that things have calmed down

Aww terri just read your update bless him i hope the chat goes well but you must tell him hecant hurt the baby and then tell him what you said you were going to.

A movie night sounds just lovely he will like that you sound a great mum

I'm glad things seem calmer now OP.

One thing I learned from my DS, who's now 10, is that sometimes rather than giving out, what can do the world of good is to give a huge hug.

The incident happened hours ago. He has spent time discussing it with your DH. He has explained to your DH why he did it. His actions were wrong, but he did it with a good heart, and in an effort to mind you. He has said sorry.

In the words of that bloody princess Elsa 'Let it go'. There's no need to discuss it again, and don't turn this into multiple bouts of discussion about something. He is 7, and this day, as well as the build up to it, has been hard on him too. When your DH goes out, just let it be about something nice happening between you and your DSS.

Also be aware, that in spite of all your discussions, this 'can' happen again. He is small. He will make bad decisions. He will push boundaries. That all comes with job of being a kid. But ultimately, he has to know that, no matter what, you and his Dad will always be there for him, and he will never be made leave his home because of those bad decisions. ANd that above all, no matter how he behaves, you will always love him just as much as your DD.

I hope you can relax and enjoy your movie night

If you feel your pnd is impacting your DSS then there's a book called An Umbrella for Alex that might help. It's for DCs whose parents suffer from BPD or depression and explains how they aren't responsible for their parent's mood or wellbeing. I haven't read it but I have a friend who found it helpful.

Until I saw the reason why your dss slapped his sister, I wanted to say you are punishing his behaviour by possibly giving him what he wants: alone time with daddy, because I thought he was perhaps jealous. Although misplaced I understand his behaviour from a 7 yr old perspective. He's missing the old you . I hope you do feel better soon.

I just read squiggleri's post. I think it does need discussing because he's confused as to why you're poorly. I talk to DD (7) a lot about my illness. I have a lot of limitations and I repeatedly tell her what I can and can't do. I'm going through a bad patch right now and am getting a bit short tempered and irritable. DD needs reminding that my moods are nothing to do with anything she's done. Frequently. Dss will probably need the same reminders about DD being the same age.

I think the OPs PND needs to be discussed with the boy, as he is obviously confused about what is going on, but his behaviour has been discussed enough. He behaved the way he did because he didn't understand what's going on around him. He needs that explained to him, but not tonight. Right now he just needs to know everything is okay. Tonight I think he needs a hug and movie night, no discussion of what he did, or how his behaviour cannot be repeated. At another time, a discussion about what s going on for OP is required, but at a time when both the OP and her DSS are able for it. Today has been a very emotionally-charged day.