Dss hit my dd!

[TerriHatchet]

Vv shocked and upset. Dss 7 was playing in the living room with dd 11 months sleeping on her play mat, dss suddenly walked over and slapped her hard on the arm, for no reason. She started crying and he did it again. He didn't know I was in the room standing at the door. I lost it and shouted at him and told Dh I wanted him to take him out for a few hours before I said something bad to him. Really don't wasnt dss in the house tonight.

OP Your plan sounds eminently sensible.

Have they come back yet if my 7 year old hit a baby i would be furious he is probably best out of the way for a bit be careful of the protective big brother thing jealousy of a baby can come out at anytime the baby is 11 months so more active more chatty getting more attention s

I agree it is not acceptable behaviour, but he is a young child, only 7. When my ds now 4 was born, dd was 5 at the time, and also with ASD and speech and language delay would do something like that. Yes it is not acceptable, but op, you are going very ott. Your dp should try to get to the bottom of it, and deal with the behaviour. Mabey he is jealous there is a baby in the house. Yes 4 years on, dd now 9 is still jealous but is gradually getting used to another child vying for her attention. As ds is older, they play quite nicely most of the time together.

My toddler smacked her brother (newborn) the other day. she was punished accordingly and explained it was unacceptable but I would let it go if it happens again I would sit him down. Sounds like jealously. If he was your flesh and blood you wouldn't remove him from the house I do think that is extreme

By doing that your feeding the fact he feels pushed out

I think you are handling it fine op, you were clearly shocked when it happened, have separated DSS from the situation and thoug about how to handle it when he returns.

Fwiw when I was six I did something similar to my six week old cousin. Except I used a plastic golf club from a kids play set. No idea what I was thinking but can't recall any actual malice behind it. Being hit with a plastic golf club definitely hurts though - my arse was resoundedly paddled with it by my father when he saw what had happened.

Kids tend to have a few screws loose.

I think the OP made a decision in the heat of the moment that wasn't the right one but we don't always get it right, especially when upset.

"it might have even been a moment of stupidity where he has wondered if she would feel a smack if she was asleep."

Yes, but that doesn't explain why he did it again when she started to cry rather than try to cuddle her.

7 is old enough to know hitting is wrong. I recommend asking him why he did it and whether he thinks it was acceptable behaviour, and how he thinks dd will feel and how he thinkshis dad will feel and how he thinks you will feel. These sorts of questions are very uncomfortable for ds and gets him to face his actions.

7 is old enough for privaledges to be removed.

it might be worth dad having a quick word with mum at handover too. just to put her in the picture. make surte everything is over and done with before he leaves though.

7 years olds are prone to the odd mad moment but these need tobe used to teach them what behaviour is acceptable. or not. better now than when they are a teen doing something stupid.

I agree, would you have reacted the same, if DSS was a blood sibling? That reaction, is helping him feel pushed out. Next time it happens, you remove him from the situation, get him to apologise to you, and tell him it is wrong. Mabey remove a something he likes or a treat for half a day.

I'd send him to his room for you to calm down. Sending him out the house sends the wrong message. And his dad is probably treating him to pass the time.

pagwatch Thanks. We all get a bit irate sometimes. I am a long term user (frequent name changer) so I have had worse I assure you I am a teacher and quite good at it and I absolutely could not drive a truck. Can barely drive a car.

It's threads like this that really highlight the problems step parents/blended families face. I couldn't do it.

Home is where the heart is.

A word to the wise is enough.

To err is human; to forgive divine.

Lunar he is not treating him as such but he is talking to him about what he did to his baby sister.

He clearly has issues with his sister - most likely he is jealous of her. He doesnt know how to handle his emotions, so he lashes out. I think you do need to talk to him. Tell him its wrong and ask him why he did it. Try not to put words in his mouth. I think he has to have consequences. You could remove something he likes or he isn't allowed to do something he wants. As well as this, when its all blown over, make time for him. Sounds like he is seeking your attention.

dss suddenly walked over and slapped her hard on the arm, for no reason

Did he tell you there was no reason for slapping her? Just wondering, if you actually asked him.

Also, the very things that make 7 year olds funny and loveable and witty (i.e. their over-the top emotions and impulsiveness) are also things that can make them do things that aren't so nice, and even mean to others.l But he's 7. And being 7 means he will do the wrong thing.

Whilst, wrong, I don't think your DSs behaviour is unusual. What I do think is unusual is your reaction:
I lost it and shouted at him and told Dh I wanted him to take him out for a few hours before I said something bad to him. Really don't wasnt dss in the house tonight.
Your house is his home. He is 7. And you can reach a level of rejection of him that would lead you to say you don't want him in his home tonight.

I couldn't look to him right now
I won't have my baby hit in the Place she should be safe, not by anyone.

And how about him? He's 7 years old. He lives with his Dad and not his Mum full time, which makes one imagine there is some level of a back-story. There is now a new baby who belongs fully to the two parents in his home, but he doesn't. You've had PND. It seems like there's a lot going on for this little boy. Maybe he had no reason he could articulate, but maybe he has a reason, or may he doesn't understand, and just lashed out. But maybe rather than being shouted at by you, and his Dad, made leave the house, be treated quite nastily before he left (the idea of not being able to look at a small child and having him taken out of the house and not wanting him back that night, is a very harsh response). Imagine how he must feel?

I also think you need to gain some perspective on what having a sibling is like. They can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies all in the space of 5 minutes. They can be scratching each others eyes out one day, and the next defending the other against all any sundry in the school yard. She is a baby. He made a mistake. He needs to learn from that mistake. But more importantly, you need to learn how to have proportional responses to quite usual behaviour, and not deal so harshly with such a small child.

OP, just a quickie to ask if you're okay.

Its not been an easy day for you and I doubt this thread is going to make it any better.

Maybe its time now to start enjoying your Saturday

You need to learn how to have proportional responses to quite usual behaviour, and not deal so harshly with such a small child.

I agree with the above poster. I hadnt realised this was the way you responded. Seems to me, you are showing your ds that your dd is more important by your actions. This does need careful handling. Your response is quite unusual. You do seem to have forgotten he is only 7. I would dream of sending my ds out of the house at this age!

Grip - that also happens to bio dc - I remember being told to "get out of my sight" by my dm who loves me dearly.

Hopefully he will be able to find out why he did it.

Most people have offered good impartial advice. So thanks.
They came in a couple of mins ago and dss came over and said sorry and we had a cuddle, going to have a proper chat once DD is in bed and Dh goes to work, he works nights at the moment. Not to give him into trouble but to just chat generally, just me and him like we used to before dd was born.
Dh pulled me aside and said that dss told him he hit dd because "terri cries lots now and she didn't before dd was born." So obviously my pnd has no caused my dss to believe dd has upset me in some way. (My pnd is something which is being addressed and it breaks my heart to think of it affecting my kids so I will be pushing for meds at my Drs appointment next week!)

Sorry accidentally pasted a link that shouldn'tbe there - have asked to delete my comment! This is what I meant to say!
Oh Terri that's heartbreaking. I think a cuddle and a chat, some boundaries and talks about how to manage his anxieties are the order of the day? I wish you well, have a peaceful evening x