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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think if a woman complains of domestic violence, our first response should not be calling her a liar.

128 replies

mrgrouper · 28/05/2016 08:18

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-36403396

Amber Heard has been granted a restraining order against Johnny Depp. There are photos circulating on the Internet of her with a nasty bruise over her right eye which she states occurred Depp caused by throwing an iPhone at her.

Many comments on Twitter claim the photos are faked, (apparently there was a photo taken a day later which does not show a bruise), people calling her manipulative and others pointing out as she is an actress, this is probably just a Machiavellian piece of show acting.

I have been through DV on two occasions and each time was branded a liar. About time both male and female victims of DV are supported and not shamed.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 28/05/2016 08:23

I completely agree on the DV front. I wish she wasn't claiming spousal support though, after a year of marriage. It doesn't help her case (for sympathy, not legal case).

GirlOutNumbered · 28/05/2016 08:25

The fact that people feel the need to comment and speculate is weird. There's a whole other thread talking about who believes her and why.
You are right, it is unacceptable for us to start saying whether she is a liar. If another male actor said he had been hit by Johnny Depp, I bet people wouldn't automatically say he was lying.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2016 08:26

Best not to speculate at all.

TendonQueen · 28/05/2016 08:28

Agree. The folk saying she's an actress so must be faking don't apply the same logic to JD. 'He's nice' well..

curren · 28/05/2016 08:29

I agree with sparkling . Best not to speculate. If she is saying he did it, he is saying he didn't. I can't see how anyone could automatically believe or not believe either of them

NaffOffMartha · 28/05/2016 08:29

YANBU.

I wouldn't have a clue who did or didn't do what. (I'm not even interested tbh.) But the cultural response is very interesting. And scary.

Why would you NOT believe someone's accusation? Otherwise you're accusing them of a different, but still very serious, crime.

No bloody wonder people don't want to report DV.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/05/2016 08:30

Agree. Wish all the misogynistic new posters would feck off from MN

NaffOffMartha · 28/05/2016 08:31

Yy curren. It's for the courts to decide. I don't know either of them and have only heard vague details second-hand through the media.

Myusernameismyusername · 28/05/2016 08:32

The reason people do is because he has been a well loved actor for a long time and it's really really shocking IMO. Added to the fact that he is usually quite private and doesn't use the media unless promoting films, to see it all over the media naturally raises some questions and opinions. None of his other partners have ever come forward to say anything like this, so it is a surprise to his fans.

Her behaviour doesn't seem to sit right with many people because she has dived head first into a divorce and spousal support issue instead of pressing criminal charges against him. I don't know what her lawyer is advising her, but this seems most odd. Unless they are waiting for him to come back to the US before arresting him.

On the flip side he has started to look quite dreadful and not his usual self, not even just ageing just strange at times, so there is every chance he could be unwell (drink/drugs)

IMO I think that if he did it, then it should be investigated by the police and they should determine whether he is guilty or not. You could have an innocent man tarred by Twitter as a criminal wife beater, or alternatively a woman who has suffered DV being called a liar

PPie10 · 28/05/2016 08:32

YY curren. No one should automatically believe or disbelieve her.

crazywriter · 28/05/2016 08:38

No one should believe of disbelieve her as a pp said. But a defendant is innocent until proven guilty, which would mean the accuser is a liar until proven truthful if looked at that way. I don't think the public have sympathy for her for a) it's Johnny Depp, how could he possibly do wrong (not my view) and b) she's claiming spousal support a year after marriage and it could look like she was also after his money after all.

Personal, I have no opinion. I'll let the courts do their work. Their relationship or lack of means nothing to me.

Overbally though, it is a shame abuse victims can't speak out without being called a liar. The same for rape victims. It's unfortunate that a few bad women making false claims have ruined it for others. But the defendant shouldn't instantly be attacked for a crime they have been accused of and people need to wait for the courts to decide.

AyeAmarok · 28/05/2016 08:42

Do we really need another thread about this?

And isn't this just a TAAT?

Myusernameismyusername · 28/05/2016 08:42

My post should have said not if he did do it, just that it should be investigated properly.

NaffOffMartha · 28/05/2016 08:43

'It's unfortunate that a few bad women making false claims have ruined it for others.'

That's the case with all crimes though, surely. Insurance claims are always thoroughly investigated, we don't waggle fingers and say well, they don't believe you because some bad insurance customers have been dishonest and ruined it for everyone else Confused

aginghippy · 28/05/2016 08:51

It's unfortunate that a few bad women making false claims have ruined it for others.

It's sexism that has ruined it for the victims, not the claims of other women. Disbelieving women is a way of discouraging us from reporting and encouraging us to put up with it. The rates of false reports for crimes of violence against women are the same as for other crimes. When my flat was burgled, everybody believed me. Nobody wondered if I was lying because my neighbours had scammed their insurance company.

aginghippy · 28/05/2016 08:54

About time both male and female victims of DC are supported and not shamed.

^This

aginghippy · 28/05/2016 08:56
  • victims of DV
LittleLionMansMummy · 28/05/2016 08:56

I agree it's best to let justice take its course - she should be taken seriously and he deserves to be treated fairly too. Nobody should automatically be presumed guilty or innocent. I'm still reeling from the Rolf Harris scenario - bet very few people actually believed he was guilty. That's why we have a justice system which, although imperfect, does tend to work in the vast majority of cases.

SaucyJack · 28/05/2016 08:57

Has he actually tried to deny it?

I find it depressingly believable meself.
Their marriage has looked to be a train wreck from the start, and he's looked off his nut for some months now.

Oh Johnny. Best get to rehab while you still have a career and some fans left.

The mighty are falling.

VioletBam · 28/05/2016 08:57

To those saying she shouldn't be claiming support...her career is fucked now.

It really is. Hollywood will ditch her...she'll be seen as tainted. I don't blame her. He can afford it.

RaarSaidTheLion · 28/05/2016 08:57

Myusername

None of his other partners have ever come forward to say anything like this, so it is a surprise to his fans.

Johnny Depp was arrested in New York in 1994 after smashing up a hotel room during a fight with with his then partner Kate Moss. Not a huge stretch from smashing up a room to hurling stuff at someone. But selective amnesia does strike for many where formerly very attractive people are concerned.

Original poster
mrgrouper · 28/05/2016 08:57

I think the situation is far worse for male DV victims. They are expected to 'man up' and deal with the abuser. Authorities do not take them seriously.
I remember getting help from a DV charity and attending the Freedom Programme. I asked the woman who ran the group whether male DV victims would be attending and she said "we have no men here, this is a safe space". WTF? so all men are a threat to us?

OP posts:
MessedUpWheelieBin · 28/05/2016 08:58

Crazywriter I'm not seeking to have a go at you, but at what to me is an old chestnut, that I hear a lot and dislike, because it's back to making it all 'women's fault.'

"It's unfortunate that a few bad women making false claims have ruined it for others."

I don't agree that that's why women who've been physically or/and sexually abused get disbelieved.
It isn't because of "a few bad women" that society behaves the way it does, any more than children historically not being believed was 'because of a few bad children making false claims ruining it for others.'

SanityClause · 28/05/2016 09:00

Okay, I know this is about rape, and not DV, but I think it's relevant.

To think if a woman complains of domestic violence, our first response should not be calling her a liar.
MessedUpWheelieBin · 28/05/2016 09:00

Doh! I see others felt the same in the time it took me to phrase that!