to wonder if you'd leave your 3/4 year old alone at a party?

[partridgeappletree]

Having sudden last minute doubts about this weekend's party plans. Would you leave your 3/4 year old alone at the party of someone whose mum you've chatted to at nursery pick up once or twice?

nope, certainly not any younger than a school aged child

(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) For Tomorrow

I'm in France where they have slightly different ideas about this.

At DD's 4yo party most parents dropped and run (maybe 23 kids dropped off, 2 mums stayed). One dad even refused to give me a contact phone number in case of emergency!

Tomorrow is her 5yo party and I don't expect anyone to stay, no other parent has stayed at parties that DD has gone to through-out the year.

RojanJosh Totally agree, I wouldn't mentioned me on the invite.

I started to leave whilst DS was at Reception (4/5) but it very much depended on the circumstances - I was prepared to stay at all of them. Sometimes parents straightaway said they were happy for me to go, if they didn't I would definitely stay.

Yes, assuming they're in Nursery school. The only parents who don't drop & go are those of PFB. Contact details are always left but as the party host, unless you make it clear you want parents to stay, you really need to ensure you have enough adults to help you.

No one of us stays with DS, nearly 4.

My friends only had small ( no more than 6) children to parties at that age. AlwYs held at home.Happily left the DC's at that age as they knew the host.

I've so far only left my 4yo once. He's in Reception, and it was a small village hall party, with all his year (15 children) plus some siblings, I know the parents and they have my number. I did check with both him and the party host if it would be OK to leave him though!
I think 4 is about the borderline, that's sort of when you can start leaving them (depending on the child and circumstances).
He'd been invited to another party a year ago and the mum told us all 'you can just leave them here and go!' But there was honestly no way I'd have left my shy 3 year old in unfamiliar surroundings all by himself.

Yes probably but I would check with the host first as to whether they wanted help and parents to stay.

Yes I would but that's probably the minority view. I had a very confident, sociable child who was more than happy to be left.

Also when I hosted childrens' parties I much preferred it if the parents didn't stay - DH and I were Scout Leaders so well used to coping with lots of children - we would invite one or two parents to help - but having parents milling around, checking that their PFB got the biggest share of the birthday cake (yes, really ) etc is not my idea of fun.

Enjoy the party - last night my own PFB (now 15) when to his first teenage party on his own, took a couple of cans of lager and insisted on walking home .............. now I have different things to worry about - how times change .

f I'd left my eldest at that age, the host would have had to put up with him crying for the full duration. As it was, I usually spent the first hour or so of the party encouraging him to join in and come out of his shell. Bloody exhausting and really frustrating, but it seems to be working.
I had hoped that at 5 I could be more confident in leaving him, but he still struggles with the unfamiliar. We went to a party a few months ago in a place he knows well, but the games were new to him. Half an hour of me gently encouraging him to join in stopped the sulking and he enjoyed it in the end.
The irony was that I had not intended to stay, but was told on the day my toddler was invited too. Sigh. I'm desperate for him to grown out of his shyness.
I hope all goes well today op. At my sons 5th party, only one parent didn't stay - guess which child ended up in tears!

No, not in a village hall situation, especially if I didn't know the parents well. Someone left their DD for DD's 4th birthday party, wish a few people were about, but it was a small party at home and this girl had been to play several times.

Yes, if they were happy for me to do so.

Cigars, a friend of my DD1 (now 17) was like that. Her mother was always a bit apologetic that she had to stay. (We never minded, of course.)

This girl is now a happy confident girl in the lower sixth. Your DS really will grow out of it.

I think your approach is a good one. Don't "throw him in at the deep end", but allow him to experience something new in a safe environment, with you there to reassure and encourage him, if he needs it.

My own DD2 used to be very shy of ordering in a cafe. So, for a while, I would stand behind her while she did so. I didn't do it for her - I made her do it, but with me there for "backup". Now, she is fine with it (and knows the people in the cafe, and chats to them, and they know her regular order).

No.

Dd is 3.5. I would assume that we were supposed to stay at any party she is invited to at her age.

I wouldn't be prepared to leave her unless it was a very small party with people we know very well.

I was really surprised and a bit caught out by this at my 1st party hosting experience (DD1's 4th birthday so a lot of DC still only 3) It was in the village hall, nursery kids whose parents I mostly didn't know and I just assumed they'd all stay because I would have done but half of them didn't especially those with older sibs. I had grown up tea and coffee and all!
I managed to get phone numbers off most but not all of them.
One little boy was dropped off by his gran who had no mobile or way to be contacted and he was really miserable and unhappy, refused to join in and needed 1:1 attention the whole time. Fortunately I did have a lot of adult back up. My sister and B-I-L and my parents were really helpful. Dmum is a primary teacher and she played with the sad little boy the whole time.

Also had it the other way round where one mum still wanted to stay with her DD in Y3 where all other parents were dropping off (no SEN). It was a problem as we were going to a venue that charged entry and we'd only paid for DC and us not extra parents. Major awkward moment where I wondered if I'm obliged to pay for her (I think I did in the end to avoid embarrassment)

Once bitten twice shy and these days I make it very clear on the invite if I'm expecting folks to stay or not . If you do expect people to stay I think refreshments are required and that you also have to accept siblings as otherwise people won't be able to come. I now have a line to say siblings welcome but please let me know. This also from bitter experience where a mum turned up with 3 extra DC all expecting to be fed and join in, get party bags etc.

Best party I've hosted so far youngest DCs 4th last year in the back garden with a bouncy castle, BBQ and ice cream and beers/ wine for the parents. Older sibs welcome. Mix of parents I know and ones I don't. Didn't try very hard with organised games just let DC play. I felt it worked very well and I learnt that even kids parties are improved by a few glasses of wine.

Thanks sanity I'm wary of becoming "that" mother. When he does finally snap out of his wish to permanently glue himself to my leg then I back right off and leave him to it.

We had our little boy's 6th birthday party today - he is the oldest in his class (of 15 children) so all the others were 5 (will be 6 in the next couple of months). A few of the mums had said they would stay - but for different reasons they ended up leaving us to it ... to be fair we were in our local Scout Den which only has one exit door so it was easy to contain them, and because they are all in the same class at school they all know each other (and I am a parent help one morning a week so they know me too). Even so, we were quite glad that one Dad did stay, for moral support and help organising the games etc. Now I'm hoping we've got 14 child-free afternoons coming up over the next few months :-)
I like mamadoc's idea of making it a family thing with siblings welcome - maybe we'll go for that next year.

No I wouldn't. A few did for my dd's 4th birthday party last year, and those children were quite challenging. I guess their parents wanted a break but it made things a bit more stressful for the rest of us.

I remember an awful party dropper when they were 3 and 4.

She dropped at the door no number and the door to outside had to be policed....DC was bouncing off the walls and nearly sent the cake flying. All the other mums had to watch him. It was awful....take him to the loo.

She did the same at someone's party the next year and the mum asked for her number.

It's very difficult if you are going to be on your own. I would ring a couple of the friendlier mums/dads and ask if they can stay, or rope in your own relatives. I would stay in this situation, in fact I did when my dd was 6, I took her and a friend and saw the village hall and decided to stay, it was chaos, two exits and a road outside and I just knew the mum and dad wouldn't be able to supervise that many hysterical children all running around shrieking or taking any to the toilet if younger. I was one of the only ones to stay (it may have also influenced me that the parents were drinking...not sure I wanted a slightly drunk person keeping an eye on my child!)

I would get reinforcements now, or text them and let them know you need some stayers. I think it's incredible people will just throw a 3/4 year old through a village hall door and run off. It's not at all a great environment for proper supervision, and kids often bang themselves/fall over/bump heads on the bouncy castle, my then 6 year old had a horrible accident at a party a few years ago and needed to go home immediately for medical treatment- I think expecting one mum to sort all that out is just not on.

And those saying the mum should have organized enough 'cover'- isn't the onus on the parent to supervise their own child unless it's obvious they are going to be well supervised by someone else? Not all people have a host of other mums/relatives available, I have had to ask other mums to stay before as husband out of the country.

I think the child needs to be fully able to go to the loo and sort themselves out, very safe and wouldn't mind.
I probably wouldn't before 7 just because it is more hassle for the hosts.

Apologies - Cigar - I don't think shyness is something you can "snap out". Of course, Sanity's anecdotal evidence should reassure all of those with shy children.