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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if you'd leave your 3/4 year old alone at a party?

78 replies

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:07

Having sudden last minute doubts about this weekend's party plans. Would you leave your 3/4 year old alone at the party of someone whose mum you've chatted to at nursery pick up once or twice?

OP posts:

Original poster

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:33

I think year one is about the right age to start leaving them at parties personally. Do you think IABU if I ask them to stay? I have three children of my own plus my niece and nephew to supervise as their mum is ill as well as hosting the party, I can't supervise up to 15 other children too.

OP posts:

SaltMarshPirate · 27/05/2016 23:33

No, not a chance.

Original poster

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:35

I am a stranger to the majority of the parents and children. I presumed most people wouldn't leave such young children with a stranger BackforGood

OP posts:

Thunderblunder · 27/05/2016 23:35

Depends when you ask them to stay. If you had asked me on the day you would have been politely told no as I would have had the others with me. If you asked in advance then maybe I would have been able to sort something for my others or I would have declined the invitation.

inlovewithhubby · 27/05/2016 23:37

At 3 I wouldn't but at 4 I have. Know the mums from pre school drops and picks but no more. Parties small and at home and always left a contact number. Ime most party parents want the other parents to go away so they can get on with organising the party instead of making polite chit chat and cups of tea. But also depends on child - I'd never have left my shy first born as she was always on the edge of things but with my social butterfly second it's a different ball game. There's no right or wrong, it's up to you, your child and your host to all feel OK with what you're doing.

Cupoftchaiagain · 27/05/2016 23:37

Can u tempt them to stay with wine? 20 plus u- U sound brave!

Only1scoop · 27/05/2016 23:38

I didn't write parents must stay in invites at that age.

All parents just did

Xmasbaby11 · 27/05/2016 23:38

Dd is 4.5 and I wouldn't. She is quite anxious and would not be happy without Dh or I, even if she knew a few people. In any case it's not the done thing around here.

I can imagine, depending on the venue and the size, it might be fine for some 4 year olds.

IrishSea456 · 27/05/2016 23:38

I was at a 4yo's bday party recently where I was the only parent who stayed. There were 5 other children there, at a house, all 3 or 4.

So I wouldn't, but it seems others do.

BogOak · 27/05/2016 23:40

Yes, I did leave my just-turned-four-year-old at a party last weekend - the mother of the birthday child is someone I have only a pretty vague acquaintance with, but it was at their house, two minutes walk away, DS is a confident little beast and knew lots of the other children, and the mother had my mobile in case he suddenly soured on the situation. I think most people dropped and ran.

Would have been a different situation if it had been in the village hall - the other major local juvenile part venue - with far more possibility of a child wandering out onto the street unnoticed.

inlovewithhubby · 27/05/2016 23:43

Sorry partridge, saw last post and realised you are the host. Your party, your rules! But if it were me I'd get my 2/3 fave mums/dads and only ask them to stay and help - any more and you'll be overrun. As long as you have one grown up to every 3/4 kids you'll be fine I reckon? And won't have to make too much bloody tea...

Original poster

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:43

It also states on the invitation that there will be messy play involved so I really hope they stay as I can't be helping 20+ kids get cleaned up!

OP posts:

Original poster

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:47

I don't usually do tea making, I do 'please feel free to help yourself if you need anything' It's a messy play party so I want the parents to stay to help their DC to enjoy it, not necessarily to help me. However I won't be able to lock the exit and it's out of sight near the toilets so I'm nervous because I can't possibly supervise so many children properly unless I hire a doorman!

OP posts:

inlovewithhubby · 27/05/2016 23:48

Can you text/email people now to quickly clarify? I think it's a reasonable request at this age, for this venue, for this activity, but people need to be forewarned just in case. You may get some siblings too if parents required to stay.

gallicgirl · 27/05/2016 23:49

I'd expect parents to stay until about age 7 or so. There's no way I'd leave my 5 year old even if I knew the parents well.

purplefox · 27/05/2016 23:50

I left my 4 yr old at parties, and a lot of parents left theirs at my DSs party, its the norm here.

Balletgirlmum · 27/05/2016 23:51

Mine are older now but I would have left dd who has always been very independent but not ds who was liable to meltdowns.

MimsyBorogroves · 27/05/2016 23:52

Absolutely not. He wouldn't want to ask to use the toilet. He wouldn't want anyone else to pass him food. He would be overwhelmed with me there, let alone without me there.

DS1 would have been fine at that age, but I still wouldn't have considered it. I started leaving him at parties at age 6 if they were at people's homes. Halls or soft plays I still stayed until 7.

Original poster

partridgeappletree · 27/05/2016 23:54

It's at 11 tomorrow morning inlove

I did say to a few parents that siblings are welcome so hopefully those ones will understand that I expect them to stay.

OP posts:

Dixiebell · 28/05/2016 06:23

Ds1 is 5, in Year R. Most parents stay at parties still. Some go. DS is sensible and confident and would be fine to be left but for me it'd depend on the venue and number of kids. Small number in someone's house, okay. Whole class of 30 kids at an external venue, I'd want to stay still.

curren · 28/05/2016 06:45

Ds is in reception. Parents all stay.

But when Dd was in reception many parents did. One parent dropped her child off and left. It then became clear that the child's birthday was the same day and the mother had told her it was her party too. When they sat down to eat the child wanted her own 'birthday chair' and had a break down when there was only one cake.

I bought her a small bun (all that was available) and put I candle in it for her. But she was still crying when her mum picked her. Her mum was not happy her Dd 'had been treated in this way'. I am not backwards at coming forwards and told her straight.

It really put a downer on the whole thing.

It taught me, that you never know what to expect. As a result I always have asked my mum and dad to attended parties if they can so there are more adults, just in case.

Tigresswoods · 28/05/2016 06:54

No. I have an independent happy child but I never left him at parties until he was at school.

RoganJosh · 28/05/2016 06:58

I wouldn't leave my child in those circumstances. But I would reply saying 'thanks for the invitation, Sam would love to come'. I wouldn't mention me as I'd think it would be obvious.

Bythepath · 28/05/2016 07:20

I will be honest and say i don't enjoy kids parties so for 4yrs and under I try to take another child (normally my neighbour) to one and their parents do the next etc. Round here it is ok to leave from reception onwards, at my DD1's 5th party nobody stayed.

ScarletForYa · 28/05/2016 07:22

Nope.

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