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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH pissed off at me, WIBU?

91 replies

YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 20:23

DH finished work early today, but we had nothing planned. I posted a while ago that he doesn't do bedtime for our DD, 11 months, due to work. I helped him do bedtime aka I did it and he watched, a little earlier than usual as DD was especially tired.

A friend then text me to say her son, who's 9, was playing in a cricket match at the club a 5 minute walk from me, she was alone and wanted company (she's a LP) so invited me to join her. DH said I was ok to leave DD with him, but I didn't know what time I'd be back.

I never ever go out at night as DH isn't usually back from work until 8/8.30pm and I'm usually in with DD, and on the nights he's not working he does his hobby until 8pm so it was lovely to be out enjoying myself. We got chatting, and then my friends sister and her two children who I also know joined us and we just lost track of time and before I knew it the match was over. When I checked the time I'd been out nearly 2 hours and had 3 texts and 2 missed calls from DH demanding to know when I'd be back.

When I got back home I may have taken my time a little and spoke to my DH he was annoyed that I'd been out so long and left him home. My DD slept through the whole thing, so he literally was just sat watching netflix on his computer and not much else. He told me it wasn't fair to just spring it on him like that and what if DD had woken up and got upset -forgetting the fact I was 5 minutes down the road had he needed me and he has my friends and her sisters numbers if he couldn't get hold of me

I now feel guilty that I had a good time without my DH and DD. It probably won't happen again as DH is rarely home from work early enough to do something like that again.

So WIBU to spend 2hours of my day watching a cricket game while my DH stayed home with DD?

OP posts:

MrsRyanGosling15 · 27/05/2016 22:18

There really isn't a nice way to call someone a doormat but you really need to make a decision. Are you going to allow yourself to permit this shit? I know I only know the info you have posted but it actually seems he is controlling you with this behaviour. Controlling where you can go,for how long and at what time. And this will effect his relationship with his dd in the long term. I think it's time you try and stand up for yourself and put an end to this. 3 txt and 2 calls in 2 hours is ridiculous. I doubt my dh wouldn't have even realised I was gone at that stage .

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/05/2016 22:25

Omg, you have to ask? Of course YWNBU.

StarTastic · 27/05/2016 22:26

I agree with making it more regular and him getting used to it. I used to be in a similar position but now Dcs are 8 and 6 if I mention a night out dp encourages me. He used to be nervous With the kids when They were small but you have to have a life and go out in the evening with friends. Your not only a mum but a person

StarTastic · 27/05/2016 22:27

Oh no *You're

Original poster

YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 22:30

Thank you everyone for your opinions, I admit that maybe I've let this happen but do plan to make it a more regular thing. DH's hobby doesn't start til 5pm on his days so I might try once a week/fortnight to go out without him and leave DD with him.

OP posts:

Ameliablue · 27/05/2016 22:33

Sounds like he needs to be left with her more often so he learns not to panic

KitKats28 · 27/05/2016 22:44

Why should men have to learn not to panic whereas it is the default for women?

StarTastic · 27/05/2016 22:45

This is just something you need to explore and decide what you want to do, it's nothing awful, but time to decide what you want and make some changes. Be honest with each other and listen to each other.

urkidding · 27/05/2016 22:49

This is my view: Plan your time out, in the same way he plans his hobbies and time out. Go to classes, possibly? And show him anything he needs to know. A few times if necessary. Write it down if necessary.
There is little point in having an argument about the past, but set out what you need in the future!

isindecherryblossom · 27/05/2016 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 27/05/2016 23:17

Good post cherry

SkaterGrrrrl · 27/05/2016 23:18

OP this is no way to live. Your DH needs to man up and do his fair share.

There is no way I could tolerate a partner like this.

yummycake123 · 27/05/2016 23:19

Why would you have to apologise? You didn't do anything wrong, you are entitled to go out on your own sometimes, while he looks after your/his daughter!
YANBU, but he's being an arse...

Lilacpink40 · 27/05/2016 23:22

Does he like to know where you are at other times too? Dislikes your friends and family visiting? Just wondering if there's a wider control issue. If not, he may just need reassurance that he is a good dad.

Original poster

YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 23:32

lilacpink He loves my friends, thinks they're really good fun and encourages me to spend time with them. My family not so much but he never stops me seeing them, he just tries to not come unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:

Baconyum · 27/05/2016 23:54

I've been in your position op. Scarily he is now a sahd (got sacked!) but not to my child!

So much in your posts that concern me

Your conditioning by your own parents

Your mil supporting this

5 contacts in 2 hours!!!!

THREE nights a week when HE gets me time but you only get ONE and that's not really me time

I suspect he's also working against you getting a job (but has managed to convince you otherwise)

At the VERY LEAST he needs to ditch one night of hobby night and get his arse home so you CAN GO OUT AND DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE! the idea that you need an 'excuse' such as a hobby of your own or an eve class is still capitulating to his idea that mothers must ALWAYS be doing something 'worthy'.

Upon returning home in your position I have given him both barrels! He's your husband not your owner!

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