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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH pissed off at me, WIBU?

91 replies

YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 20:23

DH finished work early today, but we had nothing planned. I posted a while ago that he doesn't do bedtime for our DD, 11 months, due to work. I helped him do bedtime aka I did it and he watched, a little earlier than usual as DD was especially tired.

A friend then text me to say her son, who's 9, was playing in a cricket match at the club a 5 minute walk from me, she was alone and wanted company (she's a LP) so invited me to join her. DH said I was ok to leave DD with him, but I didn't know what time I'd be back.

I never ever go out at night as DH isn't usually back from work until 8/8.30pm and I'm usually in with DD, and on the nights he's not working he does his hobby until 8pm so it was lovely to be out enjoying myself. We got chatting, and then my friends sister and her two children who I also know joined us and we just lost track of time and before I knew it the match was over. When I checked the time I'd been out nearly 2 hours and had 3 texts and 2 missed calls from DH demanding to know when I'd be back.

When I got back home I may have taken my time a little and spoke to my DH he was annoyed that I'd been out so long and left him home. My DD slept through the whole thing, so he literally was just sat watching netflix on his computer and not much else. He told me it wasn't fair to just spring it on him like that and what if DD had woken up and got upset -forgetting the fact I was 5 minutes down the road had he needed me and he has my friends and her sisters numbers if he couldn't get hold of me

I now feel guilty that I had a good time without my DH and DD. It probably won't happen again as DH is rarely home from work early enough to do something like that again.

So WIBU to spend 2hours of my day watching a cricket game while my DH stayed home with DD?

OP posts:
Octonought · 27/05/2016 21:04

YANBU but your DP is. He has to learn and should be left alone with your DD whilst she is awake sometimes. Totally out of order - I'd be livid.

LindyHemming · 27/05/2016 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 21:08

Octonought You're right, he will take her out sometimes, but often to his mums where he sits and plays on his phone while she looks after DD, so will have words and try and make this more regular

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 27/05/2016 21:09

He needs to get a grip and realise he is being required to look after his own child briefly, not an entire primary school.

EveryoneElsie · 27/05/2016 21:10

If he is afraid of picking up his daughter then you can help him learn. We all go through that awkward 'holds a baby like a sack of onions stage'.

But we get over it and manage. Some of use even learn to like it. Smile

pictish · 27/05/2016 21:11

I'd be livid too...being chased up like an errant employee or some sort of entertainments officer. What a baby.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/05/2016 21:12

Is that a typo and you meant to say 12 hours?

IrregularCommentary · 27/05/2016 21:13

Why should he not be alone with his dd? What a bizarre concept of fatherhood he has.

YADNBU for going out for a couple of hours (or longer if you want!) but this does seem like behaviour you need to address sooner rather than later.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2016 21:15

Why are you babying this pathetic manchild ?

Original poster
YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 21:16

IrregularCommentary It's not that he doesn't want to be alone with her it's just circumstances have dictated that he's not alone with her very often.

He works til 8/8.30pm 4 nights a week but we do get equal "downtime" it's just mine is when he's at work so MIL has DD, and his is his hobby three nights a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 21:16

He's unconfident being on his own with her I think, will try and find a way to make it a more regular thing that he has her alone.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 27/05/2016 21:17

He is being a dick.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2016 21:17

So, between his wife and his mother he is excused parenting duties

Sweet

Greenyogagirl · 27/05/2016 21:19

For the other 3 nights he does his hobby?
This sounds really weird to me, he could have his hobby time after work and be a dad the 3 nights he's home to put dd to bed. When he should be parenting he runs home to mummy. Then has the audacity to text and call you because what? Because dd MIGHT wake up?
Obviously we only get a snippet but he sounds very controlling, very childish and unwilling to actually be a parent I'm afraid

VimFuego101 · 27/05/2016 21:19

What happened if (God forbid) you were rushed to hospital or called away to a family emergency? He needs to learn to deal with her at bedtime and if she wakes in the night.

Crisscrosscranky · 27/05/2016 21:20

YANBU. He's not looked after her for 2 hours on his own in 11 months?!

MammaTJ · 27/05/2016 21:20

When DD1 (not DPs child) was 11, DD2 was 15 months and DS was 3 months, I got rushed to hospital for emergency surgery, I was in hospital for nearly a week but nobody was stressed because DP knew the DCs routines, was a part of them and knew what needed doing when!

I would like everyone to have this situation, although I realise with full time +++++ workers this is not possible!

My DP does and always has worked full time, btw!!

There is no excuse for this nonsense and you need to make that clear!

Ask him what he would do if you were rushed to hospital!!

Tell him he need to practice just in case!

Froginapan · 27/05/2016 21:20

He's an unreasonable arse.

ChicRock · 27/05/2016 21:21

Do yourself a favour, don't have any more children with him. He sounds utterly useless.

topcat2014 · 27/05/2016 21:21

God, I would be embarrassed to even do that - if you can't look after your own child, then you can't really call yourself a father, can you.

MammaTJ · 27/05/2016 21:21

Great x post with VimFuego101!

HappyNevertheless · 27/05/2016 21:21

If he is unconfident to be on his own with her, then he needs to learn. And the way to learn is to be on his own with her.

TBH, I don't think it had anything to do with your dd. I think he was at home stuck because she was sleeping and he was ressentful/annoyed that you were having a good time whilst he was n his own.
I get the feeling this never happens to him and he found it hard to swallow.

PhoebeGeebee · 27/05/2016 21:23

If he works til 8/8.30pm, what time is he starting work on those days? Does he help out before going to work?

bigbuttons · 27/05/2016 21:27

He sounds like my ex. She is his child too. Don't let him continue with this behaviour.

Original poster
YumBountyChoc · 27/05/2016 21:29

PhoebeGeebee He starts work at 11am but leaves house at between 10 and 10.30 finishes at 7/7.15ish but as he's a manager usually ends up doing something else before leaving so gets back about 8/8.30.

He usually gets up in the morning with DD and gives her her first feed, so I get a lie-in as she wakes up in the early hours a few times.

OP posts: