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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not answer my door when I'm not expecting anyone

111 replies

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 19:40

Am I the only person that does this? I live alone with my young son and all my friends know that if they come to my door I won't answer unless I know it's them and know they're coming! I wouldn't say I was super paranoid but I do always thing of consequences of things and do maybe over think things like I've seen in the news, people pushing their way into your home, I remember a while ago in the news a woman opened her door wth her baby in her arms and someone threw acid in her face, random attack,

A while ago an old friend who lives in my village was walking his dog past my house and knocked, it wasn't late but was dark, my curtains were closed so I couldn't see who it was, I wasn't expecting anyone, so I didn't answer, he messaged me later on and was actually pretty pissed off, I explained obvs I didn't know it was him and would have answered had I know, but he thought I was stupid for being cautious and seemed to take it personally even though it wasn't! 🤔

I'd be interested to know if other people do this? It just seems like common safety sense to me!

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 27/05/2016 22:11

If it's the weekend I don't answer the door, it could be my sister in law and her mob as they're often in the area then and will sometimes just drop by. Just need to train my husband not to open it.

Sanchar · 27/05/2016 22:14

I won't answer the door after dark in winter and 'closing time' (6pm-ish) in summer if dh is away. It's unlikely to be the postie or courier, and it won't be friends or family as they would've rang to make sure that I was in.

So it's likely to be chuggers or muggers.

chilledwarmth · 27/05/2016 22:17

I think it is a little bit unreasonable, I'm not going to criticize as it's your choice but I don't see what the problem is. If it's someone you don't want, turn them away? Bit curious Sanchar why you specifically don't answer if your husband is away, and presumably do answer if he is here lol.

Joystir · 27/05/2016 22:29

I never answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone.

chilledwarmth · 27/05/2016 22:31

Is there a specific reason why not Joystir? I guess you don't have any obligation to but I'm curious why not.

WizzardHat · 27/05/2016 22:40

I have done and it's always been chuggers or people trying to tell me about politics. I live on the second floor, my friends know to text or call if they want me to come down and let them in.

I do answer the door if it's postman/deliveries time. But not much in the evening now.

MargaretCabbage · 27/05/2016 22:46

YANBU. I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone either. We have a spy hole though.

When I was 19 and had moved into my first house I once answered the door and it was a drunk man covered in blood, asking for money. It really scared me, so I don't always answer the door now.

Original poster
Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 22:51

chilledwarmth personally the reasons I don't answer the door are
A) I can't see out to see who it is
B) anyone I know would know to text/ring/call out their name
C) what good reason could someone have knocking on my door at night unannounced
D) following on from D could I potentially (admittedly unlikely) be putting myself and my DS in danger by allowing an unknown person access to my house? Might be unlikely but it does happen that people become victims of crime by opening their door to a stranger

personally it sort of follows along the same lines of 'don't walk alone at night in unfamiliar places, don't get in unmarked taxis, don't leave your drinks unattended in clubs etc chances of doing these thing and ending up in danger because of them is low but it does happen to some people! Better to be safe than sorry!

Plus I've recently watched Luther, so am currently living in the mindset of checking under my bed every night before bed! 😂

OP posts:
Wheresthewine36 · 27/05/2016 22:59

You're not being unreasonable at all. Your home is your family personal space, you don't have to answer the door if you don't want to. I am.not a.fan of people "popping round" unannounced and miles it is a close friend or I think it may be an emergency, I don't answer the door. I had a Virgin Media salesman knock on my door last week. I looked through the spy hole, saw who it was (Virgin Media clipboard) and decided not to answer. He then walked around the side of my house, knocked on my window and called out "I know you're home, I can hear your music". I opened the window, congratulated him on his observational skills and asked him if he could perhaps deduce from the fact that I didn't open the door that I wasn't interested in what he was flogging! Cheeky sod :-D

chilledwarmth · 27/05/2016 23:13

Because it would have been much harder to just open the door and say you weren't interested, rather than go through all that?

NicknameUsed · 27/05/2016 23:33

"I'm genuinely baffled by this. Never really considered not answering my door (or phone)"

Same here. People who knock unexpectedly at our door tend to be friends, people delivering something or someone calling for DD. We live a bit off the beaten track and we very rarely get chuggers or undesirables calling round our neighbourhood.

Most landline callers tend to be family, so we always answer the phone.

pimsandlemonade · 28/05/2016 00:13

I totally get you Torchlight
And that episode of Luther was super creepy! Thanks for reminding meConfused
Also, don't watch Criminal Minds!
Lots of cases are home invasions, i used to watch it with DH last year, but now that we live in a house (as opposed to a flat before) and dH works away a lot ... No way

I'm actually quite relaxed about opening the door during the day, we get deliveries frequently so can't always tell if I'm expecting one specifically but maybe I should be. We do live in a fairly safe little town though. The worst i had was hello fresh sales lady who really didn't want to give up and even invited herself in...

DefinitelyNotAJourno · 28/05/2016 00:16

I just a video doorbell. Www.ring.com

It's handy when in bed i can see who is at the door before speaking to them. It works on my mobile, so I can answer it when out shopping too :) very useful for telling visitors I'll be back in 5 or to leave something somewhere :)

Myusernameismyusername · 28/05/2016 00:17

I have a door buzzer and we always scream a little and then spy out of the window. Me no like it

Wheresthewine36 · 28/05/2016 01:48

chilledwarmth If someone answer the door, they're either not in or don't want to be disturbed - walking around their property to knock on windows is downright rude, especially if you're trying to sell them something!

Wheresthewine36 · 28/05/2016 01:51

Torchlight, Luther has given me many a nightmare...am also now terrified of my loft Shock

Shannyfanny · 28/05/2016 02:04

no yanbu i do not do this either. Today had some man banging down my door have no clue who it was and im in no debt. Really disrespectful but banging down my door will make me not want to answer it more.

piccadillyline · 28/05/2016 02:32

YANBU OP. Luckily I have a small window I can open by my front door so I can talk to people through that if necessary.

I don't even open the door to delivery men if i'm alone- I ask them to leave the parcel by the door and they pass me their pad if they need me to sign for anything/for me to pass money through if it's food.

GarlicSteak · 28/05/2016 03:11

Blimey.

I clicked on your thread to say I switch my doorbell (and phones) off at least 50% of the time. I have crappy health conditions that mean I'm often not up to seeing anyone, even the postie! But when I read your reasons, I was a bit Shock Shock Confused

These are extreme fears. And, no matter what precautions you take, it's totally impossible to prevent anything bad happening ever. Being this scared of unlikely events must be very stressful. I think you need to focus your efforts where you can improve your safety in real terms and, at the same time, feel more confident that you know what you're doing.

My recommendations for starters:
A door camera
"The Gift of Fear", a fantastic book that will teach you how to identify real threats while ignoring 'nervous' fears.

And chill out a bit.

I'm the axe-murderer! I live nowhere near you, you're safe (for now, mwahahaha)

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 28/05/2016 05:56

When my husband is out I often don't answer to strangers.

I have a front door to stop strangers wandering into my house, a knock at the door isn't a summons to open it.

We do have a peep hole which helps- could you get one OP?- and if it's a male stranger I don't answer if DH is out.

Seems a sensible precaution to me, not paranoia.

If I don't answer to a genuine caller (who isn't a friend who phones me, or someone calling out for help) what is the worst that could happen? I miss an opportunity to become a Jehovah's Witness? The gas company have to actually call me about a meter reading rather than just send someone round? I don't get a spiel from our Lib Dem candidate? Not worth the risk or the bother.

curren · 28/05/2016 06:22

We have a really secure front chain on the door. It's a new build house and the door and chain was specifically built to with stand someone trying to ram it open.

But also, our living room is on the first floor so I pop my head out of the first floor window. If it's the gas man or some such I asked them to post their Id.

Not many people, I don't want to speak to knock at the door.

NicknameUsed · 28/05/2016 08:18

Only on mn do I come across people who don't answer their door or phone. Health issues aside you are an unsociable lot. I never come across people like this in real life.

Do none of you have children with friends who come knocking?

wineandcheeseplease · 28/05/2016 08:21

Yanbu. I have a cctv camera so can see who it is and often don't answer!

Original poster
Torchlight86 · 28/05/2016 08:59

Garlicsteak I'm not a walking terrified wreck, but I'm realistic, sometimes bad things happen, yes it's unlikely to be something sinister but why take the risk? I know it's not a friend or family member and as I stated its only at night when it's dark and I'm not expecting anyone!

Tell me if I'm totally irrational, why is every home ever built in the uk, no matter whether in a 'rough' or 'nice' area have built in locks? Does that make everyone irrational for recognising the risk of theft or home invasion and taking steps to protect against such things? Hmm

OP posts:
SomethingLike · 28/05/2016 09:11

YANBU I wouldn't answer if I wasn't expecting anyone and not just from a safety perspective I don't like unexpected house guests it's rude not to call ahead.