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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not answer my door when I'm not expecting anyone

111 replies

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 19:40

Am I the only person that does this? I live alone with my young son and all my friends know that if they come to my door I won't answer unless I know it's them and know they're coming! I wouldn't say I was super paranoid but I do always thing of consequences of things and do maybe over think things like I've seen in the news, people pushing their way into your home, I remember a while ago in the news a woman opened her door wth her baby in her arms and someone threw acid in her face, random attack,

A while ago an old friend who lives in my village was walking his dog past my house and knocked, it wasn't late but was dark, my curtains were closed so I couldn't see who it was, I wasn't expecting anyone, so I didn't answer, he messaged me later on and was actually pretty pissed off, I explained obvs I didn't know it was him and would have answered had I know, but he thought I was stupid for being cautious and seemed to take it personally even though it wasn't! 🤔

I'd be interested to know if other people do this? It just seems like common safety sense to me!

OP posts:

oldestmumaintheworld · 27/05/2016 20:34

Good lord why the paranoia? I've never come across a bigger bunch of numptys. What on earth do you think is going to happen? I suggest you look at the crime statistics to give you all some perspective. The group most at risk of crime? Young men aged 16 - 24. Who hurts women at home? Their partners. So why worry about answering the door unless its to your husband.

Abraid2 · 27/05/2016 20:35

I always answer my door.

Only answer landline if number is recognised, though.

Lilacpink40 · 27/05/2016 20:36

oldest I think this is precaution rather than paranoia.

Original poster

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 20:36

I wonder if it's down to watching a lot of crime programs too? Be interested to know if the people who do always open their door maybe don't watch as many things like that? Lol

Don't get me wrong I'm not a jibbering mess sat at home alone, I'm a fully functioning independent SM, but my thought process is more along the lines of 'if it's important they will shout, ring me etc, if it's not important they will leave and if it's a murderer or burglar or cold caller etc I've just saved myself a load of hassle!' 😂

My general process of reactions when someone knocks is as follows

Stop moving
Look at the door
Check phone for messages from friends saying they're coming
Wait an extended period of time
Army crawl upstairs and look out the window see if someone's leaving
Go back downstairs turn off telly and go to bed!! 😂😂😂 good excuse for an early night 😂

OP posts:

MaisieDotes · 27/05/2016 20:37

During the day I'll always answer as I'm usually expecting some sort of delivery or other. I hate it if it then turns out to be a friend "just passing".

The very reasons that I'm at home during the day and need to do all my shopping on line- i.e. a 21mo & a 4mo- are also the reasons why my house is not suitable for public consumption right now. Go away! We're knee-high in nappies around here and the place probably smells of poo!

I wouldn't answer at night if I was on my own in the house.

VulcanWoman · 27/05/2016 20:38

old what good comes of answering the door to randoms, they're usually selling their wares or selling their religion, I don't want either of the F'in stuff.

Marynary · 27/05/2016 20:38

I usually answer the door unless I think it is someone selling something or Jevovah's witness. Although I answer if it is dark and late (e.g. after 10), I do feel nervous about it so understand why you don't.

Lilacpink40 · 27/05/2016 20:40

I don't get too many cold callers with this sign. Picked it up from a local library.

AIBU to not answer my door when I'm not expecting anyone

GabsAlot · 27/05/2016 20:41

nah i dont answer the door have too many jw's or chairites knocking round here gets on my tits

if its the police u ask for their id

chanice · 27/05/2016 20:43

It's not being scared to answer. It's the having to drop everything to answer. Or a baby being woken up by a unwanted knock. It's different if it's expected and wanted.
The postman being the only exception and he doesn't bang the door down either.
Also sometimes it'll take me a while to answer the door and the impatient knocks of someone that isn't wanted pisses me off.

ScarletForYa · 27/05/2016 20:45

I never answer it. It could be somebody!

My doorbell doesn't work and we lock the porch when we get in, so nobody can knock anyway.

I just don't want to be disturbed.

Original poster

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 20:45

In today’s world, I think it is always better to be on the safe side and NOT blindly open the door for just anyone. think of it this way, what good reason could a stranger be knocking on your door for at night? What sinister reason could someone be knocking on your door at night? I can think of no good reasons and plenty of bad reasons, therefore imo it's common sense to exercise precaution!

I'd rather be a numpy with all my possessions still intact and my and my DS safe and sound than whatever the opposite of a numpy is with a baseball bat round my head or a knife in my face and all my thigs stolen, or worse still an awkward conversation with a charity worker! 😏

OP posts:

witsender · 27/05/2016 20:45

I'm not paranoid, at all. I just don't like unnecessary interruptions.

Original poster

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 20:56

Also as a side note, once my curtains are drawn at night I am usually in my pjs, make up off, hair scraped back etc, no good can ever come of someone seeing me in this state! 😂

OP posts:

FlowersAndShit · 27/05/2016 20:58

I live alone and also have a druggie neighbour who has all sorts of dodgy people going back and forth. I had a knock on the door at around 9.30pm the other night and was worried because my first thought was something bad had happened. I rang my mum to see if it was her, it wasn't. I didn't answer it and later found out that it was my other nice neighbour telling me about a parcel. I told him I don't answer if i'm not expecting someone and he said he doesn't either.

I just don't feel safe doing so, especially at night and because I live alone.

Original poster

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 20:59

For everyone saying we're paranoid or stupid, the police seem to think it's common sense! :)

OP posts:

NavyAndWhite · 27/05/2016 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 27/05/2016 21:01

I'm not in the least bit paranoid. I'm lazy. I cba pausing TV etc to go and open the door to some uninvited random selling or canvassing or trying to get me to change my religion. Living in a block of flats we get quite a few cold callers

Ankleswingers · 27/05/2016 21:12

YADNBU. Ime you can't be too careful. Not ever.
My friend was alone at home with her 3 year old DD.

There was a knock at the door and my friend opened it to find a man stating he had come to read the meter. My friend twigged immediately that this wasn't right... He wasn't dressed in any sort of uniform, no ID etc and ,not only that , but she had already had the meter read just over a week ago.

My friend managed to slam the door shut just in time, as the man lurched forward to push it open. If she hadn't have thought as quickly on her feet and acted the way she did, then the thought of what might have happened is terrifying.

Fortunately, she has a CCTV camera installed by the entrance to her house so she took the footage to the police. This was v recent so they are still looking into it.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with OP.

crazywriter · 27/05/2016 21:57

I don't answer the door but it's more because the only people coming unexpectedly are JWs and charity people or SNP during election time (only SNP!). I don't want to stand and chat at my door with any of them and they usually knock during my working hours or just as I've got the wee one to sleep.

Notannabell · 27/05/2016 22:02

I've told my DD to make a lot of noise and run if she's in danger. And knock to the nearest door for help if there's no one on the street.

After reading this thread, I am going to have another chat with her as clearly in the UK there is no point seeking help without a notice.

confuugled1 · 27/05/2016 22:04

Agreed, I don't like opening the door if I don't know that somebody's coming...

However, my mum was at home a few years ago, doorbell went when she was in the bathroom upstairs so she finished up and rushed to a window to call down to them to find out who it was and what they wanted. It was a large white estate car, three smartly dressed people, all of them out of the car, one said they were lost and wondered if she could tell them how to get to a place nearby. She gave them directions (still yelling from the upstairs window), they said thank you and went on their way.

Next day at the hairdressers - big gossip. Several burglaries had taken place the previous day, only clue they had to go on was that a neighbour had spotted a large white estate car outside a house that they later discovered had been burgled... So seems that Mum was lucky that she got to at least look out of the window and for the burglars to see that she was in, otherwise I suspect that they would all have had a nasty shock. Particularly scary for her as the house was set back from the road and no immediate neighbours, certainly not within easy shouting distance, not a lot traffic passing by. And luckily for the police she was able to give them quite a lot of details about the people that stopped at her house - turned out it was the burglars, her details helped to provide info towards getting them caught.

But it just goes to show that not answering the door can sometimes be just as problematic as answering it!

DippyHippy2016 · 27/05/2016 22:06

I sometimes don't want to answer the door even when I am expecting visitors

YANBU

Original poster

Torchlight86 · 27/05/2016 22:11

Notannabell I'm sure if someone was banging on my door requiring help, in need of assistance I would act accordingly, I'm fairly confident most people on here who have said they wouldn't open their door to a stranger wouldn't leave someone outside in danger while they sit supping their cup of tea with not a care in the world!

I think it's clear were talking about a calm 'knock knock' type caller not someone banging on the door shouting, indicating they're in danger etc

OP posts:

karigan · 27/05/2016 22:11

I wouldnt think twice about answering my door. But then again we are a very open house- we have several friends living on the same street so we tend to have at least two or three unannounced visitors each evening. I get a bit irritated having to race downstairs to answer the door so once we get home from work until we go to bed we leave the door on the latch and our friends just walk in - and vice versa. If we don't want to be disturbed then we leave the door locked and if someone can't get in they just walk home and don't bother knocking. (Usually in case of illness/date night etc)
I don't feel unsafe at all. We're in a quite small Northern city and whilst there is obviously some crime- it's restricted to the 'bad' (but very tame in general terms) areas of the city and even then tends to be people having their sheds broken into/bikes nicked. I've never heard of anyone having their house broken into/intruder in this area of the city.

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