My mother is coming tomorrow to stay for a week. This is giving me slight panicky feelings and no doubt by bedtime I'll have come out in hives.
As a bit of background, my mother is, shall we say, extremely difficult. Think Monica's mum in Friends, but worse.
I could write a book about why this is, but I'll use a few short examples.
Firstly it's the constant petty criticism. From the way I wear my hair (why can't I dye it brown and have a nice short Bob, blonde is so tacky) to my parenting skills (why have you never taught her that it's rude to put your elbows on the table). DD is 3.
Last time she was here she offered beforehand to babysit for us so me and DH could have a date night (she stipulated the date night, not us). When it came down to it, my friend had a spare concert ticket for an 80s artist I'd been dying to see since childhood at our local arena, and DH got an offer to watch football at his friends who has BT Sports. So rather than a date night we arranged to do that instead. We'd only be a few hours each, same as if we did have a date night. Mum was royally pissed off about it. She said she wouldn't have offered to babysit if she knew we were going out with friends and not each other 
. She babysat begrudgingly and lectured me the next morning because I had 2 glasses of wine the night before. I'm 29.
This is quite consistent with her thinking, she thinks a woman should serve her husband and that friends are useless when you're married (unless they are wives of your husband's friends). She actually told my brother's lovely wife, who is a SAHM looking after a toddler and home schooling her son who has additional needs, that when my brother comes home from work she should have a cake baking in the oven 
as "that's what a good wife does". I am a militant feminist and do not share this thinking, it ends up with quite a few disagreements.
It may not sound too bad, but there's so much more, if it's not criticism it's the constant passive aggressive attitude, a snobbish intolerance of other people, and the fawning about how utterly amazing my brother is. My brother is a lovely man, but if he cooks for his wife she acts like he's saved a child from drowning. She once told me "at least with your brother I have one child who's nice".
Strangely if you asked her she'd tell you we were best friends and closer than any mother and daughter ever. Because of the way she is, I end up being polite for ages, then it gets to me and I snap at her over one little thing. Which is not great, I know. But then I'm very much "the bad guy" and for the next two weeks she'll constantly reference how easily upset i am and how I need to control my anger.
I really would love to have a close relationship with her, and have tried endlessly, but she makes it so hard with her insistence that she's never wrong, and won't compromise on anything.
I did once tell her sincerely how she made me feel, years ago, but it ended in a very long guilt trip on her part, wi h absolutely nothing changing. However, during this coming visit I'll be turning 30 and I'd really like to have a nice birthday weekend without her winding me up. I'm also pregnant (which she expressed her disgust at, I posted about it in chat) meaning I'm insanely tired and suffering badly from morning sickness, dizziness and nausea. All. The. Time 
. I can't be bothered with her snarky attitude on top of all this. She rang me yesterday, arranging to meet at a shopping centre at 11am, and she said "can you cope with getting up so early on a weekend?". This is because on a Saturday I like to have a lie-in til 9am, and in my mother's world this is considered super lazy. I should be up at 5am martyring about the house. I've had to have words with her before about how, when she stays, she knocks on our bedroom door at 7am asking why we're not up yet (doesn't want us back o miss out on the day apparently).
DH has said that the second she starts with her bad attitude or criticism (which, knowing my mother, will be 2 minutes within us greeting each other) I need to lay down the law, say that this weekend is my birthday weekend, on top of being constantly ill, I want a pleasant visit so the criticisms and PA attitude must stop right now. If I don't do this, I'll end up just silently taking it whilst seething inside for a week. She'll most likely go on a huff, but i would actually prefer that than me huffing all week for once.
WIBU to do what DH says?