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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece's new baby - no invite to visit

57 replies

Thepinklampshade · 27/05/2016 17:12

So out niece had a new baby in December and we sent a lovely and expensive gift and told her that we understood she had loads of people visiting at the moment and we'd wait until she was ready and to just give us a call when she felt up to it. So this was in December sent a gift at xmas etc. No invite came. Saw her with the baby at a family function in february and we weren't even offered a hold and baby remained firmly fastened in pram. It's now the end of may and we've not seen them since. I'm gutted I was so excited to be a great aunt and I feel so hurt that she's chosen to do this.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 27/05/2016 17:14

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LindyHemming · 27/05/2016 17:14

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SmallBee · 27/05/2016 17:16

Could you invite them to visit you?

MinnowAndTheBear · 27/05/2016 17:16

I agree with PP; it's for you to make a more specific request to visit on a given date etc.

RiverTam · 27/05/2016 17:16

Have you spoken to your sister or brother (you say she's your niece) to ask how they are? They may have just forgotten to invite you over!

BackforGood · 27/05/2016 17:18

Same as the others. I wouldn't expect a formal invitation, I'd have given her a quick ring in January, asked how she was getting on, and asked if it would be OK for me to pop over on Tuesday / the weekend / whenever.

< Off to look for her thread now about how family are standoffish and haven't been to visit new baby in the 5 months since she's been here >

Pinkheart5915 · 27/05/2016 17:20

Are you close to your niece? If your not that's probably why no invite has come.

You could always give her a call/email and ask if she'd like to meet up on a certain day even for a coffee or lunch

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 27/05/2016 17:26

An invite? She will have forgotten what you said!

Send a text and ask how they are getting on and of they are free any specific time.

QOD · 27/05/2016 17:29

Oh I remember feeling like that when my latest fgreat neice was born.
Agree with the others, email or text and say "I'd like to come ♡ date and see baby and you"

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/05/2016 17:31

I assume you regularly ask your sibling how they're doing and say you'd love to see them. Are they away over the bank holiday? Give them a call.

HallowedMimic · 27/05/2016 17:31

Were you close before the baby was born?

tiktok · 27/05/2016 17:32

Oh dear. OP it sounds like you are looking to be offended! In our family and in the families I know, you would just call and ask when it would be convenient to pop in. No one would wait to be summoned. Just email text or call and arrange something.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/05/2016 17:36

You're waiting for an invite to see your great niece, surely not.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 27/05/2016 17:36

Honestly OP, in the nicest possible way, this isn't about you. She's got a new baby and it seems as though you're waiting for invites/holds of baby without actually saying anything.

In the blur of sleepless nights and excitement/baby stuff, she probably hasn't even thought.

I'm gutted I was so excited to be a great aunt and I feel so hurt that she's chosen to do this

Please try not to feel like this. Don't be hurt, no-one trying to hurt you. She hasn't 'chosen to do this', it doesn't sound as though she's done anything. She might be guilty of not being super-sensitive to your needs, but she's got her hands pretty full.

I didn't issue invitations to anyone. I'm not sure I know anyone who did to be honest.

fiorentina · 27/05/2016 17:37

In a different slant I don't think there's an automatic entitlement to spend time with a new baby in the family. Whilst it's lovely you are keen to see her, perhaps she isn't overly comfortable with all the attention a new baby brings? Hopefully a quick text or call and you can get something arranged that suits you all.

pippistrelle · 27/05/2016 17:37

You do seem to be making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps she is similarly hurt that you have chosen not to get in touch with her since December. Or alternatively, she's been busy and run out of gilt-edged invitations. Just call her, and say you'd love to see them all, and when would be a good time.

LouBlue1507 · 27/05/2016 17:39

Saw her with the baby at a family function in february and we weren't even offered a hold and baby remained firmly fastened in pram

A baby isn't some sort of doll to pass around and share! FGS!

Phone her, see how she is and ask when will be convenient for you to visit!

fanjolamps · 27/05/2016 17:40

If you want something ASK for it. Its honestly not difficult.

PerspicaciaTick · 27/05/2016 17:40

Or someone else would have posted My DN has a new baby and she has sent us a message formally summoning us to visit. AIBU to think it is a bit cheeky of her expecting us to drop everything to see her baby. It's not like everyone finds other people's small babies fascinating?

Honestly - if you like her and would like to meet the baby properly, just talk to her. sitting around waiting for an invite that she might not realise you are waiting for (or be to worried at sounding demanding if she does) is a recipe for destroying your relationship for absolutely no good reason.

pinkladyapple · 27/05/2016 17:41

I find it very telling that you mention the fact that you sent her an expensive gift. I'm not trying to be mean here, the general impression of the opening post is that you are waiting for her to invite you and haven't actually asked. If you have only seen her once or a few times since baby was born (by the sounds of it) then you are giving the impression that you don't want to see her. The onus is on you to visit a new baby, not the other way around. You need to express an interest.

Buckinbronco · 27/05/2016 17:41

Op you're supposed to ask when you can pop round. You don't sit at home waiting for an invite and strop when you don't get one. You're being really self obsessed and looking to be hard done by

Notonthestairs · 27/05/2016 17:43

So she's got a six month old - with all the joy and sleep deprivation and worries that brings - and you're ticked off at a lack of specific invite?

Ring/email/text whatever form of communication you feel comfortable with and tell her you want to come and adore her beautiful baby (all mums like their babies being adored - ok, maybe not all but I certainly did). I bet she'd be very happy to see you and you'll get a hold whilst she drinks a cup of tea in relative peace. If you take cakes you'll be invited back asap Smile.

RedToothBrush · 27/05/2016 17:44

I feel so hurt that she's chosen to do this

You know, she's been a little busy for the last few months don't you, and its unlikely to be an active decision to actively exclude you.

Though having said that, given your sense of entitlement and expectation maybe she did and maybe its justified.

Or perhaps you could invite her over rather than sitting around waiting for the invitation and stewing on your own misery.

paxillin · 27/05/2016 17:44

I never invited anybody, people would call and ask when they can pop in. In the early days, most brought a meal they cooked with them, it was lovely. Ball is in your court I'm afraid.

MadamDeathstare · 27/05/2016 17:45

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