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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too much to drink?

103 replies

Crapmummy2016 · 27/05/2016 08:02

When sitting home alone:
3 cans of beer
1/4 to 1/2 bottle of red wine ( I'm not sure how much was left)
1/2 glass of Amaretto ( this was ridiculous it was at least 3 pub measures)

OP posts:
RealityCheque · 27/05/2016 08:40

Lol. Overreaction, much?

It's not much really over 5 hours. Why do you need to be able to drive in an emergency? Do you not have ambulances and taxis? You do realise that many people don't drive or only have one car in a household?

That qty of alcohol over 5 hours would make most men 'a bit tipsy / drunk'. Certainly nowhere near 'pissed'. Hmm

And those quoting "NHS guidelines" - wtf? I bet almost every one of you dont stick to guidelines of alcohol, calories, fat, salt etc.

Jimjamjoos · 27/05/2016 08:41

YABU. 3 cans of lager, a glass of red wine and an amaretto. Not a big deal, no. How old is dc? My dh would hardly be tipsy on that. What emergency??? You can't live waiting for bad things to happen. If anything did he would still be capable of making judgement calls like ringing an ambulance, or a taxi, or you or other friends and family. Poor bloke.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/05/2016 08:44

I think yabu. Yes it's probably over his units for the day, etc, etc - but he's not going to be ravingly pissed and incapable after that unless he's a 17yr old novice.

I like a glass or 3 of wine, am frequently in sole care of the children (who are admittedly older now), and I would be pissed off if DH felt he could tell me off for it.

Ragwort · 27/05/2016 08:45

I would be furious with my DH if he 'dictated' to me how much I could drink ............. your DH is a grown adult, he can make his own decisions. Are you really policing his empty glasses Hmm.

In the very unlikely situation that there was an 'emergency' I am sure he could call an ambulance or taxi ............. just as thousands of parents who don't drive or don't have a car would have to do.

mrsm43s · 27/05/2016 08:45

IF he was showing any signs of being drunk (e.g affected physically, or unable to talk coherently or make reasonable decisions) then yes, it was too much in charge of children. I'd be surprised if that was the case though on that amount unless he's very unused to drinking.

Otherwise, I don't see the problem, unless he drinks that kind of amount frequently/daily and is showing signs of dependence.

I'd be very upset if my husband tried to dictate to me how much I was allowed to drink when in charge of our shared children. I'd say that if he thought it was an OK amount to drink, then unless you have any evidence to the contrary (such as signs of drunkenness), then he probably knows his own limits best, and it was probably perfectly OK.

A gentle adult chat is generally a better approach than a blazing row.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/05/2016 08:47

OP, I've just re-read - I assumed it was the evening, and your dc were in bed? In which case I think it's ok. If they were up and he was actively caring for them - then YANBU.

toastedandbuttered · 27/05/2016 08:50

Another one here thinking it's fine

Like another poster said, what emergency? Three beers and a glass of wine and an amaretto arent going to stop you calling 999

MangoMoon · 27/05/2016 08:51

I've mixed feelings tbh.

If it was a night out, drink what you want & how much you want.
Night in with a friend/friends, perfectly OK.

It's the sitting on your own and drinking that amount that jars with me.
Why the need to drink at all?

Buckinbronco · 27/05/2016 08:53

There is nothing really wrong with drinking alone is there? It's just your perception that drinking alone equals sad old alcoholic. It doesn't actually mean anything in reality

toastedandbuttered · 27/05/2016 08:53

'Why the need to drink at all?'

Yes we should all just drink tap water. Why the need for tea? Ot coffee? Let's eat bread and boiled veg at every meal. Why the need for pizza?

Dreary me

AugustaFinkNottle · 27/05/2016 08:54

It's not great, but over 5 hours I think it's just about OK, particularly given that it may well have been only a quarter bottle of wine. I suspect the Amaretto was a reward to himself/nightcap after getting the children to bed.

Original poster
Crapmummy2016 · 27/05/2016 09:00

When I say half a glass of Amaretto I don't mean a small one. I'm talking a big IKEA coke glass half full.... So at least 3 pub measures but probably more.

Yes he was drunk. Not falling over drunk but not able to converse properly without spouting unrelated crap mid conversation.

He does have firm for drinking too much. It definitely did feel to me like he was just drinking whatever he could find for the sake of having alcohol. The Amaretto was poured at quarter to midnight. When really he should and would be thinking about heading to bed since we have kids who will be up early, plus he has work. So I was a bit puzzled as to why he then poured a massive glass of Amaretto ( which is mine and not something he'd drink really). It felt unnecessary that late.

Sorry if I've been drop feeding but I wanted to see other people's opinions. I knew if I mentioned he has form for drinking too much that would colour people's replies. I wanted to know if it was too much to drink for most people or if I'm just viewing it through my own eyes, where I am afraid he will slip into full blown alcoholism.

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 27/05/2016 09:00

Even taking the issue of childcare aside, who actually enjoys drinking that much alone? Because ime that is the indicator of an issue and everyone I know who has a drink problem drinks large amounts alone. If you don't believe that 3 beers, half a bottle of red wine and 3 shots of amaretto (consumed alone) is a lot, then I would suggest that your compass is skewed too. As I said, it depends on whether it's a one off or regular occurrence - either way it sounds like self medication (be it for a bad day at work or because life generally feels shit).

LittleLionMansMummy · 27/05/2016 09:01

X-post op. If he has form for this I'd be worried. Sorry.

TheUnsullied · 27/05/2016 09:01

Why are you telling us about quantity rather than whether he was obviously pissed? I think that amount would be completely fine for someone who handles alcohol well. Completely catastrophic for someone who doesn't.

FWIW, 3 beers, a large glass of red and 75ml of amaretto over the course of 5 hours wouldn't leave me in a state where I'd be incapable of parenting.

LittleLionMansMummy · 27/05/2016 09:03

Someone who handles that amount of alcohol well is regularly drinking too much and built up resistance to its effects.

Piemernator · 27/05/2016 09:06

Anyone that needs to drink that much alone is having some sort of issue. It doesn't mean it's a life and death situation obviously but I would be wondering about their happiness levels. Strikes me as a need to drink to feel good and nothing to do with sociability.

Trouble is many people have a totally skewed view of what ok alcohol consumption is. The last time I drank alcohol was about six weeks ago and I did get pretty tipsy but it was social drinking. Then again I think having to drink every day even within guidelines and having to do it is not good though few share my view.

I would have been annoyed about being that drunk in sole care of tiny DC.

Original poster
Crapmummy2016 · 27/05/2016 09:11

As an experiment I just measured the amount in the glass he used. The amount of Amaretto he drank was closer to 175 ml than 75ml.

OP posts:
superwormissuperstrong · 27/05/2016 09:12

Until your second post I actually thought it sounded ok - assuming he wasn't acting pissed. My other half could drink that and still be very sensible - recognise an issue and know that he can't drive and in the event of a problem call someone for a lift or very serious then get an ambulance.
But if your other half was acting pissed then yes its unacceptable.

But I don't think you are ever going to achieve anything by having a blazing row with a pissed person - he'll be pissed off with you and because it won't achieve anything you will wake up still pissed off (and need to vent on mumsnet!) rather than waiting till you can both discuss rationally...

WipsGlitter · 27/05/2016 09:12

Bollock re having an issues, not everyone who likes a drink (even if "alone" is a raging alcoholic / unhappy person.

Standingonmytippytoes · 27/05/2016 09:13

YANBU I would of hit the roof. In fact I did. One night I was out with a few friends came back to find dp pissed and taking care of the baby and toddler.
We had a blazing row and he hasn't done it since.

Pseudo341 · 27/05/2016 09:20

It doesn't matter so much how much alcohol he's he's had, it's the effect it has on him that is the problem. You say he wasn't talking coherently, therefore he'd had too much to drink when in charge of the kids and you have every right to be angry.

Personally I'm slightly built and don't drink much so the first two beers would put me past the point where I'd be comfortable being in sole charge of the kids so I'd only have one if any at all. My DH on the other hand is a big guy and drinks regularly and would probably have been largely unaffected by the amount your DH had drunk, though he still wouldn't have that amount if he was in sole charge of the kids.

There's not one rule for everyone in this case. You say your DH was noticeably drunk, therefore he was out of order.

Buckinbronco · 27/05/2016 09:21

Can you still see the thumb print on his head tippytoes?

There is a lot of pious hysteria on this thread from people who don't know much about drinking. If he has "form" for drinking that much that's really not "form" at all.

Some of you will be or turn into some of the women in my family end up looking like fools at family events cats bumming about their men folk getting drunk. They end up looking like controlling, miserable, drama queens

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/05/2016 09:22

Does he resent you going out?

Did he drink anything he could find because you were out and he wasn't?

I'd be worried that it sounds like either he drank because he was bored and lonely (which is not good) or he's leaning towards alcoholism.

I get drunk sometimes. I had a beer last night. Sometimes alcohol is nice to take the edge off and relax, even if you're alone - but drinking that much, of so many different things, until you're unable to have a proper conversation... that seems odd on a work night, in charge of children, on his own? It doesn't feel like that would be fun or relaxing.

LizzieMacQueen · 27/05/2016 09:23

Did he actually drink the amaretto?

Just thinking that's the actions of a drunk - pouring too large a drink at the end of the night - but did he just knock it back in a f* you kind of way?

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