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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking DD's 15 yo friend on holiday - never done this before

21 replies

Jaybee99 · 26/05/2016 17:37

I need to discuss this with my DD's friend's mum - who I don't know at all.

But what should I ask? Ground rules for behaviour? Curfews? The financials of course(not sure how to word this!) There would be the holiday cost plus she would need some daily amounts..? Excursions?

Any ideas gratefully received!

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 26/05/2016 17:38

It's the norm to pay for the holiday if you invite a friend. Friends parent usually pay for food and spending money.

sockrage · 26/05/2016 17:44

Usual to pay for holiday. If inviting.
Child brings spends and offer towards food.

Just be aware we did this and kids fell out

PUGaLUGS · 26/05/2016 17:49

If we invited one of the DC's friends on our holiday then I would expect to pay for everything and for them only to bring some spending money for their own use.

lalaloopyhead · 26/05/2016 17:54

I think if you're inviting then you pay, I don't think that I would expect them to stump up for anything other than spending money. My bf as a teen would often come on holiday with us once my older sibling left home and I don't ever recall any exchange or arrangement of money... but then again I may just not have noticed.

icclemunchy · 26/05/2016 17:57

See I'd be happy to pay for DD to go on holiday with someone as long as it was clear from the start

VimFuego101 · 26/05/2016 18:00

If you're inviting, you should pay. I would just expect the child to bring spending money for souvenirs and snacks.

Topseyt · 26/05/2016 18:09

My DD3 has been to Spain several times at the invitation of a good friend of hers whose parents own a property there.

We always pay DDs air fare. It wouldn't occur to me not to. She saves money from a morning paper round that she does and exchanges that for euros to have as her spending money.

Her friend's parents hire a car and pay for general stuff such as food. When they get home I always make sure we have thankyou gifts for them of their favourite wine 🍷 and chocolates etc.

Give and take. There is no harm broaching the subject of the cost of the holiday, although I would have thought it manners of the friend's parents to offer a contribution.

Original poster

Jaybee99 · 26/05/2016 18:43

Hi, I think the main point has been missed about curfews and rules...

OP posts:

Momamum · 26/05/2016 18:48

Curfews and rules seem easy to me..set them for both of them and expect them to be obeyed. Why not?

Hodooooooooor · 26/05/2016 18:59

Curfews and rules are not the main point IF you plan on asking a kid on holiday with you and expecting them to pay for it, plus spends.
I fear it is you that has missed the point.

The rest is easy, you treat them the same as your own kid. But sort out the basics first, you're not serious about the costs?

(btw , you didn't ask an aibu)

19lottie82 · 26/05/2016 19:29

I think if the friends parents let their DD go on holiday with your family they trust you to enforce a sensible curfew and rules, as you would with your own DD.

MillionToOneChances · 26/05/2016 19:44

I'm taking a bonus child away this half term, and have done so before. I agree with 'you invite, you pay', but in both cases the other family has insisted on contributing to food and outings as well as spending money. Which helps.

As for rules and curfews, I have explicitly outlined what I will allow (mainly the extent to which I will allow the kids to be unsupervised, as I don't think they need to know every detail) to ensure they don't have any issues with it.

happypoobum · 26/05/2016 19:45

They are 15. I would be discussing the rules re curfews and expected behaviour with them, not their parents. What if you expect DD to be home by 11, and they say their DD can stay out all night?

It's your holiday, your rules..If you think DDs friend is likely to be problematic why are you taking her?

Original poster

Jaybee99 · 26/05/2016 19:53

Okay thanks everyone for your comments. You've been dead hepful.
x

OP posts:

Kbear · 26/05/2016 19:54

We took DD's mate on holiday cos DD asked us to - we didn't pay - her parents did - we couldn't afford another flight and meals out for her every night and said this upfront when DD asked. We did pay extra for a bigger house to accommodate us all but DD's friend's mum paid for her flight. They weren't having a family holiday so everyone was happy. I don't think it's a given I should pay, I didn't invite her, DD did!

Re rules - before we went we had a conversation about what I could and couldn't allow them to do (ie go clubbing every night haha).... they were brilliant, spend the days together, eating out for lunch, going to the beach, looking for boys.... came out with us in the evenings with a big group of our friends for dinner and drinks.

We had a great holiday - she was a pleasure to have with us and the girls said it felt like a girls holiday but with a safety net.... They were 16.

ijustwannadance · 26/05/2016 19:59

You lot must be made of money to pay for another child to go on holiday. One thing if it was a villa/caravan where you pay a set fee regardless of number of people, but flight/hotel rooms?

NerrSnerr · 26/05/2016 20:06

I think you should just go by your own curfews and rules. If they trust you to take her on holiday I think they should trust your judgements on discipline.

scarednoob · 26/05/2016 20:34

My parents took me and DB to Portugal when I was 17 and he was 15. Curfew was 11 for them and 1 for us, as I recall, my parents paid for everything but her parents gave her spending money and enough cash to treat us all to dinner one evening. We managed not to argue at all - but the 15 year old boys decided our sangria was "weak" and drank 3 jugs of it. They respected it the next day!!!

lalaloopyhead · 26/05/2016 20:35

Yes, I suppose I feel I should add that our holidays were to a caravan or cottage in Wales so no extra cost other than food. If you're talking hotel and flights that's another thing entirely. Behaviour wise I would expect same rules applied as I would my own child, but if it wouldn't hurt to check that other parent is happy that girls go off on their own for example, if that is planned.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 26/05/2016 20:36

Eeeek - the responsibility!

Think it's sensible that you stick to your rules

Hulababy · 26/05/2016 20:46

We are doing this for the first time next February - just booked infact. DD and her friend will be 14y (a couple of months off 15y)

However, we are not paying for the friend. Its an expensive holiday - DisneyWorld (with a couple of days at Universal too - so pricey.) When it came up I said I was happy to take a friend with us, but they would have to contribute. I worked out the costs, and laid them all out well before DD asked the friend - who has wanted to go but parents really aren't into that kind of thing at all. The parents knew everything up front and were happy for her to go. The friend's parents are paying for her flight and park tickets (we are going to Orlando) but we will cover the additional cost for accommodation (which also includes a DDP) plus we will pay for all other food/drink when there, and incidental costs. The parents are also sorting her travel insurance and ESTA.

It will obviously cost us more to take another child - we will cover pretty much mosts costs over there and towards her spends too - for example, as part of the package we get a $200 giftcard for Disney - the girls are going to split it, so she will have a bonus $100 there, plus we won;don't buy something for dd without treating her friend too. No doubt she will bring some extra spending money too but we don't plan on going shopping as such. DD will also have saved pocket money so what they spend extra is there choice.

Because of the nature of the holiday the girls won't really spend much time on their own. We will go to the theme parks together each day (there for a week so it will be 1 theme park per day for 6 days) and we all like the rides. We will be sorting FastPasses and dining as a group anyway. They may well spend time at the pool, etc and in the hotel but that time will be very limited base don our previous excursions to WDW. I don't envisage any behavioural issues but would treat them similar and expect certain levels of behaviour when there - knowing both girls its not likely to be an issue tbh.

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