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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend wouldn't help fiance choose a ring

129 replies

SomethingLike · 25/05/2016 14:19

Regular but have NC for this don't want to out myself to anyone I've told this to in RL.

I met my now fiance about five years ago. After we had been together about a year and a bit he approached a good friend of mine who I've known for over ten years but saw once a week over text (got the number from my phone) and asked her to help him find out my ring size. I know all this retrospectively I knew nothing of it at the time.

Said friend and I were having a weekend at the town we are both from and she never brought up the subject. Fiance always used to say to me "she's a funny one that girl she isn't a true friend to you I don't think." Since getting engaged he's told me why he thinks that and shown me a text conversation between the two of them where he kept asking her to help find out the size and she kept refusing, saying she couldn't and a snappy one saying "you'll just have to buy the ring and get it re sized." She never contacted him about it again or offered to help. He then contacted a girl I worked with who somehow got it out of me in one day. (Without giving the game away.)

Would this make you think differently about your friend or is it insignificant? She knew I was happy with fiance and would be happy about an engagement so that can't have been a reason. I'm just confused by the woke thing.

OP posts:

Lweji · 25/05/2016 15:06

And the other pertinent question that is being asked and not answered is why couldn't he bloody get the ring size himself. If it was easy for the friend you saw once a week, it would have been easier for him. Surely.

squoosh · 25/05/2016 15:06

Although I never had a ring for the ring finger of my left hand until I was engaged!

So if the OP wasn't a wearer of rings how was the friend supposed to find out her ring size without giving the game away?

diddl · 25/05/2016 15:08

He didn't do wrong by asking, she didn't do wrong by refusing.

He did wrong to keep asking & to have tattle taled about it to you imo.

Original poster

SomethingLike · 25/05/2016 15:08

NickiFury

That's my thought too I can't fathom a friends boyfriend asking me to do this and me saying no.

Anyway- for those asking he had the ring for ages before we got engaged because we were waiting for something else to happen (family related) before we could get engaged. So the engagement happened about six months ago. I just got to thinking about the friend today that's all.

OP posts:

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 25/05/2016 15:10

it was a strange ask! surely your boyfriend/fiance is the person in the best position to find out your ring size, being that they presumably stay over and are more likely to have access to your jewellery when you take it off for cooking/washing etc

And based on her not doing one favour for him, he's been drip drip dripping about her not being a good friend to you for years…I dunno, something stinks there!

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 25/05/2016 15:11

Well, you aren't married yet.

Come back when you're "trapped" and see how well your fiance gets on with all your family and friends. I bet many of them will turn out not to be "true friends".

squoosh · 25/05/2016 15:11

Your colleague must have wondered what was going on. She knew he was planning to propose 4 years ago and then nothing happened until 6 months ago?

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 25/05/2016 15:12

Anyway- for those asking he had the ring for ages before we got engaged because we were waiting for something else to happen (family related) before we could get engaged

Did you friend know that you didn't want to get engaged until the family thing was sorted?

Original poster

SomethingLike · 25/05/2016 15:12

A11TheSma11Things

Based on what I've posted you've deduced that? Projecting much?

OP posts:

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 25/05/2016 15:14

this is one of those threads that starts off straight forward and then…

What was he hoarding the ring for for years if you weren't going to get engaged until now? Was it some sort of trump card he could pull out of his hat if needed?

Mari50 · 25/05/2016 15:15

He kept messages from 4 years ago and he thinks she's the funny one. That is so weird. Did he keep them, just to prove why he thought she was funny, how vindictive is that? Your friend has probably spent the last 4 years wondering why he texted about engagement rings.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 25/05/2016 15:16

Why is he telling you now that he was unhappy with your friend about a text sent four years ago. Has he had some other issue with your friend and is looking to back up his case?

Mari50 · 25/05/2016 15:17

And all this 'we' were waiting for family related thing to happen before 'we' got engaged. Wtf didn't you just go with him to the jewellers if you knew?? This is BS

EpoxyResin · 25/05/2016 15:18

No idea why your fiance's been getting such a hard time out of this OP.

He didn't understand why your friend wouldn't want to help so he thought she might not care about you as much as all that. So he told you, YOU didn't understand why she wouldn't help (frankly me neither), so you told the good people of MN. Good people of MN say "there are a million reasons she might not have wanted to help" so we're all a little wiser.

Probably just need to tell you fiance he doesn't need to worry about her not being a real friend any more because you have it on good authority she was well within her rights. If a bit frosty. Which, you know what, I'd probably think was a bit shit of her - he was trying to do a nice thing. But if you're okay friends still, you're okay friends. Best forget about it.

Congratulations by the way!

HairyBigSpider · 25/05/2016 15:18

So basically he was after your ring size around 3.5 years before actually giving you the ring??? That's a bit unusual.

Just5minswithDacre · 25/05/2016 15:18

The only three ways to find a ring size are;

a) Measure while you sleep (tricky -fiance better placed to do than friend, unless she sleeps with you regularly)

b) Snaffle one you already where on ring finger, get it measured, replace (doable if you regularly where one on one of those two fingers, but not often enough to miss it and fiance still better paced then friend)

c) Get you to try on rings seriously enough to think that fit had to be perfect (on ring finger? impossible without arousing suspicion even if friend instigated instead of fiance)

I don't blame her for saying 'No' to mission impossible, He's being unreasonable and a stirry bastard to boot. "Not a true friend"!? WTF?

Lweji · 25/05/2016 15:20

How did your colleague find out?

Just5minswithDacre · 25/05/2016 15:21

BTW, why does your thread title say "help fiance choose the ring" when the OP is all about finding her ring size and not about choosing anything?

Hikez · 25/05/2016 15:22

Some of the responses on this thread are pure gold!

flippinada · 25/05/2016 15:22

I agree there's nothing wrong with the asking (him) or refusing (her). But the trying to create a drama about it (all the hints about her not being a true friend) is just odd.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 25/05/2016 15:23

So.. your friends and colleagues knew you were going to be proposed to, but you didn't know this at the time, are you really cool with that?.

Jesus! He might as well just piss on you and be done with it! talk about marking his territory!

flippinada · 25/05/2016 15:26

Keeping texts for years is a bit odd as well tbh.

Maybe it's something and nothing, but it just seems "off".

DixieNormas · 25/05/2016 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curren · 25/05/2016 15:27

So you knew he bought you a ring 3.5 years before he proposed?

Why all the secrecy?

curren · 25/05/2016 15:27

And he kept the messages to show you for 3.5 years?

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