Friend wouldn't help fiance choose a ring

[SomethingLike]

Regular but have NC for this don't want to out myself to anyone I've told this to in RL.

I met my now fiance about five years ago. After we had been together about a year and a bit he approached a good friend of mine who I've known for over ten years but saw once a week over text (got the number from my phone) and asked her to help him find out my ring size. I know all this retrospectively I knew nothing of it at the time.

Said friend and I were having a weekend at the town we are both from and she never brought up the subject. Fiance always used to say to me "she's a funny one that girl she isn't a true friend to you I don't think." Since getting engaged he's told me why he thinks that and shown me a text conversation between the two of them where he kept asking her to help find out the size and she kept refusing, saying she couldn't and a snappy one saying "you'll just have to buy the ring and get it re sized." She never contacted him about it again or offered to help. He then contacted a girl I worked with who somehow got it out of me in one day. (Without giving the game away.)

Would this make you think differently about your friend or is it insignificant? She knew I was happy with fiance and would be happy about an engagement so that can't have been a reason. I'm just confused by the woke thing.

How weird that he kept messages to show you, that he repeatedly said to you 'she's a funny one!!!!' and that he didn't take no for an answer when she refused to help but kept asking her. I know who I think is the funny one. Worst case scenario is your friend was maybe a bit jealous about you getting engaged (no crime) or doesn't like him- but she's kept quiet about it all. Your fiancé on the other hand, is stirring shit.

If my boyfriend/fiancée said this about a friend who I had, until then, trusted ...she isn't a true friend to you I don't think I would have serious doubts about the motivations of said boyfriend/fiancée.

I think rings are very personal. If I am to wear an item of jewellery regularly I want to choose it. There isn't an easy way to find out someone's ring size.
He obviously doesn't like her and is stirring. She's your friend, you should be able to tell if you are good friends or not.

To be honest before I got married I didn't even know my own ring size.

Yep, I'm afraid that I'd be more worried about your fiancé than the friend. He's telling you she's "not a true friend" because she wouldn't sneakily find out your ring size?? FFS. There's no way of finding someone's ring size apart from asking them, and then they probably don't know and have to get it measured. If she asked, it would have been obvious why, and she'd have been blamed for giving the game away. Your fiancé's an idiot who didn't think things through and is blaming her for refusing to be put in an impossible position.

I would perhaps refuse because I think that surprise proposals are rather silly. If you want to get engaged, and are sure your boyfriend feels the same (which should be the case) you will not be much surprised by the proposal, anyway.

Also, I have no idea how to find out the ring size of someone, except perhaps stealing a ring she's wearing - IF she is wearing any rings at all.
And I would probably decide against stealing a friend's ring for the purpose of a surprise proposal, especially if I didn't know the boyfriend well and had no idea whether he'd confirm my story if she caught me stealing her stuff.

What I think is weird here is that he's claiming she "isn't a true friend". Like, how would her refusal to help him negatively affect you? It's not like she prevented your engagement from happening.

I would be pretty annoyed if my boyfriend made mysterious claims about one of my friends not being a true friend, without telling me why he thinks that. I can't stand people who make mysterious hints but refuse to say what they are really talking about.

To be honest before I got married I didn't even know my own ring size.

Me neither.

I wouldn't want to get involved either. It's not exactly hard to resize a ring.

Mine had to be resized anyway because I have tiny fingers. I didn't know my ring size before we went ring shopping either.

Other people's engagements just aren't that exciting to me.

How the hell are you supposed to subtly find out someone's ring size?

I would want to stay well out of that situation if I were your friend.

Imagine if she sizes your finger, gives boyf the measurements, he runs out and buys a bling bling expensive ring, only to find out it's the wrong size after all?

He sounds like the type to blame her.

I wear both wedding and engagement rings and still have no idea what size ring I would need. Needless to say wouldn't have a clue for any of my friends either.

Why is your fiance still harping on four years down the line ? It's a non-issue. Why are you confused about your friendship?

OK so I can understand someone may not have the first clue how to go about getting someone's ring size but my point is I've seen her messages to him and they were stone walling not even attempting to help. If it were the other way around I would have tried to help the guy or if I thought I couldn't I would have been friendlier, she was a bit abrasive.
If you thought your best friend was going to get engaged wouldn't you be excited and want to help? I know I would.

Also- another friend sorted it in less than a day. Friend A didn't even attempt to help.

My fiancé really liked friend A they got on well also not sure about the "not liking each other" comments. He cooled towards her after this situation.

My fiancé is the least controlling man you could ever meet for the record and makes an effort with my friends and family. He's not "picking them off one by one" or if he is he's doing it very slowly over a matter of decades.

I can see the point of view you may find it awkward but if it had been my best friend j would have been excited and tried to be helpful, not dismissive. It's not a big deal now and I'll never bring it up with her but wanted to know if there was an underlying reason for her not doing that or if it's just normal. It appears not one of you would have helped either so I'm guessing it's just normal!

You've asked for our opinions, what do you think op?

It sounds like your fiancée is shit stirring to be honest. I'd have a think about his motivations for making you question a long standing friendship.

Elsa

He talks about her behind her back, then contacts her asking for help?

If you read the OP, the remarks about her not being a real friend are becuase of the non help.

I also agree with the people saying how do you get ring size without giving the game away.

I just pinched a ring now DW used to wear on her RH ring finger(legged it to a jeweller and asked what size it was) and hoped they were the same size (they weere)

OP, a lot of people would be really unhappy that he just took their phone number from your phone without getting anyone's permission. I'd be changing my number. Also, a lot of people don't agree with the whole surprise ring bit and believe quite strongly that a woman ought to have the majority say in an expensive piece of jewellery she's expected to wear daily for the rest of her life.

FiresideChat

I think I can "get" why my friend didn't feel she could help so I understand that side of things more now. I think people have wrongly and harshly judged my fiancé!

It appears not one of you would have helped either so I'm guessing it's just normal!

You make that sound like we are nasty for not helping.

Sounds like your fiance is stirring up trouble between you and your friend,and it's working.

My opinion too.

Why couldn't he find out your ring size? It would be as easy for him as for your friends, presumably.

And what if she got it wrong and he blamed her?

In any case, I'd probably ask her about it, and with an open mind.

OP, a lot of people would be really unhappy that he just took their phone number from your phone without getting anyone's permission. I'd be changing my number. Also, a lot of people don't agree with the whole surprise ring bit and believe quite strongly that a woman ought to have the majority say in an expensive piece of jewellery she's expected to wear daily for the rest of her life.

That would be my opinion too and it would be a deciding factor in whether I got involved or not. Mine was a bargain basement ring, but it was lovely to choose it together.

Maybe she thought getting engaged was pointless since you weren't getting married anytime soon. May be she doesn't agree with that

Does your fiance enjoy a bit of drama?

Yep, your fiance is shit stirring. And bears a bizarrely long grudge over nothing. HTH.

I was very happy for my fiancé to choose the ring himself and surprise me with it.

Curren yes maybe that's it.