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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cooking for my 21 year old son!!!

82 replies

Smelley66 · 24/05/2016 21:33

I need advice please! Am I being unreasonable to get fed up cooking for my son? He comes home for his dinner from work and somehow (it's my fault) I've found myself getting his lunch ready, I also do his evening dinner with his Dad's. He's just turned vegan, which has made the whole thing even more hassle as his dad eats meat. I'm a veggy myself, so I don't mind doing some vegan dinners for us. But i feel my whole life is about cooking! I'm 50 this year, surely I should be having more freedom?

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 25/05/2016 10:48

When my previously veggie daughter wanted to go vegan she was cooking her own stuff.
I was already catering for meat eaters and vegetarians but I was buying milk substitutes ( look out for the longer life stuff and stock up when its on offer) as only DH likes cows milk
She seemed to buy an awful lot of protein supplements for making smoothies.
I just threw out her vegan " cheese" yesterday as it was mouldy.

Most soups I make are vegan now that I think on it.

Asda do tins of chickpea daal, veg chilli and veg curry which as far as I can see should be suitable for vegans.
Some of the supermarkets frozen veggie things are vegan( at least according to the ingredients listed)
So he could start off small by opening a tin or heating something up for himself.

Has he thought about what beers are vegan?
This is a good site for checking? www.barnivore.com

And did you really mean that Netmums was the best place for advice?

ratspeaker · 25/05/2016 10:52

Btw both my sons cook.
The meat eater found the only way to get anything with chicken in it was to cook it himself. ( I cant stand the smell )
His veggie brother does a wonderful chickpea curry( using tinned chickpeas).

My girls are not so great at cooking but vegan trying DD did attempt some meals.

Tonis2297 · 25/05/2016 11:10

Op I'm 21 and have two children and a partner to feed Blush how the hell can he not do housework or cook for himself Confused I've been out the house from 16 on and off till 19 permanently if I phoned my mum and told her to make me dinner and do my housework she would laugh Grin toughen up on him Wink

VulcanWoman · 25/05/2016 11:34

You are enabling him to grow up lazy. What will happen when he lives alone? Will he still be bringing you his laundry? Popping in for dinner when he can't be arsed cooking? Or get himself a partner that does everything for him? It's not cool, not at all and it isn't attractive to prospective partners either!
Once my son leaves home he will either fester or flourish, hopefully it will be the latter, I will be doing none of the above.
I'm doing similar to what my parents did with me and I think I turned out ok.

Original poster
Smelley66 · 25/05/2016 12:01

I know it's mumsnet! Aren't you supposed to ask advice on here?

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 25/05/2016 12:04

Don't worry - you absolutely can ask for advice on here.

It's just that you made an error on your second post and said you were on 'Netmums' which is an entirely different site and viewed by many as the competition to be scorned and ridiculed Wink

VulcanWoman · 25/05/2016 12:04

You put Netmums instead of Mumsnet, don't worry about that though.

Princesspinkgirl · 25/05/2016 12:58

This is mumsnet Smile

HormonalHeap · 25/05/2016 13:08

My son is 16. Only a few dishes he will eat and refuses to even make toast for himself. I know I'm enabling him to grow up lazy but it's not easy to see him eat Pringles for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.

corythatwas · 25/05/2016 13:12

"Once my son leaves home he will either fester or flourish, hopefully it will be the latter, I will be doing none of the above."

If you read the Relationship board you will see that there is a third, seemingly very popular option, which is to move in with your girlfriend and make her life a misery by refusing to stir a finger.

VestalVirgin · 25/05/2016 13:13

I don't think your son really needs anyone to cook for him, I have a suspicion he's just lazy.
There may be reasons, such as severe depression, why an adult needs looking after, but your son doesn't exhibit any symptoms from what you mention ...

You know him best, obviously, but since he seems to be able to hold a job and go vegan and all that, and laughs when you complain about his behaviour ... I really don't think he needs help.

Cook for yourself and your husband if that's how you split up work with your husband, but don't worry too much about your son when the meal isn't vegan. He'll cope.

LemonySmithit · 25/05/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 · 25/05/2016 13:14

At 21 I didn't live at home had a house and a fiancé.

He's an adult tell him to cook his own dinner

FlowersAndShit · 25/05/2016 13:21

You always get the smug posters in need of an ego boost on these threads, "I had a great job, left home and was married with 3 kids and a mortgage by your sons age".

Op I'm 21 and have two children and a partner to feed

Two children by 21 is not something to be proud of Confused

FlowersAndShit · 25/05/2016 13:23

But yes, your son sounds like a lazy manchild and it's mostly your fault for enabling him.

VulcanWoman · 25/05/2016 13:25

If you read the Relationship board you will see that there is a third, seemingly very popular option, which is to move in with your girlfriend and make her life a misery by refusing to stir a finger.
I wouldn't put up with that from a partner, I can't control what other women do though.

VulcanWoman · 25/05/2016 13:27

Two children by 21 is not something to be proud of confused that's below the belt.

INeedNewShoes · 25/05/2016 13:36

Oh my goodness that comment was completely unnecessary Flowers !

Two children by 21 might not be the path that most women are taking nowadays but there's most certainly nothing wrong with it - in fact it's far more in keeping with the natural course of things!

corythatwas · 25/05/2016 13:59

VulcanWoman Wed 25-May-16 13:25:35

"If you read the Relationship board you will see that there is a third, seemingly very popular option, which is to move in with your girlfriend and make her life a misery by refusing to stir a finger.
I wouldn't put up with that from a partner, I can't control what other women do though."

No. So if you do not tolerate it you have two options: either go through the hassle of a break-up or kick his arse into gear- in other words, do a parenting job that should have been done by his mother years ago. I am doing my best to parent my children now so their future partners don't have to. "not tolerating something" is usually associated with extra work. I don't see why I should dump that on somebody else.

MrsJayy · 25/05/2016 14:48

Flowers and shit that was really low why did you feel the need to criticise the 21yr old mother as if she and her partner had done something to be ashamed of ?

Pinkheart5915 · 25/05/2016 16:00

flowers

I dis agree that poster that say at 21 they had a house, job and partner are SMUG the point they are making is that most don't reply on there Mum to cook for them and your comment about the poster that had children at 21 there was no need for it might not of been what you would choose but it is nothing to be ashamed of

Tonis2297 · 25/05/2016 17:14

Yes I have 2 children at 21 and what's the issue exactly Hmm we have our own house my dp works full time and bloody hard to support us so what exactly is the problem Confused and yes I am proud actually I have 2 wonderful children!!

VulcanWoman · 25/05/2016 17:22

No. So if you do not tolerate it you have two options: either go through the hassle of a break-up or kick his arse into gear- in other words, do a parenting job that should have been done by his mother years ago. I am doing my best to parent my children now so their future partners don't have to. "not tolerating something" is usually associated with extra work. I don't see why I should dump that on somebody else
I'm saying, that not doing chores when living with your parents doesn't necessarily mean this will translate to being bone idle when living with a partner, whether male or female, me and my sons dad when we first started living together, shared chores, neither one of us came from homes where we did chores very much.

motherinferior · 25/05/2016 17:46

At 21 I was cooking far more interesting wholefood veggie/vegan food than I do a lot of the time now. Grin. I was a student.

corythatwas · 25/05/2016 18:13

It doesn't have to translate to bone idle, Vulcan- but do you read the Relationship board? It is not that rare.