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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not book holiday because of child abduction worries?

23 replies

Whatishappeningwithmyhead · 22/05/2016 21:40

Yes, IABU. I know I am. My head isn't listening though. Am hesitating booking a really great holiday in Spain/Portugal with DH and DC, all under 5, as I keep worrying about losing sight of them for 2 mins and someone snatching them. I know it's ridiculous - we live in central London where risks must be higher not to mention risks around traffic accidents, crime etc.

It's really odd as I'm not usually a worrier. We've plenty of real worries - family illness, risk of redundancy - so I don't know why I'm suddenly so anxious about this. DH is annoyed which is fair enough I think as its a great deal and we haven't had a holiday away in years.

AIBU to make the decision for all of us based on something I know is irrational and take holiday in the UK?

OP posts:

SoThatHappened · 22/05/2016 21:41

Yes YABU to think anyone wants your kids

DixieNormas · 22/05/2016 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2016 21:45

So kids don't get abducted in the UK?

PPie10 · 22/05/2016 21:45

Yes you're being very silly.

annandale · 22/05/2016 21:47

Yabu. Not surprising if you have lots of other worries that you are generally feeling anxious, but feel the fear and do it anyway.

SweetieDrops · 22/05/2016 21:51

As long as you don't leave them on their own in the apartment to go out for dinner because you can't be arsed to sort out a babysitter like in a certain high profile case you should be grand.

ColdTeaAgain · 22/05/2016 21:52

YANBU to worry.
YABU to let it stop you having a lovely family holiday.

Treat your children the same as you would when you go anywhere at home, always in sight, hold hands when somewhere busy etc etc.

The number of times the you see people on the beach paying no attention to their children is astonishing. I think holidays often lure people into a false sense of security.

listsandbudgets · 22/05/2016 21:52

Yes YABU.

There's a reason child abduction cases make the news and that i because they re so very rare. The chances of your children being abducted are incredibly low in London and I wouldn't think they would increase by being in Spain or Portugal.

Really I think all the other worries you've got at the moment are projecting themselves into this irrational fear. So easy to focus on something very unlikely than all the horrible things going on. Certainly sounds like you need a holiday with everything else that is going on.

Book it, go and enjoy every moment and I hope things start to improve for you and your family

Oliviaerinpope · 22/05/2016 21:53

I worry about everything, I entirely understand how you feel. People telling me everything will be ok doesn't help me at all, I just feel sorry for them not understanding the risks they face

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 21:58

Could it be that you are focusing on this anxiety because unlike the other, more real anxieties you mention, it is something you have some control over?

DriveMeToTennessee · 22/05/2016 21:58

I have anxiety, it's not nice at all. And most of my worries are irrational.

You know really that YABU... The fact that you are thinking like this now means you wouldn't let your guard down so turn it round into a positive iyswim? The chances are vanishingly rare anyway.

GirlOutNumbered · 22/05/2016 21:58

We went on holiday to Portugal with my children and my parents. I hadn't given it a second thought until my Mum mentioned where Madeline Mccance was snatched was down the road. I still didn't really give it much thought but my Mum was SO cautious, even to the point where my husband and I had to have the crapper room as it had less windows?!

I guess you remember the big press stories, and perhaps you are anxious about just being somewhere different. You do need to try and not let it ruin your holiday though.

Just like the fear of plane crash doesn't stop me going abroad.

SilvaCaledonia · 22/05/2016 22:04

YABU, but you know that really.

You must just go anyway and not let this spoil your life. It will be fine when you get there.

I always worry a lot before I do things, and it's always a lot better than I think.

Book it and enjoy it is my advice.

Buckinbronco · 22/05/2016 22:05

I think your suffering with the over stress and transferring your anxiety onto this. Yes it's bonkers, but you know that. Can you get help for the other stresses going on at the moment?

Ankleswingers · 22/05/2016 22:19

Yes YABU. However, you are clearly very anxious about it and I understand that completely. Our DC are our world and we will do whatever it takes to protect them.

You , and they, will be fine. Supervise them as you would ordinarily at home in the uk- whilst you are shopping, at soft play etc

The difference being is that you will be abroad and do not know the area. Just be vigilant as you would always be and you will be fine.

We (DH and I) are taking our two DC abroad for a week in August. They will be five and two. I will be nervous being away from home but DH and I just have one DC each to keep an eye on. If we find a situation where by it is stressful or potentially risky, then we just remove ourselves. It's no big deal.

Seriously OP, you will all be fine. Go and book the holiday and have a great time

Original poster

Whatishappeningwithmyhead · 22/05/2016 22:26

Thank you and I know you're all right (particularly you Olivia ). I do think it's the other stressy stuff affecting my thinking. The anxiousness when I think about it is very real though!

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatishappeningwithmyhead · 22/05/2016 22:28

Also ankle your point about remove ourselves if worried when there is a good one. We can go and keep it quiet.

OP posts:

Hassled · 22/05/2016 22:32

I think there's often a sort of displacement thing that happens - so you have legitimate worries about illness and redundancy, but your brain has taken a sidestep and found a whole new illogical thing to worry about, thus (presumably) stopping you from having to think about the real stuff. I do this all the time - job stress? No, I'll worry about the cat and invent potential unlikely illnesses he could have instead of thinking about work.

YABU, and you know it - have a lovely holiday :).

cdtaylornats · 22/05/2016 22:35

Just don't leave the kids on their own.

mumofthemonsters808 · 22/05/2016 22:48

ITs a good job, you do not live where I do OP, every few days on my fbook there is some alert about some failed child abduction. I take them with a pinch of salt, I even wonder if someone just enjoys causing fear and gets a buzz out of scaremongering.For these attempted abductions to keep occurring so frequently there would have to be some CHity, CHity Bang, Bang child catcher on the loose. I'm also puzzled why all the alleged abductions are always thankfully never successful.Put your fears aside and go on holiday, look after your children and you will all be fine.

superbean · 22/05/2016 22:48

YANBU to have these thoughts. I have them too sometimes...

Personally I think it's a control thing. We think if we're in control then we can protect them, and so we worry that the minute we lose this (because they're not with us or because we're in an unfamiliar situation), that something bad will happen. Sorry it's corny - but who was it that said having kids is like wearing your heart on the outside every day? Well I think it's that. You have to acknowledge that you're scared of anything bad happening to your kids. This won't change. Every parent feels this, some think about it more than others. But don't let it stop you enjoying things together. Your kids do not have this fear!

I know plenty of mothers who, for a time, have struggled with seemingly random things like flying without their children, their child's first trip away, sometimes I worry about other people driving them around. Yes there is always a risk but most of us are not capable of assessing these statistically anyway.

Book the holiday. Look after them the way you would at home. Have a lovely time.

wobblywonderwoman · 22/05/2016 22:52

Yabu to worry but it is natural

The McCanns made a conscious decision to leave their children unattended for several nights and being rational - you won't be doing that

Artistic · 22/05/2016 22:55

Your worries are valid. I worry too, about things other people (DH) wouldn't think about at all, even notice for that matter. So I am the one who seems to do both our shares of worrying. But instead of stopping myself from doing activities/holidays, I am over cautious. To the point of annoying DH. But I do believe in safe rather than sorry. Until your children can understand risks and obey rules etc, YANBU to worry about them all the time. Take cautious holidays until they grow up a bit.

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