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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they are overreacting?

96 replies

Amy214 · 22/05/2016 14:47

Me and my siblings were brought up in a household where swearing was the norm. It was an adult only thing and children were not allowed to swear, if we did we were sent to our rooms etc.. (i still dont swear infront of them) i dont mind them swearing in front of dd as long as it isnt offensive/racist and it never is. My brother has taken it to an extreme level in my opinion and tells our parents not to swear at all as he doesnt want his kids to hear (whilst they are in my parents home) my parents have told him if he doesnt like it then they have to leave as it is there house and they will do as they please (which is fair enough) my argument the whole time has been 'they will hear a lot worse in school, shopping centre and in general, it isnt offensive so whats the big deal?' his issue is 'what if they repeat what they hear' what are your opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy214 · 22/05/2016 16:42

Striclymumdancing he told them to leave if they werent happy but they told him to shut up and still sat there Confused

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 22/05/2016 16:43

My parents never swore in front of us. As a matter of fact, my mother never swore at all (religious), and if Dad did, he didn't do it at home.

I tried very hard not to swear in front of my kids. They'll tell you the worst they heard from me was a very rare 'hell' or 'damn' (usually directed at another driver). DH slipped up a bit more.

What is so hard about not swearing in front of someone else? I'll bet your parents can manage to rein it in in front of a vicar or someone they knew would be offended (a boss or elderly relative, for example). Why should their grandchildren be deserving of any lesser treatment? Why shouldn't they respect their son's parenting choices? Certainly there are enough threads on MN about that to fill several volumes!

Iggi999 · 22/05/2016 16:43

Anyone should have the self-control to alter their language to make it suitable for the audience.

StrictlyMumDancing · 22/05/2016 16:44

You brother has asked your parents to leave before and they've just told him to shut up and stayed?

LittleMissBossyBoots · 22/05/2016 16:48

I think she means the grandfather told his son, DIL and grandchild to leave.

Gabilan · 22/05/2016 16:51

There are different types of swearing. A ffs or similar when you break/drop something is fine imo, using swear words to describe a person is completely different and I would avoid that in front of children

Agreed. "Ow, ow, shit ow" when you've just dropped something on your foot is fine, although I'd still apologise to any children present and say it was a bad word. Calling someone a bastard behind their back is way worse. Calling them a bastard to their face - just no except occasionally to someone I know really well when no children are present

LouBlue1507 · 22/05/2016 17:01

IMO I think your parents can do what they like in their own home, it's up to your brother whether or not then he takes his kiddies there.

I was brought up in a house where my mum swore a lot! I understood I wasn't allowed to swear and rarely did. Children only realise swearing is a 'naughty' if you draw attention to it.

I also don't believe in 'lead by example' for everything, I hate this whole 'how can you tell children not to do it when you do it' attitude. Do you not drink alcohol because children can't? No? Do you only watch PG films because 18s are unsuitable for children? No. Do you not use sharp knives because children can't? No.
Children need to (and do) learn that there are some things they can't do but mummy can simply because they are children!

bakeoffcake · 22/05/2016 17:03

My dh swears like a trouper. He managed, without any trouble to curb this when the DC were younger. He only started "freely" swearing again when the were in their early teens.

I wouldn't want anyone swearing around my young DC. Unless you want your DC to swear for a young age, don't do it. And if you say "I can swear but you can't" It's a bit like parents who smack their kids whilst saying "don't hit people". Hmm

bakeoffcake · 22/05/2016 17:04

Lou but language is different. When a child hears bad language they will pick it up and might use it. I don't want my young DC swearing so I do lead by example in that situation.

Stratter5 · 22/05/2016 17:09

No they don't. They hear a word, repeat it, you tell them only grown ups are allowed to use that word, and that's the end of it.

At least that's what happened in our house. Although thevswearing was nothing like I use on here. Children respect their parents, there was none of this earning respect bullshit.

StrictlyMumDancing · 22/05/2016 17:11

When a child hears bad language they will pick it up and might use it. I don't want my young DC swearing so I do lead by example in that situation.

They often also pick up perfect context - thanks to a couple of potty mouthed mums having an argument outside preschool my DS has perfect usage of 'come back you slag'

little ah, got confused with the he and they element. I was going to say if I had it right then there's definitely larger issues at work than just swearing.

Doinmummy · 22/05/2016 17:11

Swearing is habit forming, I don't choose that my children should hear it

I agree about it becoming a habit. A woman I know says Fuck in almost every sentence , it's not even in context .

StrictlyMumDancing · 22/05/2016 17:12

No they don't. They hear a word, repeat it, you tell them only grown ups are allowed to use that word, and that's the end of it.
I know several kids, including my DS, who clearly never got that memo.

YoJesse · 22/05/2016 17:12

I try really hard not to swear in front of my ds. Not because I'm anti swearing but because he'll imitate it and I don't want him thinking that's a normal way for a child to communicate. obviously failing miserably as have heard him saying ffs when he's dropped toys etc Blush

Elllicam · 22/05/2016 17:14

I would be angry with my mum and dad if they swore in front of my kids. I don't want my kids picking up any more bad language than I can help and I feel it would be disrespectful and hypocritical of them to swear in front of my kids and then expect the kids not to use the words. We heard a little boy in the playground swearing recently, he was calling other kids fucking cunts. It was such a shame, the other mums were all pulling their kids away. He only looked about 3. You can't unteach your kids words.

maybebabybee · 22/05/2016 17:14

I've tried to care about DC swearing. I can't.

I enjoy swearing myself. Don't see anything wrong with it. I know many other words. It's just that 'fuck' is so often the most appropriate one.

Stratter5 · 22/05/2016 17:17

Maybe we were lucky, but ours got the memo, and so did DH and I when we were children.

bakeoffcake · 22/05/2016 17:18

"No they don't. They hear a word, repeat it, you tell them only grown ups are allowed to use that word, and that's the end of it"

Having worked in nursery schools, I can tell you that approach does not work for many children.

Everyone is different so we will all do what we think is best. But young DC do use bad language if they hear it ime.

NeedACleverNN · 22/05/2016 17:19

My dd repeats bad language if we slip up. At 3 she doesn't know any better and doesn't understand why mummy and daddy can say it but she can't.

Cornishclio · 22/05/2016 17:29

I hate swearing and particularly in front of children. If people don't have enough self control not to use filthy language in front of impressionable youngsters then they have a real problem. I am with your brother but he should also issue same request to SILs parents if they are just as bad. If swearing is seen as the norm in a household then it does not bode well for children in schools, workplaces etc where using abusive language is not the norm. Not where I come from anyway.

GabsAlot · 22/05/2016 17:41

it might be their house but shouldnt they jsut think before they speak in front of the kids

i swear but not in front of children

maybebabybee · 22/05/2016 17:41

Lol. I think about 98% of the people I went to school with did nothing but swear.

Sadly most of my colleagues are more circumspect. But I have found the odd few who enjoy a good swear as much as me. Including my current boss, who is ace.

ClassicCoast · 22/05/2016 17:45

Kids modify their language and behaviour to suit their surroundings all the time. I wouldn't worry about the swearing at all but am ! At your parents hypocrisy.

Original poster
Amy214 · 22/05/2016 17:54

Sorry i should have made it clear my parents told them if they dont like it then they can leave, db and sil then told him to shut up and still sat on the couch.. After 2 hours they left and my dad then admitted he felt bad telling them to leave but he said he didnt like being shouted at (he is hungover after celebrating his football team winning last night but he never used that as an excuse)

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/05/2016 18:00

On mumsnet swearing is cool and non swearers are "pearl clutchers".

In real life people who swear a lot tend to be a bit aggressive and thick and unimaginative.

Now there will be half a dozen posts from people who claim to swear like troopers and be incredibly well educated and upper class. It's all nonsense.

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