To think they are overreacting?

[Amy214]

Me and my siblings were brought up in a household where swearing was the norm. It was an adult only thing and children were not allowed to swear, if we did we were sent to our rooms etc.. (i still dont swear infront of them) i dont mind them swearing in front of dd as long as it isnt offensive/racist and it never is. My brother has taken it to an extreme level in my opinion and tells our parents not to swear at all as he doesnt want his kids to hear (whilst they are in my parents home) my parents have told him if he doesnt like it then they have to leave as it is there house and they will do as they please (which is fair enough) my argument the whole time has been 'they will hear a lot worse in school, shopping centre and in general, it isnt offensive so whats the big deal?' his issue is 'what if they repeat what they hear' what are your opinions?

[Originalfoogirl]

So, they'd rather swear than spend time with their grandchildren. And you think that is fair enough?

Regardless of how you were raised, and what you do, your brother has made a reasonable request that adults do not swear in front of his children. Is it really that hard not to do that? He's not asking for anything which should be difficult for an adult to do, why is that unreasonable?

I absolutely hate hearing adults swear in front of children. And the argument that they will hear it at school anyway is such a lazy argument. Our children will grow up to do many things adults do. Does that mean we hand them a glass of wine and stick on An 18 certificate movie for them to watch? No, we protect them whilst they are young and accept they will deal with these things when they become of an age to deal with them.

It sounds like you are all ganging up on your brother and giving him the "my way or the highway" ultimatum. If you love him, you will accept his parenting choices might be different and respect that.

[WeAllHaveWings]

We don't see much of one of my BIL's due to this. He peppers every conversation with industrial language. On the odd occasion he comes round dh and I constantly repeat "do you mind" and he eventually stops, but restarts every time he comes round.

ds hears the words, but knows they are sometimes used in extreme cases, but not tolerated as the norm from adults or children in our house.

[mumofthemonsters808]

I feel like I'm in a minority to be offended by swearing, it seems so normal nowadays to hear bad language, but it makes me cringe, especially when I hear a child being sworn at.It's just the way I was brought up, therefore I only swear in extreme situations, OH is similar to me, I know he is riled when he swears.I have a friend who swears a lot, I've told her to watch her mouth when she comes in my house and she tries her best, but sometimes she can't help herself because it's just the way she is.Its not for me though.

[turquoise88]

I'm struggling to get past your parents' hypocrisy - when you were kids they were allowed to swear and did so in your presence, but if you swore you were sent to your room? I'd have trouble respecting parents who behaved like that.

I agree.

I swear now and again and I understand that adults sometimes swear in the spur of the moment but I cringe when hearing children use expletives. It just sounds awful. Your brother is right - children do not always understand that swearing
is inappropriate and it's sad if your parents can't stop themselves doing it in order to spend time with them.

[Amy214]

I can understand my parents frustration at being shouted at, if they said 'can you please tone it down or stop swearing i would appreciate it. My brother actually shouted at him to stop it which isnt a very nice thing to do in front of the children either. This was first time he told them to leave today as i think they were getting fed up of being spoken to like crap.

augustafinknottle we were told it was an adult only thing and children werent allowed and i still dont swear. My brother however has sworn in front of the children and when called on it he said it was fine, i think hes the one who is a hypocrite. And my niece has told me herself that her other grandparents swear a lot and she is also allowed to swear because her parents arent there.. But when i mention it to the parents 'im talking shit'

[Amy214]

They do not accept my parenting choices but i dont go on about it all the time and cause arguments between us.. They literally shout and scream about it being so wrong but surely thats not a very nice thing to do since their children are scared of loud noises?

[NannawifeofBaldr]

Amy

It sounds like their way of approaching the problem isn't great but that wasn't what you asked about in your OP.

You asked if they were overreacting, and most respondents think that no, they're not.

[MrsBobDylan]

I agree with pp that swearing is habit forming. I grew up in a sweary house and if I'm scared, shocked or suddenly remember something I forgot, I swear and I genuinely can't help it. I try really, really hard not to swear and am mostly successful in everyday life but it is a conscious effort.

Ironically, one of my dc has a disability which makes him swear lots of times each day so I'm still in a sweary household. But I try not to swear in front of my dc.

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

It's a bit rich of parents to swear and not expect children to copy them. What if one of the little ones did something like spill a drink at nursery/school etc and then they said something unacceptable in front of teacher out loud? If they hear lots of rude words they're not likely to say, 'oh bother!' are they, but something much worse. If we are exposed to lots of swearing every day it becomes less shocking and seems 'acceptable'.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

we were told it was an adult only thing and children weren't allowed

I get that. However, if my parents had imposed that rule I would have thought they were hypocrites and would have had little respect for them.

[Stratter5]

I was brought up with that rule, so was DH. We then had that rule for our children, and somehow, despite our obviously appalling parenting, we've managed to produce two charming adults with beautiful manners.

I don't think it does any harm at all, fussing about swearing is terribly pearl clutching.

[Wdigin2this]

How awful, your brother is right...I would never swear in front of my Grandchildren! How on earth can you tell children off for swearing, when you do it yourself...come to think of it, how can anyone tell their children off for smoking, if they do it themselves? Same principle??

[LobsterQuadrille]

I've never heard anyone in my family swear - my mother once said "damn!" when her car wouldn't start and I was a teenager, and she apologised afterwards. I don't think that I have ever sworn - not that I'm bothered if other people do, just that swearing is only a collection of letters and there are plenty of more imaginative alternatives.

I don't think that your DB was unreasonable in his request but, equally, if it's how your parents have expressed themselves all their lives, of course they're going to slip up sometimes. So, yes, I guess he was overreacting a bit.

[caitlinohara]

There are different types of swearing. A ffs or similar when you break/drop something is fine imo, using swear words to describe a person is completely different and I would avoid that in front of children. But I don't understand why people find it so hard to accept that there can be different rules for adults and children, surely that is often the case in all kinds of cases.

[Amy214]

Wdigin2this he has sworn in front of the children before but when pulled up on it we were told its fine (assuming its one rule for him and another for us?)

Lobsterquadrille it is how they have expressed themselves all their lives and they have toned it down a lot! But they do have slip ups and when they do its like world war 3 with them all screaming at him to stop. I dont mind it as i cant control what they say and i cant change who they are.

[Amy214]

caitlinohara they never use the words directed at someone. More than likely something has happened at the football match on tv and he expresses his anger with a ffs or has hurt himself and he swears (which im sure a lot of people do)

[diddl]

" My brother has taken it to an extreme level in my opinion and tells our parents not to swear at all as he doesnt want his kids to hear"

Doesn't sound extreme to me at all.

How is not swearing in front of kids extreme?

Well, he could always not visit...

[LittleMissBossyBoots]

I'm another gobsmacked that your parents would choose swearing over seeing their grandchildren. That's all kinds of messed up.

[firesidechat]

You can't tell your children not to swear and then swear like a trooper yourself. It's hypocritical and most children learn by example. I hate habitual swearing too when every other word is a swear word. No need for it at all. I would be pretty angry myself if family members constantly swore in front of young children.

[TurtleEclipseofTheHeart]

I will put my neck out here and suggest that if they are the kind of people who can't/won't rein in inappropriate language around their grandchildren then perhaps the DB and SIL have bigger issues with them than just the swearing. Perhaps they feel disrespected as parents and/or see OPs parents as a bad influence so to the OP the shouting might seem extreme but DB and SIL may be having arguments along the lines of "you need to stop your rude parents disregarding our wishes and swearing around our impressionable DC; clearly they don't respect us and you need to make sure they know we won't tolerate it or we will have to go NC." Cue stressed DB losing his rag.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

He's being a git and totally U to shout at your parents. If he really feels strongly about it he should just tell them - if you can't stop swearing in front of DC then I won't be able to bring her round. Perhaps you can write letters so you can edit out the bad language."

Personally I don't care about what words are used, it's the meaning I think is important. You can be a vicious nasty person with very polite language. I'd rather not hear that than someone saying "fuck" every other word. Though I do find the overuse of swear words annoying, much as I dislike when people seemed to say "like" five times a minute in the 90s. They are best saved for exceptions in my opinion, but I wouldn't want my DC to have less time with otherwise loving grandparents because she might pick up swear words.

Is your brother, perhaps, just getting his own back for a childhood of double standards from your parents? I could see how being sent to his room when his parents swore freely might grate on his sense of justice. Bit juvenile to take it this far though.

[Amy214]

TurtleEclipseofTheHeart but if that is the problem then why wont SIL tell her parents to stop it aswell? I have met her parents and they are exactly the same as mine but when i try and talk to db and sil about it as i feel our parents are being singled out, i am told that i am talking rubbish. If SIL is uncomfortable with them swearing then why would she happy to leave the kids at my parents everyday so they can babysit?

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I was brought up in a relatively sweary household with the you can't swear as a kid rule. I didn't think less of my parents for having that attitude. However since DC were born I've had to ask my parents (well DF really) to tone it down. My DC are little and they behave like appropriate adults. Yes there's an occasional slip but they're genuinely remorseful and have the good grace to continue that even when I've sworn in front of my own DC

If I felt as strongly as your brother though I'd just up and take the DC next time. Then only let GPs see them at my house where its my rules.

[Amy214]

BoomBoomsCousin we all had the same punishment but he seems to be the only one like this.. My other siblings are fine with it like me as long as it isnt offensive, racist or being nasty to someone else

[StrictlyMumDancing]

*
however since DC were born I've NOT had to ask the to tone it down