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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed?

15 replies

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 16:10

I am really annoyed at db brother and SIL. They have well paying jobs, have a lovely house and car..

At least once or twice a month my dad gets a phonecall from him asking for money (tells him he needs food for the kids so he feels he has too, he doesnt want the kids to starve) most of the time i find out off facebook (i know!) that they are spending it on a takeaway or a night out. I told my dad this and he refused to give them any more (my dad only works part time and my mum doesnt work due to being disabled so the money they have is very limited) today he called again and my dad refused to give him any money (he said he needed to pay for his holiday which is pretty much already paid for) so he pestered me instead, he used the kids so i felt sorry for him and i ended up being talked into giving them £100. Now i have had time to think about it i am really irritated!. My road tax is due at the end of the month and so is my car insurance not only that i have to pay for my daughters playgroup fees (i need at least £700, insurance is high because i am a young driver) i also have to pay for petrol, pay towards rent, food etc.. I knew this month was going to be a struggle but i have savings and i dont really want to use them unless i have too. They are giving me the money back but literally a day before its all due to be paid for. I was supposed to be taking dd to pizza hut tonight but thats not happening as i cant afford too (we share a pizza between us, thankfully i havent told her as i wanted it to be a surprise) would it be unreasonable to ask for the money to be paid back first thing on the 28th? Would it be rude to ask what the hell they are spending their own money on?

OP posts:

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 21/05/2016 16:18

YABU to be annoyed...you know exactly what he's like and have even made sure your dad doesn't give him any money, yet you let yourself be talked into it knowing damn well what it'll be spent on and that the kids won't starve so you can't be annoyed at him over your own naivety

OurBlanche · 21/05/2016 16:21

Nope! Ask away, if he borrows then he is opening that particular door. If he moans about paying you back quickly tell him "I can't feed DD without it" Throw it right back in his face the second he hesitates.

Then stand firm with your DH and, as good old Zammo advised, "Just Say No!"

Lara2 · 21/05/2016 16:21

Hang on - you knew he was morally blackmailing your dad out of money, using the children, and you fell for the same tactics yourself? What on earth were you thinking? Demand your money back now and never give them any ever again!

Original poster

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 16:38

Its they way he says things and he doesnt stop going on about it and if the kids cry in the background 'its because they are hungry...' And i just felt terrible but now ive had time to think about it, i keep wondering what its for and if they post anything on facebook i will be speaking to them.

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 21/05/2016 16:54

Well, you know better and you are now more well armed. You managed to help your dad stand up to him. Now all you have to do is do the same for yourself.

If, as you suspect, he is a profligate spender and is using family members to avoid going to pay day loans, make it easy for himself, tell him to grow up. No more money from this purse! Use words like:

So, the two of you with 2 wages expect a man with a part time wage and disabled wife and a single mum(??) to sub your lifestyle, do you? Piss off!

Original poster

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 17:36

I do suspect that they spend more than they can afford. I will be telling them that the next time they even hint to borrowing money i will tell them no straight away and tell them i cant afford to as i have no money. I have suspected for some time now that they have a hidden/secret debt as there is no way a family who earn as much as they do need to borrow money all the time.

OP posts:

Gazelda · 21/05/2016 17:40

Tell him no next time. And then ask if he is having financial difficulties, as you are worried about how often he needs to borrow. Unless he and his wife face their debts, they're not going to get any better.

SheSparkles · 21/05/2016 17:44

Next time he asks-because we know there will be a next time-and says its for food for the children, tell him that you can give him some food out of your cupboard but you can't give him money. His reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.

And YANBU at all

Buggers · 21/05/2016 17:49

If I was you I would ring him up, sound very concerned and tell him you don't mind lending him money But you becoming very concerned about the kids having no food so you think it may be best to involve social services as you won't be able to lend money forever and your becoming really worried. He will soon stop asking and probably give the money back

Original poster

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 18:19

I have less money than they do but i still manage to have something in the freezer even if its chicken nuggets and chips, frozen pizza etc.. Just something to get us through until the next time we have money. The next time i will offer to pop to the shops for him (as i know how difficult it can be with kids) and drop the food off on my way home. If he says no i will know its not for food. I already suspect its not for food due to the facebook posts and i have already seen one from SIL saying she was waiting outside her friends house

OP posts:

balayage · 21/05/2016 18:23

Some people are born pisstakers and sadly your DB is one of them. Agree that if he pulls this shit in future, just offer to buy some food/ give him some tins etc from your cupboard. I expect he'll say no.

Original poster

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 18:34

I agree balayage i think hes just taking the piss, he told me payday is the 27th but im not getting it back until the 28th, he hasnt told me why but i will expect it to be paid into my account 1st thing and if it isnt i will call him and remind him.

OP posts:

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 21/05/2016 19:02

does he usually repay your dad?

refer him to food banks in the future

TheUnsullied · 21/05/2016 19:11

It sounds like you've handed over literally all of your spare cash. Why?! Does he at least pay your dad the cash back when he says he will? Because if not, you might be in a spot of bother when your bills are due.

Original poster

Amy214 · 21/05/2016 19:49

He does usually pay my dad back but with some reminding theunsullied i have savings aswell but thats my 'rainy day fund' and i dont want to touch that at all unless its a real emergency. My parents said they would help if i needed it but ive never borrowed money off them and i dont want to start because of them. I have told them that if i cant get my road tax then i cant take them to the airport.

OP posts:

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