to ask my kids not to start eating until everybody has sat down at the table...

[Grumpyoldme]

...when their grandparents are sitting there right next to them happily scoffing away before DH and I have even managed to serve up half the food let alone sit down to enjoy it with them???

They are lovely (the grandparents that is, the children are occasionally lovely too) but sadly not blessed with (m)any table manners... think eating with their faces semi submerged in the food like piglets round a trough, accompanying noises, eating with their mouths full, starting to clear the table and do the dishes before everyone has finished... I am sure recently they were preparing to grab my half eaten steak from underneath my nose had I not been armed with a steak knife and a menacing smile.

So what should I do? Wouldn't dream of telling the grandparents off, but how about my kids? They are 5 and 7 btw, so old enough to wait that extra minute or two until everyone has sat down. I could try and ask them discreetly to wait, but of course they would quite rightly scream point out "BUT LOOK! GRANDMA IS DOING IT TOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BEHAVE WHEN GRANDAD IS ALLOWED TO EAT ALREADY??"

Or do I just let it go in order to avoid embarrassment? Problem is, I am not the most relaxed of people to put it mildly, so would probably require a bottle of wine all to myself to obtain the required degree of chilledoutness. Grmph.

I suppose I could try to put the cutlery on the table AFTER all the food is served and everyone is ready... just have this image in my head of returning to the table with the cutlery only to find the four of them stuffing fistfuls of spaghetti down their mouths. Well at least DH and I would have sufficient forks for ourselves. One for each eyeball.

Definitely bring the plates in last so that you are all sat down together before food starts going on plates. My DC generally have to ask if they can start, too. On occasion if we are in a tearing rush I might tell them to start before everyone has been served, but generally they wait.

DH used to be a faffing about coming to the table type when we first started living together. I put up with it for less than a month before we had words. I just explained I found it very rude that I'd gone to the trouble of making him a meal, and he waited until I said it was on the table before starting doing all the various things he had to do like go to the loo, make a drink etc before he was comfortable to eat. I pointed out I didn't do it on the nights he cooked and would be ready to eat when he said the food was ready, not 10 minutes later. I pointed out I had the choice when he faffed of waiting for my food to be cold, or being rude to him by starting without him, and as we both worked long hours, I wanted us to eat together and talk about our days, not eat most of my meal alone.

He apologised, I started giving him a 5 minute warning. Sometimes he does still wait and faff, but at least acknowledges he's being rude and apologise.

Have any of you married to pre-dinner faffers pointed out the rudeness of their behaviour towards you and asked them to stop? It's not very loving if your DP points out something you do upsets them to not make an effort to change your behaviour.

I would continue to teach your children to wait.

"BUT LOOK! GRANDMA IS DOING IT TOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BEHAVE WHEN GRANDAD IS ALLOWED TO EAT ALREADY??"

And that ^^ would be met with, "Because your grandparents are adults so I don't get to tell them what to do".

There are many things that adults are allowed to do that kids aren't, so they might as well get used to it.

We had this problem OP and resorted to setting plates and cutlery last. It worked and was obviously so subtle that when I asked DD(20) about it just now she had no recollection of it.

DPiL were lovely people, we didnt want to offend them but found their helping themselves and diving in immediately food was on the table something we couldnt tolerate when they were staying for a week.

Our children have been taught to wait until we are all ready (2 yr old has nearly grasped it!!?!). My daughter would definitely mention it to grandparents for us, she told my MIL to take her shoes off at the door because she has too - on the plus side she hasn't worn her shoes in the carpet since! It might do the trick for you with the children and the grandparents!

Could you say - grandparents are guests so they dont have to obey our table rules - or something to that effect. My dh and his parents have bad table manners so i feel your pain!

I love the withholding cutlery idea. My children used to resist instructions that they must start eating. Even with the passive aggressive 'it's really silly to let your food go cold' smirky faces.