to ask my kids not to start eating until everybody has sat down at the table...

[Grumpyoldme]

...when their grandparents are sitting there right next to them happily scoffing away before DH and I have even managed to serve up half the food let alone sit down to enjoy it with them???

They are lovely (the grandparents that is, the children are occasionally lovely too) but sadly not blessed with (m)any table manners... think eating with their faces semi submerged in the food like piglets round a trough, accompanying noises, eating with their mouths full, starting to clear the table and do the dishes before everyone has finished... I am sure recently they were preparing to grab my half eaten steak from underneath my nose had I not been armed with a steak knife and a menacing smile.

So what should I do? Wouldn't dream of telling the grandparents off, but how about my kids? They are 5 and 7 btw, so old enough to wait that extra minute or two until everyone has sat down. I could try and ask them discreetly to wait, but of course they would quite rightly scream point out "BUT LOOK! GRANDMA IS DOING IT TOO! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BEHAVE WHEN GRANDAD IS ALLOWED TO EAT ALREADY??"

Or do I just let it go in order to avoid embarrassment? Problem is, I am not the most relaxed of people to put it mildly, so would probably require a bottle of wine all to myself to obtain the required degree of chilledoutness. Grmph.

I suppose I could try to put the cutlery on the table AFTER all the food is served and everyone is ready... just have this image in my head of returning to the table with the cutlery only to find the four of them stuffing fistfuls of spaghetti down their mouths. Well at least DH and I would have sufficient forks for ourselves. One for each eyeball.

We don't insist on it at home but they know to do it in polite company.

I let the kids start as they take longer to eat than we do. My family wait and eat together the in laws all just dig in as the food arrives. All British, so no cultural differences. Families all work differently but yours should work how you and your DH want it to

Sorry but YABU.

Eat with mouths closed ....yes

Polite table manners... Yes

But I don't care who is eating if everyone has not been served. I don't want my food to go cold

Why is everyone sitting at the table before you've finished dishing up? Wouldn't it be easier to keep them all out of the kitchen / dining room and call them in when everything is ready?

I do think it's good to instil good table manners early, so that kids know how to behave, even if it's relaxed in some circumstances.

We have an older friend whose table manners are truly appalling - nobody ever wants to sit opposite him at the table. He is clever and had a successful career so you'd think he might have picked up certain things - like not eating with your mouth open and making pig noises - even if his parents never taught him. You can tell a child how to behave, but how many people ever point out such things to an adult? They don't, or hardly ever - they just cringe.

Please, please do teach them. Most of my table manners were instilled by a friend's parents when I was a teenager - it was embarrassing enough then to realise that I didn't know what to do.

Now as an adult I often eat at formal meals - armed forces events, private members clubs in London etc. Events that my parents would have absolutely no clue about, and I'm incredibly grateful that I know the basic social etiquette my friend's parent taught me.

If the kids are made to wait, so should the grandparents!

I wasn't taught this as a child, despite generally being taught very good table manners in terms of cutlery- holding and passing the salt etc, and a rule about always thanking my Mum for cooking the food and asking before I left the table. I picked it up at University I think but still have to consciously remember to wait before tucking in when in company

Are all family members from the same culture? I only say this because someone once said to me waiting was a cultural thing. I wasn't sure which culture he was talking about because we were both English, albeit he had some northern European background and I have a bit of French background going way back... Or is it posh not to wait?

I taught my children to wait until we are all sitting down with food on our plates to start eating.

Sometimes I find them ignoring the rule now they are teens and I hate it and they get a stern stink eye and they stop.

I am not huge on table manners, but that is one thing I do find really rude. I don't care how you use your cutlery or anything like that but you don't start eating until we are all ready and you thank the cook before you go anywhere.

I would be telling them (the kids) to wait until everyone is served. With a bit of luck GP's will notice and then wait. If not then not a lot you can do about them - but definitely tell your children. I hate when everyone starts before the person slogging away cooking even sits down!

I think it's important to teach good table manners. Good idea to bring in the cutlery last.
My parents never taught me this and I only learnt as a young adult, I must have offended some people over the years.

Am totally with you OP. I would bring the plates to the table last and hand them around,

I can't be doing with fafing around waiting for people whilst your food goes cold.

I think there's a difference between waiting for someone who is pissing about and had prior warning, versus get stuck in while the cook finishes the preparation.

I suppose that this was never a problem in families who observed the tradition of saying grace before every meal.

The rule is right and you should serve grandparents last and hand around cutlery when everyone is served. Don't give GPs the option to undermine what you are teaching the DCs.

It's important to teach kids proper table manners but IMO the place to observe those isn't in the home. Growing up, I was taught that at home it was fine to start hot food as it was served but it was polite to wait for everyone to be ready before eating if the food is cold. Being more relaxed at home didn't stop any of us from knowing how to behave when we were elsewhere. The idea that some posters seem to have, that if you don't grow up observing these rules daily you know to use them as adults, is quite ridiculous.

In these circumstances it would actually be far ruder for you to say something pointed about waiting, whether to the GPs or to your children, because it would embarrass your guests. That would be really poor hosting, far poorer than a guest not realising you expected them to wait a minute longer before eating.

"You can teach them when the grandparents aren't there. How is it good manners to embarrass guests"

This. As your children grow there will be countless occasions when other people have different rules. Your job is to repeat (in private!) "well, I don't care about those other people, I am parenting you". The more confidently you say it, the more impressive it sounds. Soon your children are going to be mixing with contemporaries who have different rules about serious things (drugs, sex, meeting online strangers). It will be a massive advantage if both you and your children are already comfortably settled into the "I don't care what other people do, this is what you do" mindset.

Or to think of it another way, there must be people in the world with stricter or simply different table manners to yours. How would you feel if you and your children were visiting someone with a different set of rules from yours and the hosts kept pointing it out loudly. Would you think "oh what lovely and well mannered people these are"?

Hand on heart, being Swedish, do you really remember to say "please" as often as a British person would consider polite? (never met a Swede who did, and that includes myself though I try very hard) Would you want it pointed out aloud when visiting younger relatives of your dh? Would you want to be told in public that you have to follow the same rules as the other family?

Hello op, I have this same gripe with my dh's parents. They would quite happily be half way through their meal while I was still serving the children and cutting up their food for them. I find it teeth grindingly rude but they are absolutely oblivious.

I vented about it on Mumsnet and someone made a brilliant suggestion on my thread which I have used ever since (when they come here). Put the plates and the food on the table with serving spoons, but bring the cutlery to the table last when everyone has sat down and has food on their plates.

Bibbitty, serve the children's food and ask the grandparents if they would mind chopping it up for them so that you can just have a moment to finish serving up.

My parents were very strict on table manners and I have been glad of it recently when my job has seen me at a couple of vair posh dinners - one in a castle with chaps in Mess dress etc- and I was so relieved that I didn't disgrace myself.

I don't remember feeling that my parents were overly strict but to this day I maintain the lessons they taught me. I get a little fed up with my OH sometimes when he's farting around while the food's on the table, but still I wait.