AIBU to not want DS 13 to go to a small festival with his Dad (Ex)?

[winniethepooh3]

My Ex wants to take my DS and his friend to a festival this summer. He hasn't asked me directly, just told DS he's doing it and said to him that it's just a small festival. I think Ex and his GF were planning on going anyway and it coincided with the weekend he asked to have him.

I don't know what kind of festival, but I had a look and it didn't seem particularly family friendly, it's not huge, but a rock music kind of event.

I'm always a bit nervous of festivals and teenagers, personally I don't think that they are a good mix, even some of the smaller ones, apart from the ones specifically for kids.

The parents I've known who bring theirs tend to let the kids wander on their own in the evenings, feeling that they will be perfectly safe but really having no idea where they are, limited phone contact, and around a lot of drinking.

Teenagers are by nature wanting to experiment, but in a crowd at a rock concert at 13 at night at night? I'd just rather they went when they were over 18.

Which festival? They all have different characters and some are fine for teens.

It really depends on which festival tbh.

I have taken dd to 3 festivals but they were family friendly - last one was CarFest and her and her friend were 12y. We let them go off a bit on their own during the day - mobile reception was iffy but it felt fairly small once in the festival and v friendly. We just had check in times and location. At night they stayed with us we were all listening to the music.

Dd loves going to concerts and loved the festivals. She's going to another with a couple of friends and their mums later in the summer - looks fairly small and possibly more folky. I assume they will be off on their own a fair bit tbh - they're 14.

But yes definite depends on which festival - some are more suitable than others.

Depends on the festival, but I wouldn't be concerned.

I think I'd out myself if I named it. It is small, but not advertised for families at all. I know a lot of people are fine with them, but to me it's the same as letting my child go to an adult concert on his own, as they are not going to stick together all evening, and 13 is too young I think.

Yanbu for feeling as you do

But nothing you can do if he wants to take him on 'his' weekend

Not sure where you're from OP but there's a small festival takes place near me beginning with a B. If that's the one you're on about then there wouldn't be a bloody chance.

Maybe it's because they are of the 'laid back' parenting too. He took my son to a festival aged 10, admittedly a very small one, but let him wander about after dark on his own. To me that is just too young. You don't know anyone there, no phone contact.

I've a couple of friends whose teenagers had bad experiences at festivals with them, one at 15 decided to drink with some other teenagers they met, got very sick and a boy tried it on. Another teenager girl of my friend had an adult befriend her, no obvious untoward thing happened, but she didn't have the social skills to ask him to leave her alone, and he asked a lot about where she lived etc and seemed unduly interested. She only plucked up courage to tell her parents after they had got back, and they had left her alone loads thinking she was perfectly happy, but she was quite distressed. Maybe that is partly my reservations.

During the day being able to wander, with check back points, in a fairly family friendly place, and sticking together in either a small stage with a small crowd or by tents, I can understand. But my Ex isn't like that.

Ohboll - is it because you don't think that one is safe?

13 may be too young for the event anyhow. Some gigs and festivals have age restrictions. Check that out before you say anything to ex.
My first proper gig experience was at 14 Went with some friends, it was a rock band. Parents picked us up at the end. So it's not like 13 is too young to be going to gigs and the like, but yeah it sounds like maybe this festival isn't that suitable for younger music fans...

It's rife with drugs, day and night, fights, people sneaking in etc.

Without knowing the festival it's hard to say for sure but I am sure it will be fine, they're probably more family-friendly than you think (many have family camping areas!) and I have often seen many children younger than 13 at various rock festivals. If you trust DH to look after your child, there's no reason a festival should be any less safe than going to the park

The small festival with a B is likely the same one I've worked at a few times and I'd be happy to take a 13 year old

I think as long as they have phones and try to stay with each other all day a festival would be a great experience, I've been going to festivals since I was about 12 and have always loved them. X

It's just I know they won't stay with each other all day. Also Exs phone is always on the blink. I'm sure my DS will like the freedom, but he'd like to do a load of things I'd rather he wait for.

I went to Donington when I'd just hit 15, with my 18 year old brother and his mates. It was amazing (and also my first gig!). Went again the following year, just with mates of the same age, although I'd been to loads of metal gigs by that point.

If it's something like Bloodstock, and if your ex and gf are responsible, and your son and his friend are into rock/metal, I'd let him go - it's a cracking lineup this year, normally a great atmosphere and very friendly. I wish I could go myself (bit close to my due date unfortunately, although the idea of popping out a sprog to Raining Blood does hold a certain appeal...).