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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel holiday...

77 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 19/05/2016 20:21

In light of today's (horrific) disaster?

Hysterical flier anyway. Have tried meds, courses, nothing worked. Finally agreed to go " for the kids & DH" then this happens.

Have spent whole day shaking and being physically sick.

DCs are both fairly young and tbh would probably enjoy a week somewhere driveable just as much. DH may never forgive me. If make mind up quickly would "only" lose the deposit.

Am I being completely crazy. Feeling utterly terrified. & those poor poor people, can't stop thinking about it..

OP posts:

Coconutty · 19/05/2016 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kateyjane · 19/05/2016 21:32

Try and get some better medication - it does work - you just need the right thing. Good luck

AnnieOnnieMouse · 19/05/2016 21:33

I understand that you are anxious, but I would get on any plane without a second thought. These accidents and incidents are rare - therefore you are now far less likely to be involved with one.
for anyone with loved ones aboard

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/05/2016 21:34

Yes you are being crazy. DH should not suffer because of your crazy.

Go get yourself hypnotherapy, stronger drugs, whatever to help yourself get through it.

And don't start with me on "none of those things work for me" bollocks. My DH is terrified of flying. He tried saying that but eventually had to admit that he avoided the therapies/treatments because he was scared of them working and thus he would get on a plane, which he is terrified of, so he was too terrified to get the therapy

DC and I lurve travel and he hates being left out so he sucked it up, got treatment and can now fly. He is still somewhat anxious but it doesn't spoil his holiday or the weeks running up to it. He can't watch air crash investigations tv programmes with me and DS1 though.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/05/2016 21:36

All these people who are likely to die in the car on their way to the airport, plus the aeroplane journey jeopardy aren't comforting me funnily enough

Lottielo · 19/05/2016 21:43

Having read this thread I'm now terrified about both flying and travelling by car! I may as well cancel my plans to drive from one end of the UK to the other this summer!

BennyTheBall · 19/05/2016 21:43

Hmm, I don't know.

The risk of a terrorist attack is probably exactly the same as when you booked your holiday.

It makes no sense whatsoever to me, but if you're shaking and sick today, what are you going to be like in 2 months? Is it worth it? Can your dh and dcs go without you?

lurkingfromhome · 19/05/2016 21:44

OP do you have the Flightradar app on your phone? I wonder if it might help you a little bit to get some sense of perspective by looking at the sheer number of planes in the sky at any one time, not just over the uk but worldwide. When you see all the hundreds of tiny plane icons you really do get the idea of just how many flights there are all day every day and how this one crash, awful as it is, really is a one in several million occurrence.

GirlOutNumbered · 19/05/2016 21:49

I am a terrible flyer, I have found meds from the doctors and wine can be quite effective.

However, I flew for the first time with kids over Easter. I didn't want to be wasted, so just sucked it up on a gin and tonic. I found flying with the kids easier, because I wanted to make it exciting for them, so they wouldn't be scared like me.

So I kept chatting about stuff and being excited about it and actually found that it wasn't that bad.

I do try and tell myself that the only risk in going on a plane is the car journey to the airport.... but it is hard. See your doctor.

Sapph1r3 · 19/05/2016 21:53

I flew every year of my childhood and suddenly when I got to 15 the terror kicked in. I didn't fly for ten years because I was so scared. I have since started for the children's sake and been to Spain and Florida multiple times. However, I cannot fly without being drugged and drunk. It's literally the only way forward for me. I'm still functioning but if the plane was going to crash, I couldn't care less! Diazepam is a wonderful thing :) See your GP before you fly and enjoy your holiday.

MintJulip · 19/05/2016 21:59

op where are you going?

a holiday is supposed to be relaxing. I understand if you feel you want to drive somewhere even with the awful road stats,

ButtonsAndBows · 19/05/2016 22:00

I hate flying anyway and try to avoid at all costs but have family now in India of all places ! Don't go if you don't want to, go to Spain and drive or something . I know technically it's more dangerous but there is something next level about the risk in a plane. When I fly I go with the ummmm "local" airlines, not British or Americans and load up on diazepam. Needs must in my case but I wouldn't particularly choose to fly if avoidable.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 19/05/2016 22:02

I'm sat in an airport awaiting a transatlantic flight. Yes slightly worried but the world has to keep turning and life has to go on

silvernail · 19/05/2016 22:02

I am due to fly somewhere very close to Cairo next month. The place I'm going has dealt with terrorism in the past and I've spent a lot of time recently convincing myself I have nothing to worry about. But now the news today has got me terrified, even though I know I'm being silly. I don't think this will stop me going though because I know I'd be miserable if I cancelled. But I'm really nervous.

lurkingfromhome is right about looking at flight radars and seeing all the planes up in the sky; it's very comforting. I used to be quite scared of flying in general when I was younger but I just decided I wanted to see the world and not live in fear.

UpsiLondoes · 19/05/2016 22:02

The reason they suspect terrorism when a plane just disappears is that planes don't just break without warning and fall to the ground. There would have been communication if there was a mechanical problem. And there is very rarely a mechanical problem because the planes are so incredibly well maintained. I'd be more worried by threat of terrorism enroute to airport or at the destination than the airplane itself.

Mouseinahole · 19/05/2016 22:05

I will be going to Istanbul later this year....

TheFairyCaravan · 19/05/2016 22:07

I'd still go. I'm not a nervous flyer anyway.

There was a woman on This Morning today (an expert on these things) and she said they thought the bomb that brought down the plane frkm Shark was in a drinks can under a seat. They thought it was under a seat. She said it's sensible for passengers to check under your seat when you board a flight. DH has been doing this for years, I thought he was a bit mad. Obviously not.

HRHlikeahornyponywould · 19/05/2016 22:09

I would wait to see what has happened to this plane first, terrorism maybe a cause or something completely different.

I had to fly last year the day after the German wings crash and I was nervous about flying.

My husband is a pilot. He is in work tomorrow morning. He's fantastic at his job.

Look at flight radar and see how many planes are flying at this moment, it's incredible really how safe they are

Lucyccfc · 19/05/2016 22:09

A friend of mine was just like you and would only holiday in the UK due to her fear. As her children got a bit older, she realised that her fear was not fair to her children. She had hypnotherapy and also some mess from the Doctor. She has flown twice now and the last 2 years. I'm really proud of her.

I know I am more at risk from the high mileage I do in my car each week, as statistically I am more likely to be injured or die in a car accident. Doesn't stop me from driving.

I am taking my DS to France to watch England play in the Euro's. The risk of a terrorist incident has not been something I have really thought about and we are also flying to France via Brussels. I am. It worried about this either.

I will not put my life on hold or stop doing things due to a small risk. I am more likely to be run over by a bus outside my house than I am to be blown up by a terrorist in a football stadium in France or a loony at Brussels airport.

Lucyccfc · 19/05/2016 22:10

Meds, not mess (flipping auto-correct).

leccybill · 19/05/2016 22:10

I'm flying into Charles de Gaulle at half term and I'm a very nervous flyer. But it's DD's first trip to Disneyland so I will try to supress my fear and act jolly whilst inwardly bricking it.

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 19/05/2016 22:10

Thanks all, esp lurking - that Flightradar app did make me feel a little better.

Runrabbitrun - interesting theory. I definitely can't say I don't 'want' to try things or get better. I love travel, flew happily most of my life when younger. Hate being confined to driveable / sea locations. Certainly wouldn't stop DH travelling without me & have forced myself onto planes so the family can go places...But I'm not just scared in the air. I'm completely hysterical (involuntarily - it's bloody embarrassing). I spent quite a lot of money on the BA Fear of Flying course only to be told they couldn't help me...during the flight on the course I went so bonkers that they had to keep me walking up and down the plane and said if it was a 'real' flight, take off would have been delayed to force me to get off. I've seen the Dr lots of times - Valium didn't really help. & I make myself sick with worry / can't sleep for months leading up to a holiday, not just days.

Yes I knew all this before I booked. But I was absolutely determined to get a grip and do it because I hate myself for not doing and for holding my family back. But this plane crash in the news has completely sent my phobia haywire, all the mindfulness work I was doing has gone out the window and I feel like I'm having some sort of meltdown.

DH is being utterly gorgeous about it, says it's not worth this much distress and to just cancel but I feel so so bad and I totally get everything you're all saying about statistical chances.

The big problem for me is that the statistics don't matter. I realise I could get hit by a car tomorrow or die in any multitude of ways. But of all the ways to die in the would for me, falling out of the sky would be my least 'preferred' option. I feel like in lots of other likely death scenarios, you at least stand some tiny shot at escape. But if you're that high in the sky in a flying metal tube that explodes or falls, you have no chance at all....& its the fact that for a few minutes at least you'd be aware of what was happening. So despite the ridiculous odds, even that minute chance feels too much to me. It's my absolute worst nightmare.

But despite that...if this hadn't hit the news today, I was ready to grit my teeth and try. Just feel this has pushed it too far.

Keep reading about what's happened...Just feel so sad for the famillies left behind and imagining what the passengers must have gone through...:(

OP posts:

Redtomatojuice · 19/05/2016 22:26

I've been trying to get over my car phobia too... Now I'm flying or walking to my destination...

Vickyyyy · 19/05/2016 22:32

How rare is an incident like today?

I think a lot of people get slightly hysterical when things like this happen. The odds are just..miniscule. probably more likely to win the lottery than have something happen on a flight.

FaFoutis · 19/05/2016 22:36

YANBU
Leaving everything else aside holidays are about enjoying yourself. It won't be much fun if you feel like that.

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