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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unreasonable punishment to force a child to eat cereal covered in ribena?

109 replies

AliceScarlett · 19/05/2016 15:45

That's unreasonably harsh right? Poured it over instead of milk, but why not just throw it away and start again?
Then mocked when started crying because of nausea.
Is this a reasonable punishment for wasting food and then not being able to eat it?

Sorry, odd thread, just can't get my head around it.

OP posts:

CherryColaLola · 19/05/2016 16:36

Don't validate her OP. Wasting food is no excuse. I have a six year old with suspected ADHD - she does lots of stupid stuff like this, every bloody day. It's so much more important to ensure she's happy and not traumatised than she's not wasting food. My dad was born in the 50s. I suspect DH had similar with his dad born in the 40s. It's no excuse really, I bet loads of kids in the 80/90s weren't physically punished, or at least I hope this was unusual, my counsellor is a similar age to my dad and believes so. Thank god we are aware of the abuse and combat it rather than replicate it.

CarolH78 · 19/05/2016 16:39

That wouldn't have been a punishment at all in our house! Both DS and DD growing up would quaff ribena whenever they could get their little hands on it (which wasn't that often). They'd think Christmas had come early if they'd been able to have it on cereal instead of milk!

No, forcing a child to eat something as a punishment isn't on in my book. Laughing at the child sounds horrible. But I'm not sure why they'd be nauseous? Unless it was neat ribena of course in which case ugh poor thing.

YANBU

Ivegotyourgoat · 19/05/2016 16:42

It's definitely not ok.

My sister remembers my dad forcing her to eat dry instant mash because that's all they had in the cupboard. I doubt he even remembers.

These things really stay with you.

I'm in my 30s and I do think things were different even then, I remember my dad smoking in the car and feeling like I was choking, it makes me angry to this day.

What your mum did was really bad even by 80s standards.

SnapCackleFlop · 19/05/2016 16:42

AliceScarlett I understand the problem of the no siblings thing. I had a difficult relationship with my mother and my dad tended to appease her. Having no siblings has meant for me never feeling really validated in my memories of childhood, always wondering if maybe everything was my fault.

Of course having siblings doesn't mean you have a perfect childhood but just someone saying, 'don't worry she's in a terrible mood' would have made a world of difference for me.

Take care of yourself - hope you can get past all the crappy stuff

Sandsnake · 19/05/2016 16:54

No it's bloody not OK OP. Really sorry this happened and can understand why you still think about it

Even if you had done it on purpose it would not have been an appropriate punishment.

UptownFunk00 · 19/05/2016 16:55

It's never OK to do that in my opinion.

My DH was "forced" to eat fruit at school and now he won't eat most fruit- counter productive.

liz70 · 19/05/2016 16:55

Fucks sake. I once accidentally drank some neat elderflower cordial - mistook it for a sparkling drink. Honestly I nearly passed out - I was choking and wheezing as if I were having an asthma attack. It was frightening. Poor you, OP.

NarcyCow · 19/05/2016 16:56

That's abuse, pure and simple.

I remember my dad tried to force me to eat a mouldy sandwich he found in my schoolbag. It was completely covered, there was no actual bread visible, just bluey-green mould. He didn't manage to make me in the end but I've never forgotten it. Mind you, he was also the one who made me stand on a chair in the middle of the kitchen as a punishment. Not so traumatic, you'd think, but every time someone else came in and asked what was going on, he'd tell them and they'd roar laughing at me, stuck up there bawling.

I know kids can push you to extremes but I can't imagine ever doing things like that to mine. It was as if they didn't realise we were actually people.

corythatwas · 19/05/2016 16:59

I don't think it is necessarily an older generation thing. My granddad was born in the 1890s; he could remember people starving, and did get very anxious about food waste, but he was also a gentle man who would never in any way enjoy the humiliation or fear of a child.

There are ways of dealing with undesirable behaviour in children (and this one was not even your undesirable behaviour since you did not pour the Ribena) which do not involve laughing at their upset.

Both my IL's were born before WW2, my FIL before WW1, and quite poor when dh was little, but they were also very aware of their dc's feelings and would never humiliate or frighten them.

I also hate food waste. But you can deal with that by simply not plating up more than people will eat and not buying things you can't afford to waste. My children drank water most of the time, and had Ribena and pudding only for special occasions. But mealtimes were pleasant.

GreenBeans17 · 19/05/2016 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StableButDeluded · 19/05/2016 17:04

It's not a generational thing, it's an 'abusive bastard' thing.
My parents were born in the 1930's, and they would never dream of doing this to any of their three children. Nor did their parents do anything like that to them.
We were taught not to deliberately waste food and to have manners at the table etc but this is a different thing altogether.

randomer · 19/05/2016 17:10

I got scrubbed in the bath if I had a nice time with my dad.....doesn't sound quite right. Suggest you perhaps try and find a counselllor

LagunaBubbles · 19/05/2016 17:13

If the child poured the ribena in their own cereal then yeah they should eat it.

Seriously? Thats abuse in my eyes.

AbelMancwitch · 19/05/2016 17:31

I had similar "parents" - there is no point talking to them about it either as it all "never happened" and I'm "irrational and exaggerate".

I second the recommendation for counselling.

madein1995 · 19/05/2016 17:31

Definitely not ok. To force a child to eat ANYTHING is wrong, let alone making food as a punishment. Completely wrong. If the child had made it and tucked in before parent noticed then different story, but so many things wrong in this scenario - food shouldnt be a punishment for various reasons, children shouldn't be punished for curiosity (which I'm assuming trying ribena flavoured cornflakes is), food should never be forced as its abuse, and parents laughing is disgraceful. I'm so sorry it happened to you op. xx

AdoraBell · 19/05/2016 17:35

Completely unreasonable Alice, and I'm sorry this was done to you.

If my DDs had done that I would allow them to taste it if they wanted to but not force them to eat it. As Stable says, this was not about wasting food.

WyldChyld · 19/05/2016 17:39

Definitely an abuse thing. My dad (in his 60s) talks about being taught by nuns who one day spent two hours making him eat macaroni cheese despite him being violently sick. He's allergic to dairy. The school knew.

His mum is the same and had the same thing happen to her with rice pudding.

Some people are sadistic bastards.

TwoLeftSocks · 19/05/2016 17:44

Agree that it's definitely not about wasting food. Sounds downright cruel and unloving. Sorry it happened to you op.

Interesting that there's someone else on this thread that doesn't like mince. DH won't eat it after being made to eat it as a child, not forced but no alternative for days on end so it was that or starve. Interestingly enough, his DM made cottage pie specially, to prove a point / show she still has control, last time he was down there.

FreshHorizons · 19/05/2016 17:49

Completely unreasonable whatever the circumstances.

Birdsgottafly · 19/05/2016 17:53

""the child poured the ribena in their own cereal then yeah they should eat it.""
""Seriously? Thats abuse in my eyes.""

It should be abuse, by anyone's standards. Making a child go hungry, as stated in this thread, is an abuse of power.

Those saying that there's circumstances that make this ok, if a SAHM did this out of sleep deprivation etc and her Husband stood over her and made her eat it until she was sick, would that also be ok?

Or do only Adults get respect and bodily autonomy?

If you can't afford to lose one bowl of cereal, you need to reevaluate what your spending your money on.

Children are easily damaged, they aren't and have never been 'resilient', they don't 'bounce back' to what they were before these types of events.

ElectroStallion · 19/05/2016 18:22

Neat ribena? Yikes, that's really OTT.

NeedACleverNN · 19/05/2016 18:34

If the child poured the ribena in their own cereal then yeah they should eat it.

Seriously? Thats abuse in my eyes.

Let me clarify this. I said that about a child who poured the ribena themselves because that's what they wanted to do or was having a tantrum and did in temper. When I say that yes they should eat it, I mean that to be the consequence of their own actions. If they don't like it, I would take the food away and replace it but make them understand that they shouldn't have done it in the first place.

If they DO like it, well it would be a one off thing anyway as I wouldn't give them a chance to do it again

TwoLeftSocks · 19/05/2016 19:42

I gather it was poured accidentally, NeedACleverNN.

I poured my cup of tea over my shreddies the other day and put my spoon in the fridge. It happens. I threw my cereal away and stared again.

If my DS did it accidentally he'd get the same treatment. If he did it on purpose, there would possibly be a consequence, depending on the situation, but I wouldn't use food as a punishment. Therein lies a fucked up relationship with food.

NeedACleverNN · 19/05/2016 19:46

If it was an accident it would be thrown straight away.

If it was a "I want ribena on my cereal even though mum said no" situation I would give em a chance to eat it.

I wouldn't FORCE them though.

TwoLeftSocks · 19/05/2016 19:51

Fair enough.

A chance to eat out would be fair (weirder combinations have worked in the past I'm sure), I think everyone's in agreement that what they OP's mum did was not fair in the slightest.

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