Unreasonable punishment to force a child to eat cereal covered in ribena?

[AliceScarlett]

That's unreasonably harsh right? Poured it over instead of milk, but why not just throw it away and start again?
Then mocked when started crying because of nausea.
Is this a reasonable punishment for wasting food and then not being able to eat it?

Sorry, odd thread, just can't get my head around it.

No I wouldn't make a child eat anything ever.

Just read your update. Even so, it would depend on all sorts of factors, but mainly your relationship with your mother. When I was 6, I might well have played with my food though I knew this was unacceptable because we couldn't afford it. I might have been angry about punishment at the time but it would not have left scars. Also, I loved neat Ribena and it would not have made me ill; in fact, I had to be stopped from drinking it for financial reasons. And I had a good relationship with my mother.

So none of that compares with the vibes coming from your post. This isn't really about the Ribena, is it? It's about a whole childhood of not feeling secure around your mother?

Then no it was an accident and your mother sounds like a bit of a dick

Was she like this a lot?

New update: I think you have put your finger on it there. You felt your mother enjoyed your upset and humiliation. That must be horrible.

I never had that feeling so a similar punishment would just have been that, a punishment, something to be dealt with and then forgotten. And my mother would never have punished for a genuine mistake, unless I was being inattentive after I had been told off.

That's quite horrible especially as it was a mistake not messing around with the food.

Was she usually so horrible. Not making excuses for her but perhaps she was very stressed and just lost it?

This specific incident didn't happen often, I never did it again! But she would make me finish large portions of pudding or I had to sit at the table for hours and if I didn't eat it she would hold my nose so I had to swallow or not breathe. Idk. I think she just thought I needed to eat. Odd way of going about it though. I used to work in a nursery, we would never do that.

yes its harsh, but I remember being forced to miss break times in a school I was already deeply un happy in, because I didnt want to eat cold spinach.

This isn't really about the Ribena, is it? It's about a whole childhood of not feeling secure around your mother?

Yeah true. She was very volatile.

You felt your mother enjoyed your upset and humiliation. That must be horrible.

Yeah... Thanks for validating.

Thanks people

Have you had the chance to ask her why she did those things?

I feel for you, I remember things like this from childhood and they never leave you. I'm 58 and still remember being forced to sit on my own in the kitchen with tears streaming into my grey mince and mash because I couldn't eat the animal that the mince had been. Didn't know about vegetarianism then. My mother gloating btw... such power over a little kid.... pathetic.

I knew this would be you as a child OP. I was forced to eat a couple of things by my dad as a young child. I threw up on one occasion and won't ever eat that food again - it's a normal combination other people enjoy. My dad is an abusive arsehole and so is your mum. I'm trying counselling again and it's clear my dad destroyed my confidence and self esteem. I'd never force my kids to eat anything no matter how naughty.

Yeah it's not normal. The worst thing my mum did was make us sit there when she served up chops (we hated them) for the nth time for what felt like hours but she never force fed us.

My dad also enjoyed it but he was/is a nasty bully who never grew up. He's abusive to my kids but I'm the one with the 'power' now, I don't need him but he wants to see my kids. But he will never validate me, never admit how bad things were (mum was mentally ill). I guess your mum would deny it too.

YANBU- Very unkind!

that sounds like something parents of a much older generation would have done tbh.
My dad would have probably done this, and probably did, but he was born in 1933 and had a much harsher upbringing.

Personally, if my DD did this then I'd basically throw it away and let her go hungry till lunch as a consequence of wasting food.

Cherry sorry you can relate. I'm glad you have the power now. My Dad was also abusive.

My mum would deny it if she even remembered it. She would say it's important to not waste food. Which is true.

She stood over me and physically forced it into my mouth after her telling me to stopped working because I felt nauseous. No no no no no. That is not something you do to a little child.

I remember several similar incidents with both me and my sister. We have both had it out with her and she flat out denies that it ever happened. She has said that we are liars. Either she ascribed so little importance to it that she forgot or she is ashamed and wants us to be lying about it. Personally I think its that she genuinely doesnt remember doing it, she had serious hormonal issues when we were kids and when she was in one of her rages she was insensible. It happened so often that I daresay she cant remember any one incident, if any.

I have flashbacks too, and there is a reason I cant eat anything with mince in it..... :(

It's an awful thing she did OP.

If you're in any doubt, this is the very definition of cruel and unusual punishment, which is how we define "unfair" in the civilised world.

And accidents don't deserve punishments at all.

Sounds like a mean person, like the one that got arrested and jailed after forcing a child to eat their vomit and hitting them, IIRC.

I think that's appalling! It's wasn't ok then and it's not now.

People make mistakes, sometimes everyone drops stuff or pours the wrong thing in or accidentally trips up and damages something. It's easy to shout at children- I once berated my dd a bit for dropping something, I then dropped something myself and she said 'see mum, everyone makes mistakes' and that's really stuck with me since and I never tell them off for making a mistake, even if it is rather annoying/exasperating.

Your mum sounds like she had issues with control and food, no wonder this one stuck in your mind, it's horrible (and I bet you have hated Ribena ever since).

I'm just into my 30s but my parents were born during the war, probably an older generation thing.

In a weird way I'm glad most of you are saying it's not OK, makes me feel better about how much distress I experience when I remember it.
It's that horrible thing where you want comfort but the only thing around is the person who is causing the distress in the first place. No siblings so I felt really alone.

God, yanbu. I would never do this to a child. I guess it depends what your relationship with your mum is like generally.

If it's otherwise good, I can tell you that I was a child of the 70's, and my parents had had it very strongly instilled in them that to waste food was a sin. Their own parents had been through WWII, rationing and whatever - and to waste food was a very bad thing to them - my dad kept this mindset his whole life, and we were always made to eat everything on our plates, never allowed to throw food away.

However, the way you describe her liking your humiliation, suggests to me that it was more sinister than this.

xposted with you OP - and no, my dad would never have force-fed us like that. Just v strict at the table - you won't get pudding if you don't clear your plate etc.

my mother did things like that to me, i was never a big eater but drank alot so she stopped giving me drinks so i ate, i blame this on my eating habbits now.
and i got scrubbed in the bath if i had a nice time with my dad.
she didnt have a mother herself so i suppose she was doing what she felt right