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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

re: my friend (wedding and illness related)

19 replies

HackerFucker22 · 18/05/2016 12:47

Have changed a few details although my friend isn't a MN'er

Friend getting married this weekend, met her and young child a few days ago but made it very clear that my older DC has had a rotten cough and cold and that both myself and younger DC could possibly have the lergies although we were both fine

She said it was cool, we met up for a few hours and all was well.

Today I get a message along the line of
"so DC has woken up with a streaming nose and is coughing his guts up, great"

I replied offer sympathy and then say looks like my younger DC also has the cold to which I received a very rude message

"I knew we shouldn't have met you, your kids are always ill, if DC is still ill on the wedding day my day will be ruined" (she stopped as far as to say I would have ruined her wedding day!!!)

I am at a loss. She is a good friend hasn't been at all bridezilla or unreasonable but I don't want to go to her wedding knowing that she blames me for her kid being ill.

Her DC has a history of chest infections and I appreciate her worry. I haven't yet replied but she seemed so mad (from her message! She is never like this) so I don't know what to say

When I say the wedding is 'this weekend' I mean early on this weekend Friday

I daren't mention that I also have a hacking cough and streaming cold.

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 18/05/2016 12:52

Send your best wishes and stay home.

You told her your older DC weren't well, her fault for not cancelling or rearranging the meet up. Unless she's a shy retiring type who didn't want to upset you by changing plans.
But given her messages to you I wouldn't have thought that.

jellyrolly · 18/05/2016 12:56

I expect there is more to this than meets the eye. I would reply just saying "Yes you are right, you shouldn't have decided to meet us knowing we might have colds so close to the wedding. Would you prefer we stay away on the big day, we are no better."

NapQueen · 18/05/2016 13:00

"Well I did give you the choice"

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/05/2016 13:02

What Nap said. You did warn her.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 18/05/2016 13:04

She is being a bit unreasonable but if you really thought your child was sick, you shouldn't have gone.

She might have thought that you would know your own kid best re them being contagious. Clearly you didn't!

houseeveryweekend · 18/05/2016 13:05

Shes probably just very stressed about her wedding so overreacting! Im sure if she is a good friend of yours and is not usually like this then it will just be nerves and after the wedding you will both laugh about it. x

Moanranger · 18/05/2016 13:06

It's kind of simplistic to think that you get ill from contacting specific people. Most infections take some time to incubate in your body & her DCs probably picked up the germs elsewhere, they reproduced, and then eventually infected Cs to the point that they exhibited cold symptoms.
If she wanted to avoid illness, she should not have gone anywhere. Ever.
You're welcome.

SisterKhloe · 18/05/2016 13:11

As long as you warned her (and are sure she understood)

I've got a friend who is terrible for arriving at social plans with her streaming or puking toddler who she cheerfully spins in your direction for germy kisses and hugs.

I am struggling to stay in employment due to ongoing health issues and it upsets me when she does this, as her kid's minor ailments have wiped me out several times.

I would think you horribly selfish for taking a sick kid to socialise a week before someone's wedding, but you WARNED them so I think it's her own fault for choosing to go ahead. You're in the clear. (And thank you on behalf of everyone who hates being ambushed by a surprise case of pneumonia etc...)

SisterKhloe · 18/05/2016 13:13

Not sure, moanranger... If a child whose hands and face are covered in snot shoves his finger up my nose while his mummy giggles and says he's sweet, I would be awfully suspicious to come down with a streaming cold a few days later... I end up dodging the poor little guy out of self-preservation!

sunlover73 · 18/05/2016 13:31

I agree with what jelly said. Or wait and see how you are on Fri morning - other guests probably won't appreciate you all coughing quietly into your food....

LordoftheTits · 18/05/2016 13:39

You gave her the choice, she decided to risk it. I got married last month and in the weeks leading up to it I was like a rottweiler about people with colds, because "just a cold" for me 100% of the time turns into sinusitis, and frequently a chest infection.

Had it been me and you had warned me, I would have politely declined meeting with you. She's an arse to send that message though!

EponasWildDaughter · 18/05/2016 13:45

She is a good friend hasn't been at all bridezilla or unreasonable

She's getting married in 2 days and is probably at peak stress right now. I would ring her if i were you. I would apologise that her DC has caught an illness from yours. I would ask her if she still wants you to attend the wedding.

I bet she'll calm down and apologise back and admit you warned her. If she remains being a cow then you know you at least tried to smooth things over and don't go to the wedding.

WipsGlitter · 18/05/2016 13:47

I'd put it down to pre-wedding nerves and ignore it.

Original poster

HackerFucker22 · 18/05/2016 14:11

The ill child was at home!

It was myself and my other child who went to meet her but I did explain that child who wasn't coming was poorly and there was a high chance myself and / or younger child could be contagious...

Since meeting both myself, my child and her child have ended up with a streaming cold and cough etc..

OP posts:

Original poster

HackerFucker22 · 18/05/2016 14:12

Sorry, I just realised I didn't explain that the ill child wasn't with me!!!

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 18/05/2016 14:16

Did you tell her before you met with her? Or when you met her?

Noregretsatall · 18/05/2016 14:20

I may be wrong but I think, with the likes of coughs and colds, that you're not contagious until you're exhibiting symptoms (as this is how the germs travel, through people coughing, sneezing etc) so chances are it wasn't you anyway! Hope you feel better soon. X

Missrubyring · 18/05/2016 14:22

You told her beforehand so I don't think she can blame you ... I would use jellyrolly's response and see what she says.

Pinkheart5915 · 18/05/2016 14:23

You made it clear to her your child was ill and you and the child meeting her could have the germs although you were both ok, and she still decided to meet you.
It's not your fault. She's probably just peak of wedding stress at the moment. I hope her do is better for the wedding.

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