To REALLY want a girl

[WalkingBlind]

I am considering having another DC but I obsessively want a girl Thing is there is no logical reason, I already have a DD and a DS

In fact DD was far "worse", much more difficult than DS. It's obviously unreasonable to expect any gender for sure and I would love any child but I think I would be disappointed I'm actually quite embarrassed about feeling this way because the past two times I haven't minded at all! I love both kids equally but find I have a stronger "protective" feeling towards DS like he's the only boy I could ever love.... Is that abnormal? (Prepares for harsh answers, ps I'm still hormonal from breast feeding which I didn't do with DD and I also had PND with DD)

I always find out the gender at like 16 weeks, do you think leaving it as a surprise til birth would make it easier or harder? Part of me thinks easier as once you see them you wouldn't care, part of me thinks harder because you've had no time to come to terms with it.

I'd like the OP to enjoy their thread. Not having a bunfight about something I didn't even say or mean. So I think thread should move on.

My DD has health issues as well as ASD..if that's even relative.

Talking about being allowed one narrative only is way making too much of my throwaway comment about being a bit sensitive to a phrase. Really. Maybe you have previous issues about this on here or something?

Going to actually hide thread so I don't have to read any more untrue stuff, and be tempted to reply.

All the best OP, truly.

I dont want a bunfight either but if we post something that is taken as something else then wecan react 1 persons opinion is another persons disagreement

fanjo, I realise I may have gone too far: would you like me to ask for my post to be removed?

OP

I too wanted a DD. I wasn't bothered if it was first or subsequent DC, but I am really really close to my mum and I wanted to re-create that mother-daughter bond, especially as I know one day my mum will no longer be around.

I had my eyes opened on MN when it was pointed out that there is no guarantee of a close bond between DM and DD. As I've only ever known a good relationship it made me look at things differently.

As it is I have 2 DSes and I'm done, I don't want 3 DC anymore (because of my health) and I honestly don't mind that I don't have a DD.

I'm just going to appreciate the relationship I have with my DM, and see how my (currently excellent) relationships develop with my 2 boys.

If it helps, I was very very close to my brother growing up - I was like a shadow to him and I worshipped him! We've had our difficulties after leaving home, but now we get on really well and make huge efforts to stay in contact, despite living in different countries. I have never wished for a sister.

fanjo, have reported my three relevant posts: should be gone in a minute

No hard feelings at all Cory. :)

Maybe people can actually read the OP before directing abuse at the original poster.

CaoNi jumped on her for making a statement she absolutely did not make, even implicitly.

Fanjo seems to have derailed the thread completely. Not sure why since the OP never ever discussed any "health" aspect to her pregnancies.

I made 1 comment about something someone else said not OP.

It got jumped on, for which someone has apologised.

If you read more carefully rather than leaping in haste to berate. I bore no malice to OP and indeed left thread for ages so it wasn't derailed.

So you know what you can do with your righteous outrage

Even if you have a boy, in 20 years he may decide he wants to be a girl anyway and vice versa

Peanut That's not quite the same.

Cao of course it's normal to want a healthy child. Also to love any child you have, healthy or unhealthy, but are you seriously objecting to the op wanting a healthy child?

Hormonal I didn't even say I did lol, she said it out of nowhere but I do agree with you

Peanut You don't decide you want to be a girl or a boy. If I had, what in anatomy looked like a girl but stated he was transgendered then in my eyes I would have a boy and vice versa. Being trans isn't something people want they are born in the wrong body. If my now DS told me he felt like a girl then he will have always been my DD

It's very annoying when someone comes along on a thread like this and tells the op 'maybe dc will be gender fluid, and want to become a boy/girl in the future'

That is not the same thing at all..

My OP, hiw this thread has derailed. And all over something you never even said!

Fwiw, when I was pregnant I was hoping for a non-disabled, healthy child. And I say that as the sibling of someone with disabilities and as a teacher who has worked in special schools. If they turn out to have special needs or get sick, well I'll still love them just the same - but for their and my sake I would rather avoid that happening. And I'll quite happily stand over that.

Would you consider talking to someone about how you feel, OP? As I think this goes deeper than just wanting a girl. I have been in and out of therapy for years and it has always helped me, even at times where I thought I was ok.

I'd always find out the gender. YANBU to have a preference... As long as those feelings go away...

IoraRua and YET YOU DERAILED THE THREAD.

I continued with the topic yeah, I wasn't the one who originally leapt to conclusions. So I decided to add my 2c to the shitewafflery along with recommend talking to someone.
Do I give much of a shite? Nah.

Gender doesn't really matter as much as you all think. I think of myself as a person not as a woman especially. This obsession with having girls which is the current model is really depressing. Are boys not valued? Is it because you can't change them into mini-me's and doll them up? This is not an issue with any particular poster, just my view watching people in general get their knickers in a twist over such things.

As for wanting a "healthy" child, what's wrong with that, dint we want that for our children?it's not an insensitive or dismissive attitude towards anybody with disabled children. Who wants their child to face insurmountable or difficult challenges?

It should be: I m pregnant. I'm lucky. Child is born . Child is ok. I'm lucky. Gender should come very far down the line.

fanjo

Well I checked all of your many posts and not ONE of them gave any advice addressing the OP's question. Why don't you just create your own thread called "AIBU not to like the phrase etc etc"?

OP: I would get counseling because this is worrying you. I think you would love this child either way and it would blow over once pregnant, but if you are truly concerned - counseling.